The Last Passenger (Suzu route Act 3-7)

The Last Passenger


The world is quiet, the world is faded. In the distance, I can just barely make out a rumbling noise, the dull murmur of voices. A hand is stroking my head gently, fingers are curling and bending around locks of my hair. The touch is familiar, it's comforting, and a warm, happy feeling permeates my mind. I can feel the heat of the sun, my head is resting in someone's lap.

The rumbling noise grows louder, there's a whistling. A tinny voice... a speaker? Makes some announcement that escapes my grasp.

“Do you hear that?” Someone says. The... the body next to mine. I know that voice, I know...

“Hey you. Wake up.” He gives me a soft shake, the clouds in my head begin to retreat.

“Come on, Suki. Our train is here. Wake up.” I will my eyes to open, but the sunlight causes me to flinch, I shut them again tightly. He laughs. A sound like a spring morning.

“Come on.” He says again, gently but firmly. I peek with one eye at the face hanging above mine. In the glare, I can barely make out his pale skin, those tired, dark-ringed eyes staring back at me.

He smiles. “There you are, Suki.” He says. “You're still with me, right?”


“-uuuup, Suzu.” Miki's voice is crooning quietly. I open my eyes--for real this time, I think... I hope. I really hope--and find myself looking her right in the face.

“That's more like it.” My best friend says with a grin. She stands up, folding her arms across her chest.
“Ya done a bad thing, Suzu.” She says, tilting her head, puffing her cheeks a little.

“I what.” I groan, glancing around. Bed, check. Sleeping clothes, check, bonus points. I look at my clock. It's past noon, check and check. Wait wait, it's Sunday, right? Oh god, tell me it's--yeah, yeah. Okay, no, that's right. Check. So what is she--

Something beside me in the bed stirs and groans, and for the first time I notice the warmth of another body.

Oh. Ohh. Hisao... check.

I look back at Miki, my cheeks beginning to burn. But she can't even pretend to be annoyed anymore, she's giving me a sly grin.

“I didn't do it.” I say quickly.

Miki raises her eyebrows. “Do what, Suzu?” She asks innocently. What does she... why does she...

Hisao sleeping here wasn't my idea. Well, actually, it was, but that wasn't the plan from the beginning. None of last night was planned. I'm terrible at plans. But I guess I did do that.

“I didn't...” I stare at her groggily, knowing I should try to kick the gears in my head into motion but I don't really feel like it. Don't wanna wake up. It's Sunday.

“You didn't...?” Miki looks from me to Hisao and then back, still smiling innocently. What didn't I--

“I didn't!” I cry, realization hitting me like a pillow. A wet pillow. To the face. The worst way to ever wake up, I think. And if I'm wrong I don't wanna find out about it.

“Oh?” Miki almost looks disappointed. Almost.

“We didn't do-” Hisao gives another groan and shifts in his sleep. For a moment it seems like he might wake up, but then he's back to his best rock impression. I guess it really was his first last night. All-nighter I mean, I... geez. No. No no, we didn't do anything, maybe we could have, but I was too tired.

Huh. I'm tired a lot. I hope that doesn't mean I'll always be too tired to... I mean... not that I would never want to...

“We didn't do anything.” I say, lowering my voice to avoid waking him, he looks pretty peaceful. I glance back at Miki, who shrugs.

“I'll take your word on it.” She says. “But still, where'd he come from?”

“We, uh.” I sit up in the bed, blinking heavily, trying to remember the events of last night. Time gets harder to keep track of when you stay up long enough to blur the line between days.

“We declared war on dreams.” I mumble, and then look up at Miki. “No sleep 'till Brooklyn.”

“Uh huh.” She sits down on my legs, ow. Ow, ow, she shifts so that I can spread them and her weight rests on the bed, that's better.

“Coaxed him out of the boys' dorms and into your room, huh?” She winks. “You're getting better at this, Suzu.”

“It wasn't like that.” I say, still blushing a little. Miki nods, her expression growing serious.

“I know.” She replies softly. “Another nightmare?”

I don't want to think about it. I don't want to remember it, it already feels like it was ten years ago. I'd rather think about the dream I just woke up from, I'd rather relive happy memories and not... stargaze. Comet count? I don't mind either of those things, actually, it's the company that I object to.

I don't want to see him like that, I, I hate what he's become. What my stupid mind has turned him into. He doesn't deserve that.

He didn't deserve a lot of things.

“Hey. Suzu.” Miki prods me with her good hand, breaking the spell. My eyes refocus on the worried girl next to me.

“I'm right, aren't I?” She asks.

“Mhmm.” I nod, unable to keep the frown from my face. But I brush the last of my thoughts aside, no point in worrying about those things. I'd rather risk getting “the talk” from Miki than think about things like that. In fact, it probably wouldn't be so bad, her stump would hopefully prevent her from attempting any elaborate gestures. Or would that make some of them even bet--I mean, more horrifying?

“Do we need to have the talk?” I ask, switching gears. Miki looks like she wants to continue our previous conversation, but this new direction is too tempting to pass up.

“I don't know, do we?” She grins.

“Well...” I glance back at Hisao, who looks like he would have rolled off the bed by now if he wasn't on the side facing the wall. His head is pressed against it, and his body sags a little in the crack between it and the bed.

“Hold on a second.” I raise one finger, and then look around my room, blinking in the afternoon light.

“That.” I point. “I need that.”

Miki raises an eyebrow, but she pulls herself off the bed and fulfills my request.


“What are you doing?” She asks, but I bite my lip.

“This is for science.” The two of us are standing next to my bed. I hold the oversized t-rex plushy in my hands. Miki watches me with subdued curiosity, she looks like she hasn't been up much longer than me, and wouldn't mind getting a little more sleep herself.

I carefully extend my arms, nudging the boy sleeping in my bed with the stuffed animal. Hisao is still, for all intents and purposes, a medium sized slab of sediment.

I prod him harder, wiggling the t-rex a little. Hisao groans, and then, eyes still closed, reaches out and wraps his arms around the plushy, pulling it close. Next to me, Miki makes a “pffft” noise.

“Success.” I say with a grin. My boyfriend is now spooning with the stuffed animal he won for me during the festival.

“Is he usually that clingy?” Miki asks, wearing a gentle smirk.

“I dunno.” I try to think back. “I've always passed out pretty hard when he's been here before.”

“Always? Before?” Miki squints at me, her mouth drawn in a line. Oh crap.

“I mean, I mean, last night. Yeah.” I nod up and down quickly, but it's no use. Miki tilts her head at me, and I know I'm busted.

“Okay. One other time.”

“Did you hide him under the-”

“I hid him under the bed.” I say, squirming a little, and Miki laughs.

“You're such an idiot, you know.” She shakes her head. “What did you think I was going to do?”

“I don't know.” I mumble. There's a big difference between a school morning and a Sunday morning. Like, a difference of hours and hours of precious, wonderful sleep time. Mmm.

“I guess I just panicked.” I say. Miki rolls her eyes.

“But seriously, Suzu. If this is going to start happening a lot, do we need to talk?”

“No, no. No.” I sigh. I've already had “the talk” from my mother, although Miki's version would probably be more fun. I imagine it's probably the same for just about everyone, but the talk I got was a little more depressing. After all, not everyone falls asleep at random intervals, leaving them defenseless. Good thing I almost always have someone to watch over me. I'm really lucky. I have been so far. And with Miki and Hisao here, I'm sure that my lucky streak will...

...will...

Graduation. Comets. Nothing.

My luck will run out eventually. I bite my lip. I'm thinking about it, stop that, stop thinking. Forget about it. I don't have time to worry about that, I have bigger problems.

“I'm glad.” Miki says, prodding me again, bringing me back. “I just don't want to see you get hurt.”

I glance back at Hisao, who's still hugging the t-rex in my bed, his chest slowly moving back and forth. I guess he's a cuddler. That's good, I'm pretty sure I'm one too. That's a good combination, right? And I would be lying if I said it wasn't cute, watching him.

“I'm not worried about him hurting me.” I say softly.

Miki catches my meaning, I guess I should have expected her to.

“Hey, hey.” She says, taking a step towards me.

“Hey.” She looks at me with something between concern and a deep sadness. “Don't talk like that, you.”

I stare back at her, unable to chase the bad thoughts from my head. Maybe there's too many of them, or, or maybe they're just too bad, or I don't know. “Make me.” I mumble. Please.

“Fine.” Miki pulls me to her, enveloping me in one of her warm hugs, and I gladly accept.

“You're such an idiot sometimes.” She says into my hair.

“Sorry.” I whisper.

“And you apologize too much.” She continues.

“Sor--I mean, okay.”

We stay quiet for a few moments, I close my eyes, grateful for her soft embrace. The only sounds are the chirping of birds outside and another groan from Hisao.

“And you're a terrible cook.” Miki begins again.

“Not as bad as you.”

“I never passed out face first in the food I was trying to make.”

“Maybe it was so delicious that I wanted it all for myself.” I mumble, and Miki laughs, still hugging me.

A few more seconds pass. “You're lazy sometimes.” She says.

“Maybe.”

“And you make me wait around for you all the time and--”

“I do that.”

“--and you're my best, best damn friend.” She tightens her grip and I whimper, not because it hurts but because of the words she speaks softly into the top of my head.

“So don't you dare start talking like that again, Suzu. Don't you dare. Please.”

I nod and then bury my face in her collar, doing my best not to think or remember or worry. Miki gently rocks us from side to side, she's really good at this part, although I don't think she would want anyone to know it. I'm... I'm really lucky to have her here. If I hadn't met her last year... I don't want to think about where I'd be now. Who I'd be now. I might not even still be here, she's done that much for me. Miki. Miki...

“Miki.” I say into her shirt. “Thank you.”

“Yup.”

“For everything.”

“Yup.” She repeats. She pulls back, giving me a warm smile. Miki tussles my hair with her good hand.

“Hey, today's your day to report in, right? Have you told your parents you're packing some extra luggage?” She nods her head towards Hisao, who's still sleeping soundly. Luggage is right.

Wait, report in? Uh... what time is it? I turn my head to stare at my clock, mom should have called by now.

Oh. I pick up my phone from my nightstand, and flip it open to find a new voicemail waiting for me. I had forgotten to change it back from silent after all that texting back and forth last night. Was that last night? It doesn't even feel like last week, oh god, I think I need to go back to bed.

“I think I need to go back to bed.” I say groggily, and begin stumbling towards Hisao. My parents can wait, I have no plans for the rest of the day. Like I said, I'm not very good with planning. So I'll just fly by the... by the seat of my pillow. Yeah.

Behind me, Miki yawns. “Can I join you?” She asks.

I look back at her, she seems like she's only half joking. Hmm. Part of me wants to see how Hisao would react to being stuck between two pretty girls first thing in the morning... or afternoon, or whatever time it is. But on the other hand, I, um, don't want to give him a heart attack.

It might be kind of a squeeze. I lean forward and, with some effort, pluck the t-rex from Hisao's grasp, gently laying it on the floor. He's still lying on the far side of the bed next to the wall, so I slide in next to him. He really is all worn out from last night... or this morning, god, this is too confusing. I need a nap.

I turn back to Miki, who's still standing amid the waves of objects strewn around my carpet, and beckon her over. There's always room for one more. I'll always make room for her.

She grins and climbs into the bed next to me, somewhere in my fuzzy mind I had imagined Hisao being in the middle but he seems like he would be a hassle to move and now I'm, um...

“A Suzu sandwich.” Miki giggles, wriggling into a comfortable position next to me, her arm wrapping around my stomach.

“Told you I could cook.” I reply.

“You can not.” She says, and then closes her eyes.

Hisao mutters something in his sleep but otherwise doesn't stir. Okay, no more tank fuel for him. It might be well past noon by now, but the two of us are war veterans, and Miki is, well, Miki. And I wouldn't have her any other way.


A few more hours pass before we finally have to face the day. Hisao wakes up and, as expected, promptly freaks out, which isn't helped by Miki pretending to try to kiss me as he watches. He grabs his shoes and stumbles out of the room, sputtering something about needing to take his pills.

“I wonder if he's coming back.” I mumble as the door slams shut.

“He's probably going to get a video camera.” Miki replies, her face still extremely close to mine.

I'm about to ask why he would need one, although I'm not sure I want to know, when a quick, blinking light catches my attention. My cell phone is announcing an incoming call in the only way it can, I still haven't set it back to normal. Need to fix that.

“Ooh.” Miki says, following my gaze. She begins to reach towards my nightstand but I scramble to beat her to it, snatching my phone and then sinking back to my bed.

“So you can go fast when you want to.” Miki grumbles, puffing her cheeks a little.

“Shh.” I say, and then press the button. Beep.

“Hi mom.”

“I'd like to order a pizza.” The voice on the other end replies. My fuzzy brain takes a few moments to process this.

“Hi dad.”

“Good afternoon, girly.” My father says. The familiar greeting makes me smile.

“I don't think we have any pizza. We have um... um...” I lift my head from my pillow to glance around my wonderfully messy, comfy room. Miki searches with me, intrigued by the prospect of something to eat. “I think that's a box of crackers over there. Maybe.”

“No, hold on.” I squint, my eyes are still a little blurry. “That's a book. Sorry, we're all out.”

“I'll stick with your mother's cooking anyway, thanks.” My dad says, his tone light as ever. He sounds completely awake. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise, it's... it's... a little past 3. That's a good time to get up on a Sunday, in my opinion.

“Sorry for missing your call earlier, I forgot I left my phone on silent.” I say.

“It happens.” My dad replies. “Your mother is out and about today, so I thought I would be the one to do the debriefing, since it sounds like you've been getting into trouble.”

I moan, but there really isn't any getting out of this. Miki slides out of my bed and begins rummaging around my room, I wouldn't leave food like pizza lying out but there might be some instant noodles or something that she could have for breakfast. Lunch. An early dinner?

I fill my dad in on the events of the past week. Most of them, anyway. Some of them. Miki manages to find something to eat and departs with a wave and a wink, saying that she'll replenish my stocks later. I don't mind all that much, since I don't remember where that particular stock came from or how old it is, and besides, my biggest concern is how my father will react to hearing that me and Hisao are dating.

He actually takes it surprisingly well. Being a small business owner, my dad has always been an active, down-to-earth person, a... what do they call it. Someone who goes and gets things. A go getter. Right, that was easy, why can't more things be that simple. But anyway, my dad is very much a “rise and shine” kind of guy, which didn't really make it any easier for him to get used to the idea of his daughter having narcolepsy. But he took it all in stride, and even changed around his work schedule at times so he could be home when I was most likely to be awake. My dad has always worked hard, but he's almost never stopped smiling or cracking jokes, something he apparently intends to continue.

“So you told him that your father was a bodybuilder, right?” He asks.

“I haven't mentioned you to him yet, dad.”

“And that I was part of the special forces assault unit in the JSDF?”

“You were never in the army, dad. And I don't think they have a special forces assault whatever.”

“Right, right.” He says. “I forgot, that part is still classified. Forget I said anything.”

I giggle, pressing the phone to my ear. “Done.”

“Tell me he at least knows that I'm trained in guerrilla warfare, girly.” My dad continues, not even trying to sound serious anymore.

“You've never seen a gorilla in your life.” I retort, stretching my arms and legs. I'm just about awake now. Just about.

“Ah, but I have!” He says. “That time at the zoo, remember? Or were you asleep for that? You probably were.”

“That's a safe bet.” I reply, and he chuckles gently. Jokes about my condition are few and far between in my family, now.

“In all seriousness, girly. Would I like this 'Hisao'?”

I nod, even though that doesn't really work very well over the phone. “I think you would.”

“Good. When do I get to meet him?”

Time to bite the bullet. I still have no idea what that means or why anyone would do it.

“Next weekend?” I ask tentatively.

“So you're coming home after all?” My dad sounds pleased. “Good to hear, I know your mother has a couple of conversations that she wants to have with you in person.”

“Oh.” I say simply. It's the only response I can manage. No doubt most or all of them involve life after high school. I begin counting the lines of sunlight that my blinds cast across my walls.

“Don't be like that, girly.” He says. “You know we just want what's best for you. And you know I just want you to be happy.”

“I know, dad.”

“It will be good to see you again. So we'll pick you up from the station? How does the 8 o'clock train sound?”

“No.” I groan. Just the thought of such a horror makes me bury my face in my pillow.

“9?”

“Nooo.”

“10, that's my final offer.” He chuckles.

“Being up that early on a three day break is cruel and unusual punishment.” I mumble.

“And what have you done that requires punishing, girly?” My dad asks with fake suspicion. At least, I'm pretty sure it's fake.

“11 it is.” I say quickly, and he reluctantly agrees. My father makes me promise to “drag my butt out of bed”, somehow he can always tell, and then we say our goodbyes. Afterwards I keep my promise, rolling off my bed and onto my carpet, torn between searching for more of the food that Miki found or going to find her in case there's any of hers left.



As expected, the next week passes by in the blink of an eye. Well. Lots of blinks, of course. Does it count as a blink if you don't open your eyes again for a few minutes, or a few hours? What if it was supposed to be a blink but ends with you toppled over in the grass, or rubbing the impression of your textbook from your face? Rules like that get a little more complicated in my case, being special has never been so much fun. Or tiring.

Nothing too important happens. The art club and the literature club host a joint picnic on the school grounds. Takashi, one of the kids in our class, tries to get the girls to strip so we can reenact some famous painting or something, but Miki grabs him and grinds his face in the grass until he's shouting that it was a joke and he'll buy her lunch for the rest of the week. You can always count her in when free food is on the agenda. And putting jerks in their place.

Before I know it, it's Friday afternoon. There are no classes Saturday and Monday, so now it's time to pack.

I don't have to bring very much, anything I would need is probably still at my room back home. Unless... unless they've rented it out, or turned it into an office, or they've moved and neglected to tell me. But, uh, I probably don't have to worry about that.

I shove a few of my favorite clothes into a bag and then deliberate bringing some of my textbooks with me. Our teachers will be kicking things up into even higher gear once we get back to school on Tuesday, from there it's a straight, grueling grind towards the exams standing between us and summer vacation. I should really bring some study material along, especially since there isn't a lot to do at my house, but... you know what, Hisao is probably the type who will do just that. And my textbooks are heavy. Besides, studying together will give us something to do. Other than talk about... things. Things that I don't want to talk or even think about, but I need to do both.

My gaze drifts to the battered red book sitting on my desk. “Assorted Works of William Shakespeare”, the faded cover reads. It's been with me a long time, I've read it from front to back a dozen times over. Even the parts that were a little boring.

I gently flip it open to the first page. The inscription on the inside cover used to always make me feel warm, but now, I barely manage to suppress a shiver. I close my eyes.

Can I really do this? I don't know if I have the strength. I don't think Hisao will hate me for telling him. It's more likely that, after I do, he'll always see me as some broken little girl, someone who needs constant supervision and protection.

I wish that wasn't so close to the truth.

I wish my head worked right, I, I wish...

I wish he was still here. I miss him. I miss him a lot.

My eyes begin to burn again, but I clench them shut, forcing myself to take deep breaths. This book represents happy memories, I would read it while lying in a hospital bed and dream about kings and castles and lovers, and eventually I would wake up and it was time to go home again, until the next time that I got a little unlucky and wound up right back where I started. But it was always there for me, the plays and sonnets were always there to whisk my mind away to better and brighter places. It was always there when I needed it. And so was the boy who gave it to me.

I open my eyes. It's... it's a long train ride. I'll need something to read anyway, and I really don't feel like studying. Maybe having this will help, maybe it will give me some strength. Hisao will get tired of waiting for me to open up, eventually. I don't want to have to hide things from him, and I don't want to have these dreams and feel empty and scared. I don't want to think about the future. But I can't do nothing, I can't keep treading water around him. I'm not even very good at swimming, although it's worth the risk sometimes. Here, now, though, I just need to be able to touch the bottom.

Can I really do this? I need to. I have to. It has to happen, or I might as well give up now.

I can't give up. I won't, Hisao is too good to give up. He's more than I deserve.

I really like being around him. I really joking back and forth with him, I really like just hanging around with him, doing nothing, reading books next to eachother. I really like waking up to see him give me that warm smile, I really like the feeling of his arms around me. I even like his stupid sweatervests.

Hisao. I need to do this. I need to tell you something. What will happen after that, I don't know, I never do. The future is vast and blank and scary, but it's getting closer, one second at a time.

Carefully, I pick up the book and tuck it in my bag. And then I turn and leave.