FluffandCrunch

(Lilly) (Almost) Home for The Holidays, Memories of Winter

Dec 23rd, 2012
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  1. Minor edits and additions by YourFavAnon
  2. Thanks to: Lymetel
  3.  
  4. ----------------------------------------
  5.  
  6. An hour passes, maybe two or three, I lose count of them between the company and the fun we're all having together. It's gets darker and darker outside, the lamp posts reflected up into the window of Lilly's room by the gathered snow on the ground and the lightly falling flakes still gently swirling in the air.
  7. We play some games, which Hanako inevitably dominates at, though Akira secures her own few victories and I manage to win once during a game of team poker, Lilly and Hanako versus me and Akira. I can mostly thank Akira for the win, though; she knows her way around a pack of cards.
  8.  
  9. More stories are shared, most of them supplied by Lilly and Akira, the two of them fondly recalling past Christmas' spent together and with their parents. Even while she speaks I can just see little flickers of emotion pass over Lilly's features, each memory fondly held and closely guarded.
  10.  
  11. With her family situation, her parents all the way in Scotland and with only Akira present, I imagine Christmas can be a reminder of the isolation from her Mother and Father, a reminder of the distance between them, both physical and emotional.
  12.  
  13. I'm not surprised. Eight years is a long time, especially when you're growing up, doubly so when you have a condition like Lilly's. It reminds me of my own circumstances, the distance that has grown between me and my parents since I came to Yamaku. I've seen them a couple times, talked on the phone a bit, but more and more I feel myself starting to embrace my own life, my own path, moving from the state of reliance I had for them when I was younger, before my heart condition changed everything.
  14.  
  15. I don't think of it as a bad thing. Independence isn't something I should be afraid of, but sometimes I forget that my distance is by choice. Lilly had no such decision to make, it was made for her when she was young.
  16.  
  17. It's surprising that I don't have many fond memories of my family being together. It was a happy, if distant home. I lived with my parents until I was eighteen, but Lilly seems to have more stories about her family than I do with only twelve years of being together.
  18.  
  19. It makes me sad on two fronts; that Lilly, being so fond of her Mother and Father, has lived for so long away from them, and myself, having my parents so close at hand, never took the opportunity to make those kind of memories for ourselves.
  20.  
  21. The mood begins to die down with the late hour as the last few drops of Akira's 'special' eggnog are consumed. Hanako seems especially sad to see the last cup being drained. With a sour look, Akira checks her watch and shakes her head. “I'm going to have to get going.”
  22.  
  23. Lilly's face turns a shade darker. “Must you leave so soon?”
  24. “It's getting late, Lilly. I told the boy toy I would meet him tonight for continued festivities.“
  25.  
  26. “You just came from an office party, stopped here to hang out with us and you're still planning on meeting your boyfriend for more holiday cheer?“
  27.  
  28. I'm amazed by both her determination and endurance for celebrations.
  29.  
  30. Akira winks at me as she stands. “You'll understand when you're older, Hisao.”
  31. Lilly gets to her feet as well, using the table to steady herself, brushing herself off as she does. Holding her arms out, she tightly hugs Akira, her sister embracing her fondly.
  32.  
  33. “I'll stop by tomorrow. We'll call Mom and Dad and wish them a Merry Christmas together over the phone.“
  34.  
  35. “Yes,” Lilly says quietly. “Over the phone.”
  36.  
  37. Akira smiles ruefully and taps Lilly on the chin. “Hey, don't be like that. You're a big girl now and you made your choice. I'm proud of you.“
  38.  
  39. Lilly smiles and nods slightly.
  40.  
  41. Family.
  42.  
  43. It's a strange concept. The more distant I become to my own parents, the closer I grow to the people here tonight with me. I'm closer to Hanako and Akira than I've ever been to anyone before and Lilly is the first person I can honestly say I am truly in love with. When I came to Yamaku, I quickly gathered them around me to fill that hole in my life that was made after my old world was shattered, but I nearly lost it when I came very close, too close, to letting it all go
  44.  
  45. Lilly stayed, but at what cost? She stayed for me, because she loves me, loves me enough to give up her family whose presence and approval used to be the most important things to her. Now she's replaced that need with me and I've placed her as the most important person in my world. I know we're still young, but we'll be going to the same university if all goes to plan. We'll even be going for the same careers in teaching. At this point, I can't even comprehend a life without Lilly or without Hanako and Akira in it.
  46.  
  47. We may not have been raised together or be related by blood, but these people are my true family.
  48.  
  49. Lilly has given up so much to be with me, I can only hope I'll be worthy of her sacrifice.
  50.  
  51. Akira and Lilly break apart, a little sadness in the gesture. We all stand and bid farewell to Akira, Hanako giving her a slightly inebriated, clingy hug which makes Akira laugh and returns it in equal fondness and strength. Akira picks up the remnants of what she brought with her and scoops up her flask, which she seems to be already very fond of, I note with some pride over my gift choice.
  52.  
  53. With a little swagger in her step, she puts a hand in the air for farewell, stepping out into the hall. She pops her head back inside, always getting the last word in.
  54. “Thanks for the flask, Hisao. It'll get a lot of mileage.“
  55. “You're welcome, Akira. Thanks for the tie. My science teacher will be jealous.“
  56. Akira winks at me and all of us.
  57. “Just play smart and stay safe, okay?”
  58.  
  59. She turns her eyes on me and Lilly directly. There's something she wants to say, but she doesn't say it outright.
  60. The way she bores her eyes into me and with the dark expression that passes over her face, I don't need the words to be spoken.
  61.  
  62. Her 'suggestion' to use protection is still fresh in my mind.
  63.  
  64. She smirks when she sees me start to squirm and even Lilly catches onto the meaning of her words and shifts uncomfortably.
  65.  
  66. “Merry Christmas!” she says from the hall, not bothering to shut the door behind.
  67.  
  68. I close it for her and shake my head in amusement.
  69.  
  70. Turning back to the inside of the room, there's a moment where we all look at each other, wondering what comes next.
  71.  
  72. Hanako is the first to speak. “It's g-getting late. I should get going t-too.”
  73. Lilly seems disappointed by Hanako's sudden departure. “There's no reason for everyone to leave so soon.”
  74.  
  75. Hanako smiles bashfully, glancing at the two of us. “M-maybe. But I should p-probably get going. I think I drank a little too m-much of Akira's eggnog.“
  76. “You're not feeling sick are you?”
  77.  
  78. She shakes her head. “No. J-just sleepy.”
  79.  
  80. Hanako takes her new book from the table and stares at it for a moment with a broad smile on her face before clutching it tightly to herself.
  81.  
  82. “Th-thank you again for the gift, Lilly. I really love it.“
  83. “You're very welcome, Hanako. I'm glad you like it so much. And thank you for the gifts as well. I'll be putting them to good use.“
  84.  
  85. Hanako nods. “Tomorrow, right? B-breakfast on Christmas morning?”
  86. Lilly nods. “Nine o'clock sharp.”
  87. Hanako nods, then looks back and forth between me and Lilly for a moment and smirks, shuffling off towards the door.
  88.  
  89. “You need some help back to your room,” I offer as she passes.
  90. Hanako rolls her eyes playfully. “I'll b-be fine. It's j-just down the hall.”
  91.  
  92. With a final wave and a goodbye to Lilly, Hanako steps out of the room and walks to her own door, a little stagger in her footsteps. I watch until she is safely in her dorm before I shut Lilly's door and return to my place in the room.
  93.  
  94. For a few moments, me and Lilly are left alone, sitting at her table, saying nothing to one another. We stay there in companionable silence, as if to let the pressure of the previous festivities air out before we disrupt the space with more conversation.
  95.  
  96. I watch Lilly breathe a sigh of relief. I smile in response, amused by how reluctant she is to let people go but how relieved she is once she is in private.
  97.  
  98. “That was fun,” I finally dare to speak. “Thank you for hosting, Lilly.”
  99. She smiles and brushes my comment aside with a wave of her hand. “Nonsense. I was only all too happy to do so, Hisao.“
  100.  
  101. She reaches out to the table where she left her presents from Hanako. She absentmindedly picks up the delicate perfume bottle, gently smelling it and spraying a tiny dash of it onto her wrist and dabbing it on her neck, seeming to enjoy it's scent greatly. Its very sweet and aromatic, as I can sense it from here. It's definitely the perfume she prefers, a smell I've become accustomed to myself. Taking one of the ribbons, the bright red one, she runs it through her fingers again and again. I watch her play with the strip of silk for a while, taking a sip from my tea, which has started to grow lukewarm from being unattended while we all chatted and played games.
  102.  
  103. I look back up at Lilly, the blank, distant look on her face, the way her fingers gently roll and play against one another, the peace and tranquil silence that comes with all of her actions.
  104.  
  105. She is so beautiful.
  106.  
  107. “I love you, Lilly.”
  108.  
  109. She stops suddenly, the ribbon wrapped around her pinky. Her cheeks flourish with a blush and a little smile creeps onto her lips. “My, my, what brought that on?”
  110.  
  111. “Nothing. I just thought you looked beautiful for a moment.“
  112. “Only just a moment?”
  113. I smile at her teasing words. “Just a little one.”
  114.  
  115. Lilly sets the ribbon down on the table and rests her fingers on its surface, using it as a guide to slide along the carpet to me. I won't lie and say I don't get a thrill running through me when I see her crawling closer and closer on her hands and knees.
  116.  
  117. She makes it to me and catches my shirt between her fingertips, settling alongside me, and running her hands up and over my shoulder, cupping my face. She starts the familiar and exciting process of running her delicate fingers gently over my features, touching my closed eyelids and lips with her sensitive fingertips, the delicate smell of the perfume on her wrist filling my senses.
  118.  
  119. Since we started dating, I've been very careful to be especially aware of scrubbing my face just in case she gets the desire to indulge herself. Sometimes, when we're laying next to each other, she leans over and runs her hands across my cheeks over and over until the gentle motions send me to sleep. One time I even woke to find her doing the same thing and she apologized for waking me. I didn't mind at all. It felt nice not to have to give her permission to touch me, something so intimate granted on assumption between us.
  120.  
  121. I guess it's the same way with me looking at her. I stare at Lilly a lot, watching her do things, watch her while she sleeps in bed, pour tea, read a book, get dressed, simple, inconsequential action, fully knowing she can't see me watching her. Staring is something you generally don't do, is looked down upon, but I can indulge myself with Lilly. I confessed it to her one time and she admitted she liked the thought that I can be so absorbed by just looking at her.
  122.  
  123. She presses both of her hands against my face and, sated by her exploring fingers, leans up against me and purses her lips together. I lean in and kiss her while she pinches the back of my neck and rubs a few strands of my hair between her fingers. Her newly sprayed perfume flows around me and I satisfy myself by kissing the spot on her neck she dabbed the scent, causing her to gasp pleasantly.
  124.  
  125. “Merry Christmas, Lilly.”
  126. She smiles and twists my hair between and around her fingers. “Merry Christmas, Hisao.”
  127.  
  128. She pulls back a little. “I have a surprise for you.”
  129. I rumble appreciatively.
  130. She blushes and gently pushes me. “Not that,” she says bashfully. “Not yet.”
  131. She sits on the floor in front of me, her fingers excitedly dancing against one another. “There's something in my closet I'd like you to get for me.“
  132.  
  133. A little surprised and suspicious, I stand and move over to Lilly's closet door, opening it and finding under a neatly folded pile of towels a large and gift wrapped box. Pulling it out carefully, I bring it back to her and set it on the table.
  134.  
  135. “What is it?” I ask.
  136.  
  137. Lilly is practically beaming with her smile. “Open it.”
  138.  
  139. I do as she asks. The paper feels expensive and I don't think she wrapped it herself, the tight corners and sharp folds have a professional touch to them. Inside the wrapping paper is a box and inside the box is layers of soft packing tissue.
  140.  
  141. Pulling them back, I find inside the box a leather jacket which I pull out. More of a trench coat, the leather feels soft and supple under my fingers and as soon as I bring it out of the box, I can smell the distinctive, strong scent of it radiating off the jacket, fresh and clean.
  142.  
  143. “Lilly....”
  144. She smiles even wider. “Merry Christmas, Hisao. Do you like it? It's lambskin. I wanted to get you something special.“
  145. I'm stricken by silence from the gift. It must have cost a fortune. “I can't believe you got this for me.”
  146.  
  147. She shrugs. “It's been getting colder and you're always shivering when we walk together. That jacket of yours isn't nearly warm enough. Your fingers get positively icy! There should be some gloves in there as well. They're slink.“
  148.  
  149. I check and find them, even softer than the jacket. In fact, I'm pretty sure they are the softest things I've ever held. Well, I note, I wouldn't compare them to anything regarding Lilly. I think of her hair as the softest thing I’ve ever held, but they are the softest gloves I've ever owned.
  150. In fact, I've never owned anything this nice before.
  151.  
  152. “Lilly, I....”
  153.  
  154. I'm speechless after this. I don't know what to say.
  155.  
  156. “You like it, yes?” you asks questioningly.
  157. “Yes! Of course I do!” I reassure her. “I just...I didn't get you anything. We were only doing a gift exchange with our assigned partners.“
  158.  
  159. She blushes a little. “Hisao, I didn't get you this expecting something in return. I wanted you to have it. Like I said, you always seemed so cold. I was worried, so I got you this to keep you warm.“
  160.  
  161. I hold the jacket feeling immensely guilty.
  162.  
  163. We had agreed to only buy gifts for our assigned person, that was the arrangement. I guess I should have been the one to decide to break the rules for Lilly instead of the other way around. She and I went shopping at the antique store for Akira and Hanako, I should have taken the chance to figure out a way to buy something for her without her knowing it.
  164.  
  165. She went to all the effort to buy me this wonderful gift and I didn't get anything for her.
  166.  
  167. I am a crappy boyfriend.
  168.  
  169. “You're not upset are you?” Lilly asks with a worried tone.
  170.  
  171. I shake my head. “No, I just...I just feel like I should have gotten you something as thoughtful. It's our first Christmas together and I didn't bother to get my girlfriend anything.“
  172.  
  173. She smiles sympathetically and scoots closer to me, facing me on her hands and knees while I sit in front of her. “I'm sorry if you feel like I put you on the spot, that was not my intention. Hisao, you may not have bought me a gift, but you have given me something I hold more valuable than anything you could purchase; you kept me from throwing away my whole life here with you and Hanako, my aspirations to become a teacher.
  174.  
  175. She pauses for a moment, letting her words sink into my head.
  176.  
  177. “If you hadn't given me that I would have been left completely directionless in an unfamiliar world. It will be a very long time before I feel that I have sufficiently paid you back for all that you've done for me.“
  178.  
  179. She reaches forward, finding the jacket, gripping it in her hands and using it to come closer to me. She stand up on her knees, her arms draped over my shoulder, pulling my head against her chest in a hug.
  180.  
  181. “I love you, Hisao. I owe you more for what you've given me than I could ever think to give back to you. And thanks to you, I'll have my entire life to try.“
  182.  
  183. I press up against Lilly and we hold each other.
  184.  
  185. When she does finally pull back, it's with a smile. “Now, I want you to try it on for me.”
  186. I smile, standing and swinging the jacket over my shoulders.
  187. “I must admit,” Lilly says from the floor, “it was rather difficult to get your measurements without alerting you as to my plan.“
  188. “How did you manage that?” I say, slipping it over my shoulders.
  189. Lilly smiles mischievously. “Well, you've given me plenty of opportunity to measure you with my fingertips. Although explaining it to the woman at the department store did become a little awkward.“
  190.  
  191. I laugh, fitting the coat down around me. It hangs perfectly off my shoulders and reaches to just about my knees, a comfortable length. It's not too heavy but immensely warm and snug, with lots of deep pockets and shiny buttons. There's even a belt to cinch it closed. It reminds me a little bit of the jacket that Mutou habitually wears even in the summer and I'm rather proud of that fact.
  192.  
  193. “Lilly, its perfect! I love it!”
  194.  
  195. She stands and steps up to me, touching the coat, running her hands down it and my shoulders, kneeling down again to tug at the ends draping at my knees. “I'm glad it's the right size. I was so nervous. I was almost to the point of getting Hanako and Akira to hold you down so I could use a tape measure and get the proper lengths.“
  196.  
  197. “Well, I'm happy you didn't do that, it wouldn't be necessary. It fits great!“
  198. She smiles. “I'm glad!”
  199.  
  200. I wrap her in a hug which she eagerly embraces. “I must admit,” she says, running her fingers down the coat, “I was very taken with how it feels. It feels even better when you wear it.“
  201.  
  202. I chuckle and squeeze her as much as I dare before releasing her. “I bet I could walk to the North Pole and not get cold in this thing.“
  203. “Shall we satisfy ourselves with a walk around the campus?“
  204. I smirk. “Sure, I can be happy with just that.”
  205.  
  206. ----------------------------------------
  207.  
  208. Lilly changes from her pajamas into warmer clothes quickly, an exchange made more difficult by my presence. Several times she has to shoo me away as I try and 'help' her get undressed.
  209.  
  210. Soon we are outside in the cold, not that I can notice. The gloves fit snuggly and the jacket, when belted up, doesn't let even one blast of wind make me shiver. It's been a long time since I had a really warm jacket and the novelty is greatly appreciated.
  211.  
  212. Yamaku is covered in crystal ice, all the trees bare, the stars and moon bright and stark in the clear winter sky. The snow falls gently, just enough to keep a fresh layer of white over everything, but easy to keep from the cold if you have something, or someone, to keep you warm.
  213.  
  214. Lilly, her arm in mine, looks wonderful tonight. She's taken to wearing a long, white jacket with furry trim and flared sleeves now that the weather has turned icy, a turtleneck sweater and scarf to keep her comfortable. She certainly handles the cold better than I do and I think she genuinely enjoys how crisp and frigid it has gotten.
  215.  
  216. She hugs tightly to me, sharing in my warmth and sighs contentedly.
  217.  
  218. “Happy?”
  219. “Very much so,” she says with a kiss to my cheek. “Warm?”
  220. “Very much so,” I repeat in answer.
  221.  
  222. She squeezes my hand. “Excellent. For once your fingers don't feel like icicles. I was getting worried.“
  223. “I don't think I'll have to worry about that anymore. It's pretty warm in here.“
  224. She hums appreciatively. “I can tell. Not everyone likes the cold as much as I do.“
  225. “You do like winter,” I state from memory.
  226.  
  227. She smiles and nods. “You remembered! How thoughtful of you, Hisao.” She turns her face upwards, the snowflakes falling onto her cheeks and melting the instant they touch her skin, slightly reddened from the cold. “I do. Some of my most fondest memories are from during the winter.“
  228.  
  229. “Akira certainly enjoyed sharing some of those memories with us.“
  230.  
  231. She laughs, muffling the sound into her sleeve. “Yes, well, I'm still not very pleased she decided to tell some of those stories to you.“
  232. “It was all in fun.”
  233. “Oh, she knew exactly what she was doing. It's all right; I got a few of her embarrassing moments of youth out into the air, so I imagine we're even on that front.“
  234.  
  235. “You and Akira sure do have a lot of stories about your family.”
  236.  
  237. Lilly nods, turning back to face towards me. “Yes, we do.”
  238. She looks maudlin for a moment.
  239.  
  240. “Lilly?”
  241. She catches herself and shakes her head. “I'm all right.”
  242. “Do you want to talk about it?”
  243. Almost on impulse, she looks about ready to turn me down, but pauses and seems to reconsider. “Yes,” she finally admits, “I would like to talk about it.”
  244.  
  245. We walk together for some distance around Yamaku, taking it's sidewalks and paths in circles, unconcerned for our direction or destination.
  246.  
  247. “I always associated winter with my family,” Lilly begins. “My Mother and Father were always busy with work so much, when the season came along, it was the longest vacation we could take together. Often they would spend the entire year saving up vacation time or planning some trip for the four of us to take together. Christmas was always the highlight of the year at our house. Mother took it very seriously and Father never did anything in half measures. There were parties, singing of carols and we would go on vacation.“
  248. She smiles fondly at the memory.
  249. “My mother was raised Catholic, so Christmas was very significant for her. She would take me and Akira to Christmas Mass and we would sing all night long. Mother has a beautiful singing voice.“
  250.  
  251. “Did your Father go?“
  252.  
  253. Lilly has a funny smile on her face. “Father is very...unique. He converted when he married Mother, but he never took very much to the establishment of it all like she did. They are very complicated, but very much in love.“
  254.  
  255. “I imagine Christmas was big at your house then. Akira said as much, but with both of your parents in business, I bet you two had a child's dream land worth of presents.“
  256.  
  257. Lilly seems to flinch a little at the implications of her family's wealth, but she recovers swiftly. “Perhaps. My Mother though always made sure that it never went to our heads. She was very certain she would not raise two spoiled girls. Every year, on Christmas Eve, my Mother would give me and Akira one candy bar.“
  258.  
  259. “A candy bar? Why?“
  260.  
  261. “Because, Hisao,” she says gravely, “when my Mother was a child, that was all her parents could afford to buy her for Christmas. One candy bar a year. She always made sure Akira and I remembered that story and were thankful for everything our family had been blessed with.“ She shakes her head. ”Silly of me, but of all the things I remember, that is what has stuck with me the longest, the thing I miss the most. Not any present under a tree, just that one candy bar from my Mother.“
  262.  
  263. The story strikes me and sticks fast to me.
  264.  
  265. I want to learn more and I’m eager to listen. “What else do you remember about Christmas?“
  266.  
  267. Lilly smiles. I think she's relishing the opportunity to splurge about her memories of the holiday.
  268.  
  269. ”Some of my most treasured moments were times playing in the snow in our yard with Akira and Father. We would build forts and snowmen. Akira and I would bury Father in a snowdrift and he would burst free and surprise me terribly when I lost track of where we buried him. We had a very large hill behind our house and Akira and Father loved sledding down it. I was always too frightened to do so, and every year they tried to convince me to join them, but I just couldn't. I was simply terrified of it.”
  270.  
  271. I chuckle at the story. She smiles at my humor and continues.
  272.  
  273. “Christmas was one of the few times we were together as a family, a real family. Mother and Father's work took them away so often, it was Akira and myself at home most of the time, but we never spent a Christmas without our parents, they made sure of that.“
  274.  
  275. Lilly sighs.
  276.  
  277. “After they left...it became very difficult to get too excited about the season. It seemed cheapened to wish each other a merry Christmas over the phone, almost like it was an insult to the meaning of the day. Akira did her best to make things exciting for me, but growing up, being that young away from Mother and Father and with her schooling and then job....“ Lilly turns aside for a moment. ”I spent a few years on my own on Christmas day.“
  278.  
  279. I hug her arm to my side in sympathy. “I know what that's like. My parents were always busy with work. I always relied on them, but it seemed that most of the time I was alone at home while they were at the office. I know they love me, I've never doubted that, but it would have been nice sometimes if they had the time to just stick around for a little while. The most we ever had together was a few Christmas dinners over the years or a few presents exchanged. I always had big Christmas', even if it was spent alone.“
  280.  
  281. I reach back into my memory and find a particularly saddening day.
  282.  
  283. “I remember one year when I woke up by myself on Christmas morning. I came downstairs and there was a huge pile of presents under the tree. I looked all over the house, but my parents were gone. They had left a note for me telling me they had been called into the office and would be home in time to open presents. By the time they came home, it was so late I had fallen asleep on the couch with my presents still wrapped, set all around me. I didn't want to open them without my Mom and Dad around.“
  284.  
  285. Lilly listens, her face clearly showing her pained expression. “That's...so awful.”
  286.  
  287. “They tried to make it up to me. A few days later I woke up with a big package at the foot of my bed. It was a remote control car I had wanted all year but that had been sold out everywhere around us. I learned my Mom had a friend who worked at a mall who had saved one for her and my Dad drove over fifty miles to pick it up for me.“
  288.  
  289. I shake my head. “I don't know why, but I've never been angry with my parents. I know I should be upset that they weren't around too often, but I'm not. I know it in my head, but not my heart.“ I chuckle. ”They did the best they could for me and I'm grateful for that. They did what they could and I could never expect them to do anything more for me than their best.“
  290.  
  291. “Don't you have any fond memories of winter?” Lilly asks.
  292.  
  293. I stare up at the swirling snowflakes above, the naked trees like claws closing in around my vision, as I become introspective. “To be honest, winter has been pretty much ruined from my perspective. Between me growing up and my heart, snow and Christmas don't hold many good memories for me.“
  294.  
  295. Lilly clings to me in sympathy. “I'm sorry. I brought this up and it's causing you discomfort.“
  296.  
  297. “It's all right, Lilly,” I say, patting her hand. “I said it doesn't upset me. It's just what happened, I shouldn't let myself get upset over the past. What's done is done, I can't change it.“ I hold her against my side, letting the warm puffs of breath from my lips wash over her. “I'm concerned about the future. My future with you. That's all that matters to me.“
  298.  
  299. She sighs and stops walking, removing her arm from mine and wrapping both arms around my shoulders. We stop under a streetlight and I want the whole world to see this beautiful girl in my arms.
  300. She kisses me and the snowflakes falling hang in midair, waiting for permission from us to continue their descent to Earth.
  301.  
  302. When she pulls back, I'm not sure if the red in her cheeks are from the cold or the kiss. “That's what I meant, Hisao, when I said that I would spend the rest of my life with you, paying you back for what you've given me. We may not have much behind us, but together, we will spend the rest of our lives making new memories for us to share.“
  303.  
  304. I touch her face and she nuzzles into the soft gloves, kissing the fingertips as I wrap her free strands of hair in my fingers.
  305.  
  306. “Do you really mean that, Lilly?”
  307. “Yes,” she says in a breathy tone, “I mean it.”
  308. “The what about we make a new memory right now?”
  309.  
  310. She smiles alluringly. “What do you mean by that?”
  311.  
  312. I take her by the hand and lead her off the path. “You said you like playing in the snow?”
  313. She giggles. “Yes, but I haven't for years” she say cautiously.
  314.  
  315. I lead Lilly away from the sidewalk, the snow starting to reach up over my feet and to my ankles.
  316.  
  317. “Where are you taking me?” she asks in a curious manner.
  318. “Just a second,” I say.
  319.  
  320. I lead Lilly to a spot and set her standing there. “Don't move.”
  321. “Hisao, what are you planning?”
  322. “Nothing, just trust me.”
  323. “I trust you, but in this circumstance, I trust you about as far as I can throw you.“
  324.  
  325. I smirk to myself as I take a few steps away from her, my feet crunching in the snow. She faces to where the sound comes from. “You had better not leave me here,” she warns playfully, crossing her arms behind her back and getting a pouty sulk on her face.
  326.  
  327. Were I a man of weaker resolve, I would be tempted to give up and beg apology, but I maintain my course. “Just stand right there,” I tell her.
  328.  
  329. Standing all alone, Lilly looks mildly put out by my teasing. It turns to immediate curiosity when she hears me moving around and then suddenly stop.
  330.  
  331. “Hisao?”
  332. Lilly turns around, listening for any sign of me.
  333. “Hisao, where are you?”
  334.  
  335. The snowball catches her square in the back and she shrieks in outrage and surprise. She spins to face the direction the attack came from, uncannily looking straight at me. “That is an unfair trick, Hisao Nakai!”
  336.  
  337. I throw another snowball, this time smacking her in the chest.
  338.  
  339. She crosses her arms protectively, her face turning red. “Hisao! Stop that! You're being a bully!”
  340.  
  341. “I thought you liked playing in the snow?” I say from behind her now.
  342. She spins to face where I had been standing. “What you're doing isn't playing, you brute!”
  343.  
  344. “That's only because you aren't fighting back.”
  345.  
  346. Another snowball in the back.
  347.  
  348. “That's three points for me.”
  349. “Hisao! Enough!”
  350.  
  351. Another snowball, this one leaving tangled clods of snowflakes in her long hair.
  352.  
  353. “Oh! That is it!”
  354.  
  355. Lilly reaches down and grabs a handful of snow, packing it into a ball and holding it loosely in her hands. She tilts her head, listening carefully for me.
  356.  
  357. I already have two snowballs, one in each hand. One goes flying over her shoulder and lands behind her. She spins and throws it at the spot where mine landed and the second goes right into her back in an explosion of snow and frost.
  358.  
  359. She laughs dangerously, understanding my deception. “You're a very clever man, Hisao.”
  360. She prepares two snowballs and holds them at the ready.
  361.  
  362. I carefully creep up and around her, stepping only in my own footprints that have circled her several times. Unable to hear the crunching snow under my feet, she scans and waits for any sign of my attack.
  363.  
  364. I draw near to my prey, still unaware of my approach.
  365.  
  366. I raise the huge handful of snow over her to dump on her head.
  367.  
  368. “Lilly....”
  369.  
  370. Two snowballs hit me square in the face faster than I could react. They knock me back and I lose my grip, dropping the huge mass of snow right on my own head as I tumble backwards into a soft, frigid cold, snow drift.
  371.  
  372. With surprising abandon, Lilly holds her arms to either side and throws herself into the snow, landing next to me, catching me with one arm. She quickly scrambles atop me, straddling my hips and pushing me back in the snow.
  373.  
  374. “That's enough of that,” she says, declaring victory.
  375.  
  376. I press a big handful of mushy, wet snow in her face.
  377.  
  378. With the flakes hanging off her delicate eyebrows, Lilly takes big handfuls of snow and presses it against me, trying to bury me in the ice. Several times they consume my head before I can shake myself free of their cold embrace.
  379.  
  380. I throw big armfuls of snow up above me, trapped on my back as I am, covering Lilly in a shower of snow that catches on her and turns to tiny crystals in her long hair. She squeals in delight at the shower of flakes touching her skin which gives me enough time to hook an arm around hers and bring her down into the drift with me, rolling the two of us deeper into the snow pile, getting each other hopelessly entangled and covered in white, fluffy powder.
  381.  
  382. We come to a rest at the bottom of the small hill, me over her, Lilly laughing delightedly at our antics. “All right, all right! I surrender!” She lays back in the snow, smiling up at me, arms and legs outstretched. “Do with me what you will. I’m at your mercy,” she says.
  383.  
  384. I follow through by kissing her, her lips wet with melted snow. She hungrily holds it, not letting me go until she's had her full of me. When she does relent, she presses her hands against my chest, rising and lowering in deep gulps of air.
  385.  
  386. “Are you alright?” she asks in a concerned tone.
  387. I gasp for air between my laughs, pressing my fingers against my neck and checking my pulse. “Yeah, I'm fine. It's not my heart, I'm just a little out of breath.“
  388.  
  389. I notice Lilly is gasping for air too, unused to such rough housing. The closest thing for her would be when we get particularly adventurous together at night.
  390.  
  391. I climb from atop her and lay next to her, our outstretched hands holding to one another, surrounded by the snow. After catching her breath, with a smile the whole time, Lilly starts to spread her arms and legs out repeatedly, pushing snow in great arcs around her.
  392.  
  393. “What are you doing?” I ask.
  394. “Making a snow angel,” she replies. “Haven't you ever made a snow angel?”
  395. “No, never.”
  396. “Just do what I'm doing then.”
  397.  
  398. I start mimicking her movements, the repeated motions clearing space all around me and her. When she's finished she carefully climbs to her feet and I join her.
  399.  
  400. “How do they look?” she asks, linking her arm in mine.
  401.  
  402. I smile down at the paired figures carved in the snow. I get why they're called 'Snow Angels' with their wing shaped arms and gown-like legs. With the way we were lying next to one another, their wings stretch out to touch the other..
  403.  
  404. “They look perfect, or at least I think so. I'm no judge.“
  405.  
  406. Lilly covers her mouth with a blush and a giggle. “I haven't made a snow angel in years!”
  407.  
  408. She wraps me in a tight hug and fondly holds onto me. “Thank you for that, Hisao.”
  409. “You're welcome, Lilly.”
  410.  
  411. She sighs contentedly, winding down from the sudden exertion, the burst of activity now passing us by.
  412.  
  413. Or is it?
  414.  
  415. I see something colorful through the snow nearby and smile deviously. “Well, look at that.”
  416.  
  417. Lilly brings up the pout without even a moments hesitation.
  418.  
  419. “I mean, follow me.”
  420.  
  421. I lead her towards the object and pull it out from under a pile of snow.
  422.  
  423. “What is it, Hisao?”
  424.  
  425. I hand it to her.
  426.  
  427. It's a sled, likely left by a careless fellow student.
  428.  
  429. Her face grows in alarm when she realizes what it is. “No,” she says.
  430. “There's a big hill right here.”
  431. “Hisao, no, I told you they frightened me.”
  432. “What better time than now, huh?”
  433. “Hisao, please, no.”
  434. “We'll do it together, all right? I'll be there the whole time.“
  435. “Hisao, I don't like this.”
  436. “Lilly, what better memory than your first sled ride with your first boyfriend on our first Christmas together, huh? I didn’t get to do these things when I was a kid. Do it for me, okay? Please?.“
  437.  
  438. She hugs the plastic sled to her chest, a conflicted look on her face.
  439.  
  440. “You'll be there the whole time?”
  441. “I'll be on the sled right with you.”
  442.  
  443. After a long contemplation where I think she's going to refuse at least three times, she meekly nods.
  444.  
  445. We take the sled towards the hill.
  446.  
  447. “How steep is it?”
  448. I look down.
  449.  
  450. It is very steep.
  451.  
  452. “Not bad,” I tell her. “Just a short ride.”
  453. It will be a short ride with the speed we'll probably hit.
  454.  
  455. “All right. Just promise me you'll hold onto me the whole way down, all right?“
  456. “I promise.”
  457. “You won’t let me go, right?”
  458. “I wouldn't dream of it.”
  459.  
  460. I set the sled on the top of the hill, careful to balance it.
  461. “I'll help you get on, okay? I'll hold onto you and the sled, it's won't go without me.“
  462.  
  463. Very, very carefully, I help Lilly sit down on the long sled. She shakes a little, maybe from the cold or the excitement.
  464.  
  465. “Okay, do you want me in front of you, or behind you?“
  466.  
  467. A smile starts to blossom on her face. “Don't you usually say you prefer to be behind me?“
  468.  
  469. “Stop that,” I tell her as I climb in, my arms wrapped around her.
  470.  
  471. “No, no, no,” she says, a little panicky. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to be first! I'll hold onto you.”
  472. It takes some doing, but I manage to get out and get in front of her without incident, still perched at the top of the hill.
  473.  
  474. With me in front and Lilly's arms tightly wrapped around my chest, we sit balancing at the top of the hill.
  475.  
  476. “Are you ready?” I ask.
  477. “No,” she says, with a trembling voice.
  478. “Do you want to stop?”
  479. She shakes her head.
  480. “Okay, here we go. Hold onto me.”
  481.  
  482. I scoot forward and with little trying we are tipped over the edge and starting down the hill.
  483.  
  484. The first few feet are fine, but as we pick up some speed, Lilly clings tighter and tighter to me. We head down the side at an alarming pace, the smooth incline of snow packed perfectly to give us a clear and straight shot to the foot of the hill. With little time we are sailing down at increasing speed and Lilly is somewhere halfway between crying out in terror and exulting in pure glee at our acceleration.
  485.  
  486. “You okay?” I shout.
  487. “No!”
  488. “Do you want to stop?”
  489. “No!”
  490.  
  491. I laugh out loud at her tone.
  492. We race forwards picking up more speed and I throw my hands up in excitement.
  493.  
  494. “What are you doing?“ she shouts, holding tightly to me.
  495. “I'm having fun! Are you?“
  496. I barely hear her nervous giggle. “A little!“
  497. “Hey, I have an idea! I'm going to close my eyes!“
  498. “Don’t you dare, Hisao!“
  499.  
  500. You approach terminal velocity, or at least it feels like it.
  501.  
  502. “How are you steering?” she cries.
  503. “I'm not!”
  504. “How do you stop?”
  505. “I don't know!”
  506. “Then how do you know where we're going?”
  507. “I don't!”
  508.  
  509. Even I start to laugh in half nervous excitement as we near the bottom, the hill straightening out in a long slide towards a line of trees. Judging that our speed would carry us right into them, I call back to Lilly for her to hold on. I'm not sure if she hears me over her own wild cries or not, but I twist the sled to try and swing to the side and cut our path away from the trees.
  510.  
  511. Meeting with little success, all I manage to do is slow us down a little bit before dumping both me and Lilly off the sled and down into a tiny, unseen gully.
  512.  
  513. I lay still in a snow drift, checking to make sure I'm not dead.
  514.  
  515. Finding life still quivering warmly within me, I peek up out of the snow, not feeling Lilly's arms around me.
  516.  
  517. “Lilly?”
  518.  
  519. I search around for her, getting up off my back.
  520.  
  521. “Lilly?”
  522.  
  523. I find her at the bottom of the gully.
  524.  
  525. ----------------------------------------
  526.  
  527. Back at my dorm, since it was closer to where we crashed into the gully and required less time to get to, I've changed into a fresh pair of sleep wear, warm and pleasant. I check the tea, getting it warm enough and pour some of it into a tiny cup for Lilly.
  528.  
  529. I turn to face her, naked, knees drawn up, sitting on my bed with blankets wrapped all around her and my new coat draped over her shivering form. Her dripping wet clothes are hanging above the heater vent to dry.
  530.  
  531. “I'm so sorry, Lilly. I didn't even see that drop. I didn't know there was a stream there.“
  532.  
  533. When I found Lilly in the gully, she has been dumped right into a frigid, cold creek onto her butt, the slushy water washing over her legs and sapping the warmth right out of her. I practically had to carry her back to my dorm, my jacket draped over her wet body as she quivered and shook in my arms, her teeth chattering the whole way.
  534.  
  535. She shivers through her smile and nods. She's about to say something, when her whole body convulses and she lets out a disproportionately tiny squeak of a sneeze, reminiscent of a mouse come down with a cold.
  536.  
  537. It's so adorable, but I feel bad about it.
  538.  
  539. “It-it's all right, Hisao,” she says, her cheeks burning red, “It's alright. I'm just glad you weren't hurt.”
  540.  
  541. I sit down on the bed and carefully put the teacup in her hand. She takes it gratefully and gently sips at it, shivering in relief as the warm liquid courses through her.
  542.  
  543. “I'm sorry, Lilly, I'll never ask you to do something like that again.“
  544. “Nonsense,” she says, letting the aroma of the tea wash over her. “It was exhilarating! I’m not certain if it’s the sled ride or the cold water, but I’ve never felt that much adrenaline before! If I hadn't fallen into the water, I would have insisted we do it again.“
  545. “Really?”
  546. “Yes! I can understand why people enjoy it so much. We simply must do that again! I've never felt so excited before! There aren’t many thing that I can do to cause my heart to race that fast.” She blushes. “Well, nothing not limited to us in private. I can't recall a time I've ever moved with such speed!“
  547.  
  548. Great.
  549. Speed.
  550. A new addiction.
  551.  
  552. “Next thing you know, you'll be skiing.”
  553.  
  554. She grips the warm tea in both hands thoughtfully with a worried look on her face. “Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves.”
  555.  
  556. I keep a steady supply of tea in her cup, slowly warming her up more and more as her normal color begins to return to her face.
  557.  
  558. “Hisao? You wouldn't happen to have maybe a little something I could eat? I feel rather peckish.“
  559.  
  560. I quickly search around my room for anything, cursing myself for not doing some shopping earlier.
  561. As I'm just about to give up, I find something in a desk drawer to give Lilly and it makes me smile.
  562.  
  563. I sit on the bed with my find. “Hold out your hands.”
  564.  
  565. With a curious look, Lilly places her teacup on the side table and does as I ask.
  566.  
  567. I put the candy bar I found in her hand. “Merry Christmas, Lilly.”
  568.  
  569. She holds it, feeling it out until she realizes what it is. Instantly tears threaten to spring in her eyes, but she holds them back, her quivering lips turning into an honest, earnest smile.
  570.  
  571. “Thank you, Hisao,” she says, her voice thick with emotion.
  572. “I promise I'll get you a real present for Christmas,” I vow. “It's not really fair to you; you give me such a nice gift and now my first, good winter memory. I have to make it up to you somehow.“
  573.  
  574. She grips the candy bar as tightly as she dares without crushing it. “You don't owe me a thing, Hisao. I already said; I will spend the rest of my life paying you back for what you've already given me.“
  575.  
  576. I touch her cheek and she leans into it. “I'll spend the time being worthy of you.”
  577.  
  578. Lilly peels open the candy bar wrapper, snaps the chocolate in half and we share it together.
  579.  
  580. Without her clothes or any night wear, I find a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt of mine she can wear. Lilly slips into them comfortably, hesitating and taking a deep breath of the shirt's scent. She seems rather pleased with my smell on the shirt and cozies into my bed in a big cocoon of blankets and pillows.
  581.  
  582. I soon join her, climbing in and taking some time before I can manage to find a way to insert myself within her protective layering, ending up snug up against one another, my chest against her back.
  583.  
  584. Surrounded by layer after layer of warmth and with both of us pressed tightly together, I couldn't possibly be any happier than I am right now.
  585.  
  586. A party, a festive tie, homemade eggnog, a fancy new jacket, playing in the snow and a disastrous sled ride, all topped off by falling asleep next to Lilly? Pretty good start for what I hope becomes the first of many pleasant Christmas memories.
  587.  
  588. I wonder what next year will be like together?
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