Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- [22:34:14] <Sophisanimus> Daisy in Evolve.
- [22:34:26] <Sophisanimus> Is apparently trained in field medicine.
- [22:34:33] <Ravenous_Woon> vgy
- [22:34:40] <Sophisanimus> http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140614031059/evolve/images/b/b5/Daisy_Portrait.jpg
- [22:34:49] <Sophisanimus> "I'll be your doctor today."
- [22:34:53] <Ravenous_Woon> Yeah.
- [22:35:03] <Ravenous_Woon> Being revived by that.
- [22:35:04] <Sophisanimus> "Where does it hurt?"
- [22:35:14] <Sophisanimus> "Say 'Aaah.'"
- [22:35:14] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [22:35:21] <Ravenous_Woon> . . .
- [22:35:30] <Sophisanimus> "...you have cancer. Alien cancer."
- [22:35:44] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:35:47] <Sophisanimus> Fuck.
- [22:35:48] <Ravenous_Woon> Fuck you.
- [22:35:50] <Sophisanimus> "Tail cancer."
- [22:36:08] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:36:17] * Ravenous_Woon flashbacks to GaLm's Black Mesa monologue.
- [22:36:25] <Sophisanimus> There's a dog in the neighborhood.
- [22:36:27] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:36:29] <Sophisanimus> Maggie.
- [22:36:33] <Sophisanimus> Fuck.
- [22:36:35] <Sophisanimus> Anyways.
- [22:36:39] <Sophisanimus> She had a butt-stroke.
- [22:36:52] <Sophisanimus> This is more serious than it may sound.
- [22:36:58] <Sophisanimus> She's mostly recovered, but...
- [22:36:59] <Ravenous_Woon> "I'm Spiderman! But you're not actually Spiderman because it's actually cancer."
- [22:37:10] <Sophisanimus> That's a thing, apparently. Stroke of the butt.
- [22:37:11] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [22:37:14] <Ravenous_Woon> ...butt-stroke?
- [22:37:24] <Ravenous_Woon> That took a while to sink in.
- [22:37:39] <Sophisanimus> It's a stroke. In the rump region.
- [22:37:50] <Ravenous_Woon> I know.
- [22:38:01] <Ravenous_Woon> And it's the very bad kind of stroke.
- [22:38:05] <Ravenous_Woon> But it's still a butt-stroke.
- [22:38:07] <Sophisanimus> vgy
- [22:38:11] <Sophisanimus> vgy
- [22:38:21] <Ravenous_Woon> Better than a poop-stroke, I guess.
- [22:38:24] <Sophisanimus> I believe the issue is that the horizontal nature of the spine that allows for blood flow to fail there more readily than in humans.
- [22:38:29] <Ravenous_Woon> But not by mu-...shit.
- [22:38:34] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:39:37] <Ravenous_Woon> Erm, where are you going with this?
- [22:39:41] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:39:43] <Ravenous_Woon> Where are you taking the butt-stroke?
- [22:39:50] <Ravenous_Woon> How is this relevant to tail-cancer?
- [22:39:53] <Sophisanimus> It came up due to the Tail Cancer.
- [22:39:56] <Sophisanimus> Well.
- [22:40:00] <Ravenous_Woon> Or, for that matter, angry animal doctor?
- [22:40:12] <Sophisanimus> Tangential object of curiosity resulting from non-human anatomy.
- [22:40:21] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:40:26] <Ravenous_Woon> Stahp!
- [22:40:29] <Sophisanimus> Tail-chemo.
- [22:40:33] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [22:40:49] <Sophisanimus> "We have to MRI your tail."
- [22:41:11] <Ravenous_Woon> I don't...I don't have a fucking tail.
- [22:41:21] <Sophisanimus> No, but Daisy does.
- [22:41:24] <Ravenous_Woon> How can I have cancer in something I don't have?
- [22:41:25] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [22:41:29] <Ravenous_Woon> She IS the doctor.
- [22:41:35] <Sophisanimus> Well, yes.
- [22:41:37] <Sophisanimus> But.
- [22:41:44] <Ravenous_Woon> Are you telling me the doctor has cancer?
- [22:41:45] <Sophisanimus> Considering she is a trained medical professional...
- [22:41:55] <Ravenous_Woon> Why does the doctor have cancer?
- [22:42:09] <Sophisanimus> ...does it not stand to reason that she be trained to practice on her own species?
- [22:42:14] <Ravenous_Woon> Why was the doctor talking to HERSELF and declaring, from a third-person perspective, "you have cancer"?
- [22:42:24] <Sophisanimus> No, no, no.
- [22:42:35] <Sophisanimus> She'd be doing this while passing packs of Trapjaws during the hunt.
- [22:42:37] <Ravenous_Woon> [22:41:11] <Ravenous_Woon> I don't...I don't have a fucking tail.
- [22:42:37] <Ravenous_Woon> [22:41:21] <Sophisanimus> No, but Daisy does.
- [22:42:44] <Sophisanimus> Yes.
- [22:42:50] <Ravenous_Woon> You were...
- [22:42:51] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [22:42:52] <Ravenous_Woon> Look.
- [22:42:55] <Ravenous_Woon> Tail cancer.
- [22:43:04] <Sophisanimus> I am bouncing a little in my conclusions.
- [22:43:19] <Ravenous_Woon> I imagined Doctor Daisy tending to a wounded hunter.
- [22:43:29] <Ravenous_Woon> So the statement "you have tail-cancer" was rather distressing.
- [22:43:31] <Sophisanimus> The medical professional has a tail. Ergo, she is likely versed in treating tail-related ailments.
- [22:43:39] <Ravenous_Woon> Hence my own statement, "I don't have a tail"
- [22:43:48] <Ravenous_Woon> Then you said "No, but Daisy does"
- [22:43:53] <Sophisanimus> Yes.
- [22:43:55] <Ravenous_Woon> Which lead me to believe that Daisy was diagnosing herself.
- [22:44:06] <Sophisanimus> My logic is insane, but sound in an insane way!
- [22:44:14] <Ravenous_Woon> No it isn't.
- [22:44:21] <Sophisanimus> You're just too sane.
- [22:44:24] <Sophisanimus> Clearly.
- [22:44:38] <Ravenous_Woon> [22:44:21] <Sophisanimus> You're just too sane.
- [22:44:38] <Ravenous_Woon> [22:44:24] <Sophisanimus> Clearly.
- [22:44:44] <Sophisanimus> I won't discount that your impressions were not valid given the circumstances.
- [22:44:51] <Ravenous_Woon> There's one for the history books.
- [22:44:52] <Sophisanimus> But we're talking about Tail Cancer.
- [22:44:59] <Ravenous_Woon> Mythologique: Defined as "too sane".
- [22:45:02] <Sophisanimus> Ergo sanity is not the best measure of cause and effect.
- [22:45:15] <Sophisanimus> </insane troll logic>
- [22:45:28] <Sophisanimus> Well.
- [22:45:34] <Ravenous_Woon> You can see my logic perfectly well.
- [22:45:36] <Sophisanimus> Mostly just insane and logic. Not so much troll.
- [22:45:38] <Sophisanimus> Yes.
- [22:45:46] <Ravenous_Woon> You can understand how I came to that conclusion.
- [22:45:53] <Ravenous_Woon> Yes?
- [22:45:56] <Sophisanimus> I just also consider it senselessly sensible given the circumstances.
- [22:46:02] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [22:46:31] <Ravenous_Woon> If you understand how I came to that conclusion then you ALSO understand how your initial presentation made no sense, at all, in any context, regardless of how it was read.
- [22:46:58] <Ravenous_Woon> That it was poorly conceived and the only person who understands yourself is, well, you.
- [22:47:38] <Sophisanimus> I argue that it was brilliantly conceived and did make sense in the context of my runaway train of thought.
- [22:47:50] <Sophisanimus> But I stipulate all else is valid.
- [22:48:04] <Ravenous_Woon> But it was only 'brilliantly conceived' within your very narrow scope!
- [22:48:12] <Sophisanimus> Well.
- [22:48:16] <Ravenous_Woon> As you are the only one who actually understands what the hell you were talking about.
- [22:48:22] <Sophisanimus> True.
- [22:48:24] <Sophisanimus> Though.
- [22:48:27] <Ravenous_Woon> So for literally everyone else...
- [22:48:31] <Ravenous_Woon> You suck at English.
- [22:48:35] <Sophisanimus> :p
- [22:49:06] <Ravenous_Woon> You just told me I'm 'too sane', I can say whatever the fuck I want.
- [22:49:10] <Sophisanimus> Or clearly and succinctly communicating insane concepts to sane individuals?
- [22:49:15] <Ravenous_Woon> Fuck you and your kumquat.
- [22:49:22] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:49:27] <Ravenous_Woon> It wasn't an insane concept.
- [22:49:28] <Sophisanimus> Now I need kumquats.
- [22:49:32] <Ravenous_Woon> You just fucked up the presentation.
- [22:49:36] <Sophisanimus> Perhaps.
- [22:49:43] <Ravenous_Woon> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'PERHAPS'?
- [22:49:54] <Ravenous_Woon> You literally said Daisy had tail-cancer.
- [22:50:08] <Ravenous_Woon> There is no 'perhaps' that that is a fuckup if that's not what you meant.
- [22:50:09] <Sophisanimus> Yes.
- [22:50:10] <Sophisanimus> Though.
- [22:50:18] <Sophisanimus> Well, sorta.
- [22:50:20] <Ravenous_Woon> You done fucked up!
- [22:50:24] <Sophisanimus> XD
- [22:50:27] <Ravenous_Woon> You fucked up!
- [22:50:31] <Ravenous_Woon> You have fucked up now!
- [22:50:34] <Sophisanimus> At first she had tail cancer, but only briefly!
- [22:50:38] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [22:50:44] <Ravenous_Woon> Now you fucked up!
- [22:50:45] <Sophisanimus> A brief fling with tail cancer.
- [22:51:10] <Sophisanimus> And now all the other Trapjaws have tail cancer, for some reason.
- [22:51:20] <Sophisanimus> Just not Daisy. Because Maggie is a good pet-owner.
- [22:51:26] <Ravenous_Woon> "For some reason"
- [22:51:32] <Sophisanimus> vgy
- [22:51:37] <Ravenous_Woon> Do you see this glaring flaw in your logic?
- [22:51:48] <Sophisanimus> Yep!
- [22:52:10] <Sophisanimus> If one Trapjaw could have tail-cancer, this means that they -all- -definitely- have tail-cancer.
- [22:52:13] <Sophisanimus> ...except for Daisy.
- [22:52:20] <Sophisanimus> 'Cause she's a doctor.
- [22:52:21] <Ravenous_Woon> You fucked up again.
- [22:52:31] <Ravenous_Woon> 'Could have' and 'have' are different things.
- [22:52:45] <Ravenous_Woon> "I could have AIDS, so everybody has AIDS!"
- [22:52:58] <Sophisanimus> But this is too glorious of a logic black-hole to bother with semantics like that!
- [22:53:08] <Ravenous_Woon> But the semantics make the hole!
- [22:53:18] <Sophisanimus> Or is it the lack of semantics?
- [22:53:23] <Ravenous_Woon> Yeah, lack.
- [22:53:29] <Ravenous_Woon> Okay.
- [22:53:31] <Ravenous_Woon> But.
- [22:53:42] <Ravenous_Woon> Poking the hole!
- [22:53:43] <Sophisanimus> Though that would make this more of a logic vacuum.
- [22:53:52] <Sophisanimus> ...which is far less interesting.
- [22:53:53] <Sophisanimus> So!
- [22:54:01] <Sophisanimus> Clearly we must add MORE logic!
- [22:54:12] <Sophisanimus> Until the density achieves critical!
- [22:54:22] <Sophisanimus> Therefore.
- [22:54:30] <Sophisanimus> The Monster -IS- tail-cancer!
- [22:54:39] <Sophisanimus> And Daisy is just trying to treat it.
- [22:54:46] <Sophisanimus> ...with her fangs.
- [22:55:14] <Ravenous_Woon> Look, you just abruptly introduced tail-cancer in humans, then backtracked and stated that it wasn't in humans and that it was actually Daisy, and then changed THAT to "she doesn't have cancer because she's a doctor, but because it's -possible- for Trapjaws to -get- cancer, ALL Trapjaws now have cancer."
- [22:55:28] <Ravenous_Woon> Except Daisy.
- [22:55:38] <Sophisanimus> And now the cancer is the Monster.
- [22:55:44] <Ravenous_Woon> I'm retconning that.
- [22:55:46] <Sophisanimus> ...because it eats Trapjaws.
- [22:56:14] <Ravenous_Woon> Well, okay. It's not technically a retcon.
- [22:56:22] <Ravenous_Woon> Because it hasn't happened yet.
- [22:56:24] <Ravenous_Woon> But.
- [22:56:34] <Ravenous_Woon> NON-CANON TAIL-CANCER UNIVERSE.
- [22:58:33] <Sophisanimus> So.
- [22:58:37] <Sophisanimus> What have we learned today?
- [22:58:55] <Ravenous_Woon> I'm too sane and you suck at presenting logic.
- [22:59:04] <Sophisanimus> Yes, and?
- [22:59:08] <Ravenous_Woon> Or rather, presenting a logical...fuck you.
- [22:59:21] <Ravenous_Woon> Daisy does not have tail-cancer.
- [22:59:32] <Ravenous_Woon> Nor do humans.
- [22:59:32] <Sophisanimus> And...?
- [22:59:49] <Ravenous_Woon> ALL Trapjaws (except for Daisy) have tail-cancer. Permanently.
- [23:00:20] <Sophisanimus> Also, possible implications.
- [23:00:26] <Sophisanimus> If it has a tail, it has cancer.
- [23:00:30] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [23:00:34] <Sophisanimus> ...of the tail.
- [23:00:45] <Ravenous_Woon> THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER.
- [23:00:45] <Sophisanimus> But don't worry!
- [23:00:53] <Ravenous_Woon> IT'S FUCKING CANCER.
- [23:01:12] <Sophisanimus> Tail-cancer is much less bad than ass-cancer.
- [23:01:26] <Ravenous_Woon> Tail-cancer can rapidly become ass-cancer.
- [23:02:03] <Sophisanimus> Unless diagnosed and treated by a tail-cancer expert such as Daisy.
- [23:02:17] <Ravenous_Woon> Why does Daisy not have cancer?
- [23:02:30] <Sophisanimus> She's a doctor.
- [23:02:40] <Ravenous_Woon> Why does being a doctor allow her to avoid cancer?
- [23:02:52] <Sophisanimus> Early diagnosis and access to treatment.
- [23:03:00] <Ravenous_Woon> What is the treatment?
- [23:03:08] <Sophisanimus> Tail-chemo.
- [23:03:15] <Sophisanimus> Also, tail-radiation.
- [23:03:21] <Ravenous_Woon> Does Daisy partake in this?
- [23:03:46] <Sophisanimus> She might be able to self-administer the cocktail.
- [23:04:15] <Ravenous_Woon> I'd say I think you are talking out of your ass, but you'd just say that can't be true because you have ass-cancer.
- [23:04:19] <Sophisanimus> Radiation would likely require equipment and a team to operate said equipment.
- [23:04:21] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [23:04:26] <Sophisanimus> And now Daisy has a team.
- [23:04:31] <Sophisanimus> Daisy is the new House.
- [23:04:35] <Ravenous_Woon> HEY HEY HEY.
- [23:04:39] <Ravenous_Woon> DAISY IS THE FUCKING DOCTOR HERE.
- [23:04:47] <Ravenous_Woon> Nobody else knows jack shit about tail-cancer.
- [23:04:54] <Ravenous_Woon> If they did, it wouldn't be a problem, would it?
- [23:05:08] <Sophisanimus> She can probably talk the technicians through the process.
- [23:05:18] <Ravenous_Woon> If she can then why is tail-cancer a problem?
- [23:05:26] <Sophisanimus> Short of surgery, she can probably assist.
- [23:05:38] <Sophisanimus> ...with surgery, she might even be able to remain conscious and instruct.
- [23:05:49] <Sophisanimus> Local anesthetic and all.
- [23:05:50] <Ravenous_Woon> Answer the god-damn question!
- [23:06:03] <Sophisanimus> Well, here's the thing.
- [23:06:13] <Ravenous_Woon> Stop dodging the god-damn question!
- [23:06:14] <Ravenous_Woon> Answer the god-damn question!
- [23:06:26] <Sophisanimus> How many human doctors possess the social skills to treat Trapjaws in their natural environment?
- [23:06:27] <Sophisanimus> Also.
- [23:06:29] <Sophisanimus> The monster.
- [23:06:42] <Sophisanimus> Daisy is clearly not a one-trick Trapjaw.
- [23:06:46] <Ravenous_Woon> Apparently a lot, since Daisy is tame.
- [23:07:14] <Ravenous_Woon> In fact, since Daisy is tame, I'm inclined to say all of them.
- [23:07:29] <Sophisanimus> But for the part where they try to eat humans.
- [23:07:31] <Ravenous_Woon> "How to Treat a Wild Trapjaw, by Daisy"
- [23:07:32] <Sophisanimus> Hrm.
- [23:07:36] <Sophisanimus> This raises a question.
- [23:07:41] <Ravenous_Woon> Oh fucking really?
- [23:07:43] <Sophisanimus> Do wild Trapjaws attack Daisy?
- [23:07:47] <Ravenous_Woon> Yes.
- [23:08:08] <Sophisanimus> So, she is most definitely House.
- [23:08:09] <Ravenous_Woon> Daisy is a party member like anyone else and gets attacked/incapacitated by bad shit.
- [23:08:21] <Sophisanimus> Well...
- [23:08:34] <Sophisanimus> I am not certain if I have seen her be attacked by Trapjaws.
- [23:08:38] <Ravenous_Woon> House didn't treat humans using a team of trained medic-dogs.
- [23:08:46] <Ravenous_Woon> Which is basically what you're suggesting.
- [23:08:50] <Sophisanimus> She takes damage from other things, sure, but this is a question of aggro.
- [23:09:19] <Ravenous_Woon> House didn't get down on his hands and knees and go 'woof woof, grrr' to come up with a cure for cancer.
- [23:09:39] <Sophisanimus> ...are you sure?
- [23:09:59] <Ravenous_Woon> Nor did Daisy stand up, put a suit on, and deliver a PowerPoint presentation on tail-cancer, to a species that doesn't even have tails.
- [23:11:47] <Ravenous_Woon> Have you anything to say to this?
- [23:12:02] <Sophisanimus> ...apparently House did catch a treat in his mouth.
- [23:12:05] <Ravenous_Woon> Mr. All Trapjaws Have Tail-Cancer Except That One Because She's A Doctor?
- [23:12:25] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [23:12:51] <Sophisanimus> Also, that image of Daisy giving a PowerPoint presentation in a suit.
- [23:13:07] <Sophisanimus> To a mixed audience of humans and Trapjaw med students.
- [23:13:17] <Ravenous_Woon> There are no Trapjaw med students!
- [23:13:27] <Ravenous_Woon> All Trapjaws are evil and have tail-cancer!
- [23:13:31] <Ravenous_Woon> Except Daisy.
- [23:13:37] <Ravenous_Woon> Because she's a motherfucking doctor.
- [23:13:37] <Sophisanimus> Woah.
- [23:13:44] <Ravenous_Woon> Don't you dare.
- [23:13:44] <Sophisanimus> Who said anything about being evil?
- [23:13:48] <Sophisanimus> And they aren't doctors, yet.
- [23:13:55] <Ravenous_Woon> I didn't say they were.
- [23:14:23] <Sophisanimus> Just because Daisy is the only doctor doesn't mean there can't be premed Trapjaws.
- [23:14:30] <Ravenous_Woon> But you're implying that Daisy is trying to assemble a team of Trapjaw med students all of a sudden.
- [23:14:43] <Ravenous_Woon> Daisy is the -only- tame Trapjaw.
- [23:14:50] <Ravenous_Woon> ...and she's also a doctor.
- [23:14:52] <Sophisanimus> She's a Trapjaw-rights activist.
- [23:14:59] <Ravenous_Woon> Stop making shit up!
- [23:15:10] <Ravenous_Woon> It's not helping!
- [23:15:14] <Sophisanimus> Integration through education!
- [23:15:21] <Ravenous_Woon> THEY HAVE CANCER.
- [23:15:37] <Sophisanimus> All the more reason to become productive members of society.
- [23:15:41] <Sophisanimus> Medical benefits.
- [23:15:44] <Ravenous_Woon> But they hate society!
- [23:16:07] <Sophisanimus> Society's been a bit of a bitch to them thus far.
- [23:16:20] <Ravenous_Woon> I don't know about that.
- [23:16:24] <Sophisanimus> But hatred never brought about positive change.
- [23:16:40] <Ravenous_Woon> Then why are Trapjaws eating people in the streets?
- [23:16:55] <Ravenous_Woon> When these people are avoiding them, just trying to make a living?
- [23:17:04] <Ravenous_Woon> Killing big bad monsters?
- [23:17:19] <Ravenous_Woon> Who in turn are also trying to eat the Trapjaws.
- [23:17:27] <Ravenous_Woon> So indirect helping.
- [23:17:42] <Ravenous_Woon> But the Trapjaws are assholes (except for Daisy) and murder people.
- [23:18:04] <Sophisanimus> Those are the ones who are -not- premed.
- [23:18:07] <Ravenous_Woon> It's hard to do something about cancer when your patients are eating you.
- [23:18:09] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [23:18:28] <Ravenous_Woon> HOW DO YOU GET PREMED TRAPJAWS IF ALL OF THEM EXCEPT DAISY WANT TO EAT YOU?
- [23:18:43] <Sophisanimus> Impassioned speeches.
- [23:18:54] <Ravenous_Woon> They don't give a shit about impassioned speeches.
- [23:19:03] <Sophisanimus> Consisting of barks and growls and grunts with the odd yelp or snuffle.
- [23:19:10] <Ravenous_Woon> Daisy is shunned.
- [23:19:16] <Sophisanimus> Also electric shocks.
- [23:19:19] <Ravenous_Woon> If not attacked on sight.
- [23:19:19] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [23:19:58] <Sophisanimus> Also, pepper spray.
- [23:20:27] <Ravenous_Woon> So now you're forcing Trapjaws into slavery.
- [23:20:29] <Ravenous_Woon> Good job.
- [23:20:36] <Sophisanimus> Possibly.
- [23:20:44] <Ravenous_Woon> What does Daisy think of this?
- [23:20:46] <Sophisanimus> The hunters can be a little assholeish.
- [23:20:56] <Sophisanimus> Probably just biding her time.
- [23:21:03] <Sophisanimus> ...and peeing on Maggie's bed for comfort.
- [23:21:22] <Ravenous_Woon> I'm playing along with this because there's no way you can get out of this hole you've dug.
- [23:21:39] <Sophisanimus> Yep!
- [23:21:44] <Ravenous_Woon> ...
- [23:21:53] <Ravenous_Woon> Except, apparently, by complete and utter honesty.
- [23:22:03] <Sophisanimus> Always a good thing.
- [23:22:12] <Sophisanimus> Except when it isn't.
- [23:22:14] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [23:22:17] <Sophisanimus> Anyways!
- [23:22:27] <Ravenous_Woon> Just about everything you've said up to that point has been dishonest.
- [23:22:39] <Sophisanimus> I wouldn't qualify it as that.
- [23:22:50] <Sophisanimus> Just... fast and loose with truth and reality?
- [23:22:53] <Sophisanimus> Well.
- [23:22:57] <Sophisanimus> Unreality.
- [23:23:06] <Sophisanimus> ...which is pretty easy, considering it isn't real.
- [23:23:06] <Ravenous_Woon> I;m not sure if truth is right either.
- [23:23:27] <Ravenous_Woon> Things went downhill the moment tail-cancer was introduced.
- [23:24:13] <Sophisanimus> ...
- [23:24:23] <Sophisanimus> Poor Wraith.
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement