One Sheep, Two Sheep

So... this is it, huh?

 

It was a harsh blizzard night tonight I wonder as I stand next the railway of a bridge hundreds of feet before the surface of deep blue. This is where I die.

 

Peering down over the railway made me feel nauseous for what was about to come, but I knew if I didn't do it now, I'd talk my way out of it.

 

I take a deep breath and lift my leg up on top of the rail with my hand holstering my weight up. Luckily there was no one nearby this dark, winter night.

 

"Anon, no!"

 

Who is that? I hear a faint voice within the harsh winds as the snow whirls around and limits the visibility of the area. I pause and squint in the distance as a figure appears through the haze.

 

"ANON, NO PLEASE!"

 

The voice of a girl... as she approached as each crunch in the snow grew louder and louder as her appearance was more visible. Wait this girl... I haven't seen her in forever. What is she doing here?

 

She came up to me with a huff and tackled me to the ground in one swift motion. I could hear her harsh breath and a low murmur coming out of her mouth.

 

"I... hah... finally got you before it's too late... Thank goodness..!"

 

She sunk her head into my torso and felt a subtle shake that somewhat startled me.

 

"Anon, why? Why would you do something like this? I-I..." she began to choke on her words. Her warmth pierces through the coat that I was wearing.

 

I took my arms and wrapped them around her to comfort her, but ended up getting comforted instead with an even tighter hug coming from her. I looked at her coat to see a buildup of snow that was greater than mine was.

 

"I guess it's impossible to jump at this point. Do you live near here? I can walk you back home if you want." I asked, noticing that she must've come a long way to come and see me.

 

She shook her head and stood up, extending an arm to help me up. Her eyes were slightly watery from her tears and her face was dark red from the cold.

 

"No… let’s go to your house, Anon. I can't let you be alone tonight... especially not after what you were planning on doing." She then pulls me out of the snow and dusts me off with a swipe.

 

Continuing to hold my hand, she walks me toward my house, which is about 30 minutes from here. We make our way down the street silently. Probably because the circumstances were too awkward to talk about.

 

However, I ended up breaking the silence.

 

"So... um. How did you know that I would be here? I mean I did send you a note... but I didn't think that anyone would find me, especially on a night like this."

 

She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face me and lifted her hand towards my cheek.

 

"We've known each other for a while now, right? It's been... uh let's see... ever since 4th grade and you're a junior in college so over 10 years, ha ha!"

 

She dodged my question, but her statement does take me back. Back then, we didn't have a care in the world. No obligations. No problems. No anxieties. Those times are long gone now though.

 

I feel a pinch as the skin of my cheek stretches out and the girl before me looks at me with deep concern.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to trigger anything-"

 

"Nah, it's alright." I cut her off with a wave of my hand. She seems to be genuinely concerned about me. I might as well enlighten her for the time being.

 

We finally approach the apartment complex that I lived in. They are pretty old, but it's better than nothing I suppose. It's close enough to the campus that I could easily take the bus to class if I needed.

 

I opened the door and lead her down the 1st floor hall to my room. I shuffle the keys around in my somewhat numb hands and crack open the door, taking my coat off in the process.

 

She walked in first and looked around in awe as close the door behind us. She took off her coat, revealing the short white hair that was beneath her hoodie as well as the horns that swirled out from the sides of her head as well as the floppy ears that perked at the new environment.

 

When she took the sleeves off, her arms were human-like compared to her legs, which were coated in white wool that ran down her legs but stopped at her hooves. She was a small sheep girl, however, she was actually older than me by a year.

 

"This might be weird to ask... but, how did you know where I live? I haven't seen you since high school, and even then, we didn't talk much at all."

 

It was kind of strange that she was able to lead us here without any trouble. Hell, I forgot about her until I sent my note out to a couple of people that I used to talk to so that they know that I ended my life... Oh wait... I'm going to have to get back to them on that, shit.

 

She looked away from me with a bit of redness in her face.

 

"Y-you know... even though we hardly talked much, I always wanted to get to know you more, but... you ended up shutting everyone out. I-I'm sorry I wasn't there for you back then. I should've realized it sooner!"

 

It's true. In high school, my "friends" eventually started meeting new people and drifted away from me. It wasn't that they didn't like me, I think, but it seemed like I didn't have anything going for me, so I decided. Screw it, if I'm alone, I only have to worry about myself and not having to entertain anyone anymore. It's been like that for years now, as I am now a junior in college without anyone. Maybe I shot myself in the foot? It's hard to tell.

 

“Never mind that,” I try to change the topic to prevent her for taking the blame, “what did you want to do here? I know that you’re worried and everything, but I’m fine now. It’s really nice to see you again. I actually haven’t talked to anyone in a long time, so having someone over is a little bit of a shock, you know?”

 

She giggles to herself, covering her mouth with her hand slightly causing me to notice how cute she was. She had a cute face and a small frame that just asked to be hugged… wait, what am I thinking? If I were to do that, it would be weird.

 

“It’s a shock to me too, Anon. This is my first time coming over to a guy’s house so I’m a little nervous, but I really wanted to come visit you after you sent the message. Actually, as a matter of fact, wait a second, Anon.”

 

She pulls out a touch screen phone from her pocket and taps to where she wants and starts reading, presumably my note.

What I wrote was pretty crude, but I feel like it was enough to explain my situation:

 

Dear Friends and Family,

    I’m sending out this message to inform you all that I find myself not enjoying life anymore. This may come across as complacent, but I honestly don’t enjoy the struggle of life anymore. The crushing loneliness, anxiety, and sadness I feel has remained with me for years despite all the advice I’ve been given. I guess what I’m trying to say is maybe I just wasn’t meant to be here on this Earth. I’m a waste of space and oxygen for the people around me because my lack of drive and passion for anything in life has diminished to extremely low levels that even leaving my house is a burden; in fact, I haven’t left my apartment in 3 or so months. I’m sorry for all the times you’ve heard me rant, but this will be my last one. If there is an afterlife, I’ll see you there, if not, then sweet dreams.

Sincerely,

Anon

 

She puts down her phone and begins to tremble. Her eyes were gleaming as her lip quivers when she slowly looked back up at me.

 

“A-a-non. I just have one question…”

 

The tears began to flow down her cheeks uncontrollably as her whimpers became more audible as she gasped for air.

 

“Why Anon? I would listen to you if you asked me to… Anytime, anywhere… I’m so sorry!”

 

She buries her face in her hands as the tears make her eyes a deep crimson. I take my arms and pull her in for a tight hug. I felt that was the only thing I could do to comfort her, but even then, I wasn’t sure if it was helping much.

 

She takes her arms and wraps it around my waist and presses her crying head into my shirt. I took my hand and patted her head slightly before pushing her away to look her in the eyes.

 

“Hey… maybe it was rash of me to do something like this. I feel bad that you came out her on a snowy night like this just to save my ass, heh. I should be the one saying sorry.”

 

She backs up slowly and gives me and light punch on my arm and wiping the leftover tears from her face.

 

“Anon, it’s no problem. That’s what I’m here for after all. We are friends, aren’t we?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” I respond realizing that the storm outside was getting ugly.

 

“So… uh, the storm is pretty bad. I’m not sure where you live, but I’m willing to take you ba-“

 

I end my sentence as she walks away towards the cabinets in my kitchen and looking through all my stuff. She takes out a box of pasta noodles and looks at me with a grin.

 

“Didn’t I tell you earlier that I couldn’t leave you alone tonight? What if you ended up changing your mind and actually k-killing yourself today… No… I can’t let them happen. Even if it’s just for today, let me stay and take care of you, okay?”

 

Her words shocked me. There was no way that I’d even imagine this girl coming over to my room, and let alone, start cooking for me. I’m not sure how to handle this, but I nod in compliance, which causes her to give a huge toothy grin that send a wave of warmth through me.

 

She poured the box of penne noodles into a pot with water and turned on the stove top to start heating up the pasta. She looks back at me momentarily.

 

“Um, I might not be the best cook, but I can do this much so I hope you enjoy it. You said that you were here for... 3 months? I hope you were eating alright. It must’ve been really lonely without talking to anyone for that long, but you don’t need to worry about that anymore.”

 

She smiles at me with reassurance as she opens my fridge and pulls out a couple of vegetables and a roll of sausage. She then takes a large kitchen knife and a cutting board out and starts slicing away. I kind of felt bad that she was doing all this for me, so I walked up next to the counter she was slicing the vegetables on.

 

“D-do you need any help? I mean, we never were close even in high school. I feel bad that you’re doing all this for me. You are a guest after all.”

 

She points the knife at me causing me to stagger away from her. With a sharp look and a smirk, I knew that bothering her anymore would be futile.

 

“Thanks for all this, Marie. I can’t thank you enough for this.”

 

Yes, Marie. That was her name. In high school, she was gentle and extremely reserved, but she would approach me when I was reading in the library from time to time. I would be reading manga and she would in the booth next to mine and would read one too. Thinking back on it, I probably should’ve asked her what she was reading. Maybe things would’ve been different?

 

I head over to my room and turn on my desktop and launch Steam and begin playing Mushihimesama to kill some time.

 

About 30 minutes passed, and I hear a knock on the door to my room, which was propped open. A little startled, I see Marie beckoning me to leave my room, which I promptly do.

 

As I take a step out of the room, the scent of the pasta was invigorating. My plate along with hers were laid out on the table in my kitchen. The penne was coated in the red marinara sauce that had chunks of green onions and minced garlic within its contents as well as the sausage slices that tickled my nose. The meal was simple, yet the fact that Marie cooked it made it appear more appealing than if I were to make it myself. My stomach growls in anticipation as I look at Marie with wonder. She simply nods and pulls a chair from beneath the table for me to sit in then sits across from me.

 

“It looks really good, Marie. Thanks again!”

 

I take a bite and the flavors of the sauce, vegetables, and sausage come together in a way that I’ve never thought that it would. My mouth salivates as I take another bite and enter into a state of pure relief.

 

“It’s really tasty Marie. I didn’t know you were so good at cooking… It’s so good! Hell, this might be the greatest pasta I’ve ever eaten!”

 

Her face turns a bright crimson as her ears perk up briefly.

 

“B-baa… I-uh… That’s good that you like it, Anon. I’m glad it turned out alright. There’s a lot more if you want it.”

 

Wait, what did she just do..? I can’t hold it in any longer!

 

“Pff..!”

 

She covers her face in embarrassment and hurriedly shovels down her food before I even get a chance to finish mines. She then looks away with a pout.

 

“A-anon, don’t laugh. I-I was just happy to h-hear those words from you. That’s all!”

 

I chuckled to myself as tears filled my eyes. I haven’t had a good laugh like this in a long time. It actually hurts my face and lungs, but it was alright because I felt a wave of relief in my chest. After I calmed down, I attempted to dig in for another scoop, but my fork was gone. Marie seemed to have taken it when I was laughing. Her face was still pouty, but it turned to a mischievous grin.

 

“Come on, Anon. Don’t make fun of me! As punishment, let me show you true humiliation. You’ll feel like a baby in no time!”

 

She moves her chair over towards mine and uses the fork to poke at my food with the food and lifts it towards me mouth.

 

“Now, say ‘Ah’ Anon! ‘Ah’!”

 

She brings the fork closer and closer to my mouth as I comply and bite down on the fork and swallow the food. Mm, it was nice getting this kind of thing. She continued to feed me as the light hearted joke became more of a sensual one. I looked up at her to notice that she was inching herself closer and closer to my face. Her bold, green eyes stared deeply into mine as we look at each other in silence. The blood rushes to my face as hers does as well. I never would’ve imagined doing this sort of thing with her, not in a million years.

 

“Um, A-anon… I-I just w-want you to know t-t-that you’re something really special to me. Even though the circumstances weren’t that great, I’m really glad that I actually got a chance to spend time with you like this. I was too shy to say anything and to be honest I regretted not talking to you more frequently in high school… and once we graduated, I cried and cried. I thought ‘was that it’? I didn’t know if I’d be able to see you again… but here we are. It’s like somehow, I was given a second chance, and I’m not going to let it go to waste so...”

 

She backs up to swallow briefly and leans forward suddenly. Our lips lock as the softness of hers entrances me. As she kissed me, her hand reaches up towards my cheek and caresses it and causes my mind to go blank. She finally pulls away and rests her forehead on my forehead.

 

“I’ve loved you for an extremely long time now! Anon, I’m sorry for not being here for you earlier, but I promise I’ll never leave your side if you’d just accept me into your life. Anon please, I want you in my life! You won’t have to worry about being isolated anymore because I am here for you.”

 

Now that I think about it, back in high school, I used to bump into her a lot. Our conversations were extremely short, but it did seem a little too coincidental. Have I been blind to this girl’s feeling this whole time? I kind of feel like an ass now, but I can make things right now.

 

“Marie, I’d like to take you up on that offer. Tonight, I may have been dead if it wasn’t for you, but I’m willing to take a step in the right direction to better my life. Hearing your feelings made me realize that I’m not alone in this world. As long as you are here, I feel like things can take a positive turn.”

 

She stands up from the chair she was sitting in and wrapped her arms around be head, burrowing me in the softness of her body.

“You don’t mind if I stay here tonight? Do you?”

 

I shook my head and told her, “I don’t know what you’re into, but let’s watch a movie or something.”

 

She nods quietly as I turn on the flat screen in the living room and start up my Blu-Ray player.

 

We both decided that it would be nice to watch an anime movie, so we decided to watch Garden of Words since the visuals were pretty nice.

 

It was getting late and thankfully the couch I had was large enough for two people to lay out on.

 

We were halfway through the movie before Marie started to slump on my body. She was trying her hardest to continue watching, but I guess it was too much at this time of night especially when laying right next to a heat source in this cold atmosphere.

 

I took a blanket that was next to the couch and wrapped us both in it. Marie leaned up quickly and planted a kiss on my cheek and leaned on my shoulder and wrapped her arm around my waist.

 

“I love you, Anon.”

 

I replied, “I love you too, Marie,” but it seemed like she passed out already.

 

I let out a yawn and noticed that I was getting sleepy too, but being next to Marie was sending my adrenaline through the roof, so to calm down I did what was best. Count sheep.  

 

Looking at Marie’s sleepy face, I began to imagine her jumping over a fence: One sheep… two sheep… three sheep… four s-.