Lilly Route: Conflict: 2-7: Fish and Bricks

We leave the river bank and recover our shoes, holding them while our feet dry, walking down the shoreline arm in arm and away from the group and the dock. Their voices pass into the background beneath the sounds of the river water and the birds in the nearby trees. "As I said, it's difficult enough with Shizune in the same house, let alone this particular house," Lilly continues.
"What do you mean?"

Lilly hesitates, not knowing what to say to my request. "Can you keep a secret?"
"Of course."
Lilly goes to speak, then falters, before trying again. "I do not care for my uncle very much," she confesses.
I totally understand why that may be. Hearing Lilly admit it is surprising though. It's not often she admits to disliking something or someone, let alone her own family. Even Shizune rarely bears the brunt of her dissaproval. "That doesn't seem so strange. I may only have just met him, but he doesn't strike me as the friendliest person."
"It's not just that, Hisao. Please don't think I'm speaking ill of him, but my experiences with my uncle have been far from pleasant."
"What do you mean?"

Lilly shrugs. "Well, I don't like bringing this up, but he is painfully insensitive."
I recall him shouting at Shizune and claiming he had no time for sign language. "I take it he doesn't make many allowances for Shizune's deafness."
"None at all." Lilly says emphatically. "The man seems totally incapable of understanding her circumstances."
I catch something in Lilly's tone. "What about yours?"
Lilly turns slightly away. "I do not think he does it out of any malicious intent, but he seems unwilling or unable to understand the difficulties involved."
"How so?"
Lilly sighs. I know she doesn't like to talk about her own limitations and this conversation can't be easy for her, but she soldiers on. If anything, it shows me that she is more willing to be open about these sort of things with me than she ever was before. It's nice to know she trusts me enough to be frank about her family situation. "For one, he rearranges furniture without telling me. I can't count how many times I have tripped over a chair because he didn't like where it was. He leaves his things laying all over the floor with no regards to tidiness, then he becomes furious if anyone else leaves something out of place or somewhere other than where he placed it last."
I shake my head. "It must be hard staying here then."
"It has not been easy, but Akira seems to handle our uncle better than I do. She seems better equipped to deal with his eccentricities. They often argue, mostly about me, but more often than not Akira gets him to either give me a begrudging apology or attempt to rectify his ways. Still, I've often noticed he is rather cruel to both Hideaki and Shizune and I do not care for his treatment of them."

I think about what Lilly has said. Akira mentioned that Mr. Satou and Jigoro, despite being brothers, were very different. Mr. Satou seems to have made great allowances and alterations to accommodate Lilly's condition while Jigoro seems unwilling to do the same for his own daughter, not even bothering to learn sign for her. When Jigoro yelled at Shizune, Mr. Satou looked furious over his treatment of her. Strange how two people, brothers at that, can be so different in opinion on the same subject; Jigoro doesn't take the time to communicate with his own daughter while Mr. Satou makes the effort to learn how to speak to his niece, even though they don't live in the same country. "Has your family always been like this?"

Lilly sighs. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Even when I was very little, my father and uncle did not get along."
"You don't think Jigoro is that way towards you because he doesn't like your father, do you?"
Lilly shakes her head. "No, I do not believe that. My uncle may be a hard man, but he doesn't seem to genuinely dislike either me or Akira. His attitude seems to come from either ignorance or stubbornness, not animosity. He would not have taken me and Akira in when we were younger if that were the case. Casting us out would have been a more damaging blow to my father if he had simply wanted to spite, rather than humble him."

I'm surprised to hear that from her. "'Take you in'? What do you mean by that?"
Lilly giggles. "Hisao, you didn't think Akira and I lived on our own from the beginning when our parents left for Scotland, did you?"

If Lilly's parents left six years ago, that would make Lilly twelve and Akira nineteen at the time. That does seems pretty young to be on their own. "I guess I did. Are you saying that you and Akira lived with your uncle?"
Lilly nods. "For a time, in fact. Akira was at university on and off and I was still very young. Our uncle offered to let us stay at his house until we could manage on our own. It was only a short while, between the time we moved from our parent's old home to the smaller one Akira and I shared."
"That seems awfully generous of him."

Lilly gives a halfhearted nod. "I'd rather say it was considerate of him, though I suspect it had more to do with slighting my father than anything, to make it seem that my uncle was taking care of my father's job to provide for us. Just another instance of the two of them trying to out do the other. Still, he did his best and other than his inconsiderate nature, it did give Akira the time she needed to finish university before she went to work at our father's business." Lilly's face sours. "Still, I suspect that's where the seeds of the issues between Shizune and myself began. With only us in the house, I often think my uncle tried to set Shizune and I against each other and his treatment of her did not help."

"What about Hideaki? You seem to get along well enough with him."

Lilly smiles. "Hideaki is a sweet boy. He was very young when Akira and I lived at the Hakamichi house, but he was always a rather shy child. He has that streak of ruthlessness Shizune can show at times, though it's tempered a bit I think by his innocence. I think he's actually a rather sensitive young man, but has to hide it because of his father's overbearing presence. I think part of his problem is he has very few friends and spends most of his time alone. Though as you say, while he and I do get along well and he has been very considerate to me as a guest in his home, he does not often speak to me and sometimes has difficulties holding a conversation. Honestly, he gets along better with Akira, which is only to be expected."

"Really? I thought he was more outgoing than I've ever seen him since I arrived."
Lilly giggles. "That's because you are here."
"What do you mean?"
She taps me on the arm playfully. "Recently he's been asking me many questions about you. I think he has a small case of hero worship."
I blink. "Me? You're joking right?"
"Why not? Hisao, I'm not trying to flatter you, but you left an impression on him with your efforts to stop me. He seems to have become quite taken with you. As I said before, he does not have many friends or role models, especially male ones. I think he's just trying to make friends with you."

I feel a little flustered by that. I've never had anyone look up to me before, but I guess if Hideaki is that impressionable, I shouldn't be so quick to wave him off like I have been. I can already tell he doesn't like to be belittled or teased about his age or appearance. I guess I should be more sensitive. Living with a man like Mr. Hakamichi for a father, it isn't surprising that Hideaki and Shizune are the way they are.

Understandable, I think. If Jigoro is the kind of man Lilly says he is, it's not surprising that Shizune grew to become the stubborn, headstrong woman she is today or that Hideaki is quiet and isolated. Having a father like that so obsessed with coming out on top, with Shizune being unable to speak with anyone in the house and with Hideaki being left to his own devices must have been an isolating and upsetting youth for the both of them to have. My thoughts wander to the idea of Shizune and Lilly living in a house like that and it seems to fit well with what I know about the two of them. If anything, I'm even more impressed with Lilly's grace under pressure, though I know from experience that is not always the best way for her to deal with stress.

We walk further down the riverbank and find a tree that leans out over the water. I ask Lilly if she'd like to stop for a minute and she agrees, the two of us sitting on the grassy incline leading down to the river. "It must have been very difficult growing up like that."

Lilly stops, her face in a state of thought. "It was. After living with my parents who were so careful and considerate about my condition, it was quite a shock to be faced with my uncle's callousness. I guess in a sad way, it helped prepare me with the realization that just because I possess my own way of dealing with life, it does not mean the rest of the world will always be quick to accommodate me and my needs. A hard lesson, but a valuable one, one I took to heart. Though, even when it was at it's worst, I didn't feel nearly as sorry for myself as I did Shizune, but obviously we had little ability to communicate with each other. We did our best, though; we had a little system we worked out to get ideas back and forth between us. Honestly, we spent half of our time figuring out how to simply talk to each other. It brought us close, but that closeness was quickly lost when Akira and I moved out on our own. When both Shizune and I began to attend Yamaku, we only held it for a little while before everything fell apart." She sighs sadly. "I miss that; the two of us being close."

"You really wish the two of you got along better, don't you?"
Lilly nods. "Yes, with all my heart. I suspect she does as well. I think we both simply have a hard time saying it." She pauses for a long time. "Perhaps we're both a little too proud to admit it."

With all the difficulty between the two of them, the cavernous distance between their ability to communicate, it must have been an intensely difficult experience for Lilly and Shizune to be together when they were just little girls. Days spent playing with each other, trying to figure out how to do simple things like say 'hello' in the morning, share toys, tell each other how they are feeling; I always thought their conditions were a contributing factor to their animosity, but realizing that they lived together, spent time together and tried to find a way to speak to one another, their arguments get put into an entirely different light. Now it seems their spiteful behavior towards one another is a silly misunderstanding or a proxy of the issues between their fathers. It seems unfair to me that the two men would drag their daughters, two people who should be close to one another, into their petty disagreements.

Maybe it's my favoritism, but I always found myself thinking that their arguments were one sided, that it was always Shizune's fault they started, but I guess that was my own ignorance of the situation and my wish to think Lilly was blameless in it all. I guess I was wrong about that; it isn't because one of them is to blame, or even both of them is to blame it's just a natural extension of all the issues both of them have; Lilly's parents being gone, her inability to be open, Shizune's often off-putting drive and her borderline abusive father. I guess I have to stop making assumptions about the people around me, stop going off what I see and hear and start understanding what is really happening around me. The lesson is one I was supposed to learn when Lilly left for Scotland, but even now I find myself having a hard time letting it sink in, trying to wrap my head around the idea and change the way I've lived for so long. It's only natural; change is hard, I know that just from my pills and exercise, leaving my old school for Yamaku.

Still, the rewards are great and well worth the pain of change.

I hear a voice calling for the two of us and I see, down the river and back towards the dock, Akira swinging her hands above her head in a wide, eye catching gesture. "I think we're being called back to the group."
Lilly sighs and leans against me, both of us cherishing the last few moments underneath the tree alone. "I guess we should get going."

We both stand, hand in hand and make our way back. Akira is grinning at us the whole way, watching us come closer. "Have fun, love birds?"
"Akira...."
She waves her sister off. "Bah, I'm just teasing. The two of you couldn't have gotten into too much trouble in the time you were gone. I just wanted you to know that we've caught plenty of fish and that you two need to justify your portion to Shizune after your little absence; I think she's planning on rationing it out and you two are going to be getting last picks."

We handle that little disaster and pile into the car. By the time we reach the Hakamichi house, empty and with Mr. Satou and Jigoro conspicuously absent, it is very late and, as predicated, everyone is very eager to have a good dinner together. Everyone begins to scatter to their own tasks, but I hang back, getting the fishing equipment out of the car and setting it back where it belongs. It seems silly to store your fishing poles in the living room, but that's where we got them from and Lilly did mention that Jigoro hates it when people put his stuff back in the wrong place; the last thing I want to do is piss him off. I already ruined my first impression with Mr. Satou, I do not need a man with a samurai sword being displeased with me, especially since I'm staying at his home without his invitation.

Lilly does most of the cooking, assisted by Misha and myself. Hideaki seems to know his way around a kitchen and, almost naturally and without provocation, he and his sister begin a duel to see who can de-bone the most fish in the least amount of time while still getting the best yield. Akira grabs a beer from the fridge, asks us to tell her when the food is ready and plops herself on a couch to watch some television. I envy her, but as the chaperon, she has the right I guess.

Dinner is fantastic. By the time we are finished, everyone has had more than their fair share and there is still plenty left over. "That was delicious," I say, my hand on my belly.
Akira picks some bits of food from her teeth with a splintered chopstick. "Yeah, that was great! Thanks for cooking Lilly."
"Hisao and Misha helped significantly."
"Cooking food is almost as much fun as eating it~!"
Akira winks at me. "Must be nice to have a boyfriend who's good at cooking. I wish my guy was half as skilled as Hisao, but the most complicated thing he makes is a noodle bowl."

Akira stretches herself back out onto the couch to take a nap and digest the meal. Misha, Shizune and Hideaki scrounge up a pack of cards and begin playing a game I don't recognize and Lilly and me content ourselves with a quite evening together. By the time I care to check my watch, finding it an alarmingly late hour, everyone seems very tired from the days exertions. Still, I get a little worried as neither Mr. Satou or Jigoro make an appearance. "It's pretty late and your dad isn't back yet. Where could they be?"

"I don't know; maybe they went into the woods to see who could wrestle a bear to the ground the longest or maybe swim across the ocean and punch a shark out," Akira muses bitterly, not bothering to open her eyes. "They'll show up eventually. Just appreciate the time without either of them stalking you."
"Akira..." Lilly chides.
"You know what I mean, Lilly." Akira spies her watch and her eyes bulge slightly. "Wow, it is late." Akira swings herself up out of her lounging position. "Okay, it's bedtime. Everyone not this tall," she says, holding her hand at about neck level, "needs to go to sleep."

Hideaki glares at her, but silently gets up, tosses his cards to the table and heads upstairs.

Though only directed at Hideaki, the thought of sleep seems to infect everyone in the room as Misha yawns widely.

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

She shuffles off, leaving Shizune to gather up all the chips they were using in their game, a gleeful look on her face at being the last woman standing.

"Hisao, are you tired? It's been a busy day, you should get some rest."
I shake my head, but can't control the yawn that breaks my response. "I guess I am, Lilly," I admit.
She gives an exhausted sigh. "Today was very hectic."
"Are you glad you decided to go fishing?"
Lilly smiles and nods. "Yes, I am glad."
"Happy we didn't just decide to buy fish from a store?"
She makes a gesture which in a normal person would be called 'rolling her eyes'. "Yes, it was an excellent idea," she assents.

I look over at Shizune who has looked up at us, confused as to where everyone is running off to. I make several hand gestures, one as if I was fishing, the next, patting a full stomach of food. Pointing to both me and Lilly, I smile broadly and give Shizune a thumbs up. She looks a little confused.
"Lilly, smile," I tell her.
"Whatever for?"
"I want Shizune to know we had fun today."
"Oh. Oh, well..."
Lilly smiles and Shizune notices our combined efforts. She grins and nods, getting the point. Then I put my hands under my head, sleeping, and Shizune waves me goodnight.

Lilly and I stand, but I hesitate. "I have no idea where the rooms are in this house."
"I can take you there."
Lilly and I leave the living room and I grab my bag and suitcase, Lilly offering to carry my rather light backpack, which I decline, telling her it's not heavy at all. "Have fun, you two," Akira calls at us with a sing-song voice from behind. Lilly shivers a little, but mostly ignores her sister's prodding.

Our combined efforts, Lilly telling me to take the first hallway on the left, up the stairs and down the hallway to the right, as well as me helping her to avoid any obstructing obstacles on the way, eventually leads us to a doorway. Lilly stops in front of it, hesitating.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
She takes both my hands into her own, necessitating me putting my backpack down. "I thought, well, I guess I should say something now rather than later."
She seems worried and it's troubling. "What is it?"
"Hisao, this is... my room."

The finality of that sinks in and disappoints me. "And I won't be sleeping here, will I?"
She turns her head down. "I wouldn't mind at all, but... this is my uncle's house and it seems inappropriate. With my father staying as well..." she says, mortified and trailing off.

I feel let down but what was I really expecting? Did I think Lilly and I would be able to carry on as we had at Yamaku without anyone being the wiser as to our actions in a house full of people, one of them being her father? I suddenly miss the lack of eyes and judgement Yamaku had for the two of us, but I try not to let my disappointment show; one of the things I wanted to get back more than anything else was falling asleep and waking up next to her.

"Lilly, it's fine. I can imagine the situation would be a little awkward with us sleeping in the same room. It's one thing spending the night in each others dorms, but I'm okay if you're not comfortable with it here." I try to be as sincere as I can, but I'm not sure I even buy my own words.

She smiles sadly and gives a sigh of relief, wrapping me into a tight hug. "Thank you for being so understanding."

I should have expected this after the talk with Akira I had about keeping her father from learning about me and Lilly being together. I guess it would be a little weird if he found out and I would rather not have him knowing that Lilly and I often shared a bed, let alone what we did while we were in it. "I'm a little disappointed, though. I had hoped we could go back to the way things were at Yamaku."
She touches my cheeks, cupping my face. "I know, I'm sorry. It's what I want as well." She strokes my face longingly. "I just... I want us...."

Lilly's breathing deepens, the lines around her eyes growing strained. Gripping me even tighter, she slowly pulls me into a kiss, twisting her fingers into my hair, gently but forcibly lowering me to meet her mouth. I eagerly accept and the two of us embrace and engage deeply. My hands take a little tour of her body while she makes tiny, rubbing motions against me, closing any space we may have left, pressing intimately against me. Her breath and smell have been things I've been away from for so long and I just want to drown myself in them. She needfully gasps between our many kisses, and for a moment, I wonder just how far this is going to go between us; there's no telling how long it will take either her uncle or father to get back. The longer they occupy each other with their badgering, the better as far as I'm concerned. I could always wake up early and duck into my room before morning.

Just as I'm about to think Lilly has changed her mind about us being in the same room and I try to fumble with the door handle, she suddenly pulls away, gently pushing against my chest, a little shake of denial to her head. "No. I... I can't. Hisao, I'm sorry. I can't."

Bitterness stabs through me but I try not to blame Lilly for it. It's not her fault. "It's... fine. I understand."

A tiny cough makes us both jump; Hideaki stands at the end of the hall in his pajamas. "Sorry."

I straighten my back, looking at pictures on the wall while Lilly arranges her skirt with shaking hands.

"Hisao, will you be staying in Lilly's room tonight?" The question is perfectly honest, no innuendo, no malice or suspicion within.
Lilly turns bright red nontheless.
"No," I tell him quickly, "I'll be in my own room if it's available."
Hideaki nods. "I'll be happy show you where you can sleep when you're ready. There's no rush, I can go away."

I thank him and turn back to Lilly, her cheeks still flushed. "Goodnight, Lilly."
She smiles, and touches my face, collecting herself. "Goodnight... Hisao."

Lilly quickly and breathlessly slips into her room, shutting the door behind her. I take my luggage and follow Hideaki. "I'm sorry for interrupting," he says.
"It's... fine. It's okay."
"Did you want to spend the night with Lilly?"
I scowl at him. "That's not a question a kid should be asking."
I immediately regret the way I say it. I shouldn't treat him like a child, he's not that much younger than I am. "Sorry. Yeah, yeah, I did."
"You're not because of her father?"
"Y-yeah, I guess."
He nods. "Okay."

Hideaki shows me to a room and lets me in. It's nice, pretty comparable to my room at Yamaku though much bigger. A dresser, a small table, bed and a desk, everything I could need.
Except Lilly, of course. "Thanks, Hideaki, I'll be good from here."
"Okay, Hisao. Goodnight."
"Night."

I go to the task of quickly laying some clothes out, my cheeks still flushed from kissing Lilly and the near miss between us. I either want to punch a wall in frustration or take a cold shower.
I lay my clothes out for tomorrow, put my pill bottles in a row on the desk to be taken the next day, prepare a bottle of emergency pills and set my alarm for early. I still need to keep up with jogging and it'll help take my mind off of bothersome topics. My running shoes go right next to my pills, a constant reminder to guilt me into action.

I turn back around and I'm surprised and slightly shocked to find Hideaki still standing in my doorway. It's unsettling and it startles me a little. "Hideaki, what is it?"
"Nothing. I was just curious."
He looks at me with an odd expression.
God, I hope he doesn't have a crush on me.
He peeks around me at my pills. "Are those for your heart?"
"Yeah, I guess they are."
"Do you really need to take so many?"
"Only if I want to keep breathing."
I finally notice what he's wearing to sleep, what looks to be a long, pink nightshirt.  "Why are you wearing that?" I say, out of both curiosity and a wish to change the subject.
"I sleep in this."
"Why do you sleep in something a twelve year old girl would sleep in?"
He looks slightly annoyed. "I am not a girl. It's just a large t-shirt."
"It look ridiculous."
"You look ridiculous. This is my house, I can sleep in whatever I want. What do you sleep in?"
"Pajama pants. If it's warm, boxers."
"Good luck being able to walk around the house in boxers. Only my father is allowed to do that."
"Well I don't care what he thinks. What does it matter what I wear to bed?"
"Why does it matter what I wear to bed? This is my house."
"I'm a guest!"
"You are the one who started this!"
"I just..."

I stop myself. I'm tired and angry, but Hideaki isn't the reason why. "Sorry. I shouldn't have started arguing with you."
Hideaki shrugs. "It's okay, I have a lot of practice." He tilts his head at me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just... tired."
He nods. "The bathroom is three doors to your right. Stay out of it between eight to ten, those are my father's time slots."
"Okay. Thank you, Hideaki."
He stares at me. "Is there something I can do to help?"
"I really don't think so. Thank you for offering."
He nods and begins to leave. I remember what Lily said, about Hideaki not having many friends. Only a short while ago, I was in the same position he's in, alone and by myself at Yamaku with no one to call a friend. Maybe it's like with Kenji; I just need a little patience and understanding, both things I've learned a lot about since meeting Lilly. "Hideaki?"
He turns back. "Yeah?"
"Thanks for catching all the fish, dinner was great. You did an excellent job."

He blinks as if he doesn't know how to accept the compliment. "I, um, okay. Thank you?"
He hesitates, slowly backs out of the room, shuts the door behind him and I hear him running off down the hall.

I change, climb into bed and stare at the ceiling. There's no light fixture, so I count the tiny bumps above me.
I think of Lilly, how close and how far apart we still are and I stew in my confusion.
Maybe I need that cold shower sooner than later.

2-8: http://pastebin.com/mSCVRuHU