[Intro: Announcer]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
DONALD TRUMP!
VERSUS!
EBENEZER SCROOGE!
BEGIN!

[Verse 1: Donald Trump]
Wake up, Scrooge! I'm about to take a Dickens of a dump
On this lonely, homely little miserable grump
I'm like the star on a Christmas tree, you're like the stump
I'm not known for my heart but you're still getting Trumped
You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini, cause you disgust me
Keep your TB from Tiny Timmy away from me, don't even touch me
I don't shake hands, I don't make fans
I ruin rappers faster than Scottish lands
Even Jay-Z knows what a pimp I am
I got my name on the front of the business, man!
My raps'll haunt you, make you think you're going insane
You're about to get whooped by three emcees of the ethereal plane
So when the clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain
Cause I'm out, I got my own fucking problems, call me 2 Chainz

[Verse 2: Ebenezer Scrooge]
How dare you disturb me when I'm napping in my chair
You're a crappy rap spitting apparition, I ain't scared
Of this random phantom, haunt all you want, I don't care
I do not believe in ghosts and I don't believe that hair

[Verse 3: J.P. Morgan]
Don't panic, Scrooge, but you're about to crash
I'm J.P. Morgan, the Ghost of Rich Dude's Past
Who's properly rocking the Monopoly mustache
Yo, I own the railroad, I run these tracks
You got dumped on a bench, now you're pissed at the world
You should have made like Sebastian, and kissed the girl
Because your greed is the curse that's gonna tear you apart
What good is your purse if you're poor in your heart?

[Verse 4: Ebenezer Scrooge]
Bah humbug! Your raps don't unnerve me, they're atrocious
What frightens me the most is your gross ghost proboscis
Business and success, that's the life I've selected
So enough with your pictures from the past, I'm not affected

[Verse 5: Kanye West]
Well you're about to be right now
I'm the ghost of what's right now
Just take a lesson from Yeezy
You missing the point, Ebenezy
There's more to life than your work, take it easy
Even I can make time for Azizy
Best put some friends on your wish list
Cause you don't know the spirit of Christmas
If you did than you would at this moment
Be sharing your money with some of the homeless

[Verse 6: Ebenezer Scrooge]
No! This isn't happening
Oh, this is maddening agony– wait!
Actually, harkening back to the dead Donald's lecture
I still am expecting a final specter!

[Verse 7: Death]
Boo! (Ahh!) You're gonna die
With no one to love you and no one to cry
Alone by yourself on the bed of your death
With the stench of regret on your last dying breath
Cause you've chosen the path of a selfish man
With Tiny Tim's innocent blood on your hands
The penance you pay for the way you behave
Is written as plain as the name on this grave

[Verse 8: Ebenezer Scrooge]
Are these the shadows of things that will be
Or things that may be, only
If I depart from my course can they change
Say it is thus with what you show me
I promise to mend my ways
A friend to all men is what I will become
It's Christmas! I haven't missed my chance to be different, God bless us every-