DR Fanfic Part One

	Something had drawn Ceridwen to The Cliche Tree on this cold December day. She couldn't tell what, and she had no idea why she'd gone alone, but something had told her it would be significant. That she'd receive some sort of... Sign. Maybe it would be someone else admitting their love! Or a new mentor to teach her wondrous things!
	Or... apparently, it would be a strange, winged, lizard woman with green scales, torn jeans, a leather jacket and sunglasses standing against the tree, smoking a cigarette and literally holding up a sign that read “Ceridwen”. That... that was okay too. It was, technically speaking, receiving a sign. Just... literally.
	The young, winged woman took one look at Ceridwen, then frowned and shook her head. “Holy shit, I'm already in for a load of trouble, aren't I?” She said, tossing her sign aside and cracking her knuckles. “Hey. You're Ceridwen, right? Dragon, right?”
	Ceridwen wasn't entirely sure who this mysterious woman was, but she nodded regardless. “Uh, yes? Who are you?” Ceridwen decided not to immediately ask for the woman's number, as even though she was completely rugged and hot, she didn't look like the sort of person who'd react well to immediate flirting.
	The lizard woman flicked up her glasses, revealing golden irises and slit pupils in her red eyes. “Name's Mammon. Princess of Greed, under the jurisdiction of his Sir Hades, Fifth Horseman and Son of Blah Blah Blah.” She said, waving her hand in the universal symbol for “etc. etc.”. “But that's not important.” She continued. “What is important is that I've been led to understand that you've been getting barely any training in how to be a proper Dragon.”
	Ceridwen's heart beat a bit faster. This woman was here to teach her to be a Dragon! She could hardly believe it! Now she'd have two mentors for that! It was a dream come true! “I... I guess not! Are you here to help me with that?”
	Mammon put a hand on her hip, looking over Ceridwen. “Well, yeah. But I can already see a few mistakes you're making, right off the bat.” Mammon stepped forward, brazenly prodding at the top of Ceridwen's chest. And not in the “erotic fondling” sense, in the “actually extremely painful poking with a sharp claw” sense. “What the fuck are these? You're a lizard, you don't lactate, why are you dragging these things around?!? You can't get 'em removed or anything?”
	Ceridwen stepped back, her tilde bar rising slightly and a blush spreading across her face. “H-hey! I'll have you know I'm fond of these! And my boyfriend likes them too!”
	Mammon raised a brow, seeming confused. “Boyfriend? Not concubine? Oh boy...” Mammon shook her head. “Okay, so, maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. The point is, I'm here to teach you about being a real Dragon. Gathering treasure! Traveling the world! Being the best you can really be!”
	Ceridwen supposed that perhaps this “Mammon” was simply unused to shapeshifters, and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. “Well... that does sound pretty nice, I suppose. You really can help me with this?”
	Mammon nodded, giving a toothy grin and dropping her cigarette into the snow. “Hell yeah I can. Come with me and I'll teach you more of this shit than anyone else could. It'll be awesome, promise.”
	Ceridwen didn't really have to think twice at the thought of learning more about being a dragon. “Sure! Sounds like it'll be fun!”
	Mammon clapped Ceridwen on the shoulder and guided her towards what seemed to be a convertible painted a bright, sparkling gold. “That's the spirit, kid. You 'n' me, we're gonna be great.” She said, opening the passenger side door for Ceridwen.
	Ceridwen sat down, noticing that the seats were remarkably soft and comfortable as Mammon got in on the other side, starting the car and going through what seemed to be a small stack of CDs in between the two seats. “You a Rocky Horror fan?” She asked, sliding in a CD depicting a large set of lips.
	“Am I a what?”
	“Too late.” Mammon replied, “Time Warp” beginning to blare loudly from the speakers as Mammon sped off.
	All things considered, Ceridwen was pretty sure she'd never had a more terrifying car ride in her entire life. Mammon held blatant disregard for other drivers, weaving between other cars and speeding like she didn't have even a second to spare. Ceridwen could barely tell the scenery apart, as it passed by in a blur of white. Eventually, though, she noticed that it had stopped snowing, and they were speeding through what seemed to be... a desert?
	Despite how fast they were going, the ride took a significant amount of time, during which Ceridwen was exposed to the entire Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack twice over. All in all, she supposed she would have enjoyed it more if she wasn't convinced she was going to die every five seconds.
	With a screech of tires and the scent of burning rubber, Mammon skidded to a halt in front of what seemed to be a large cave and stepped out of the car, stretching and taking a deep breath of hot, arid, brimstone-laced air. “Ah, lair sweet lair! Welcome to Casa Del Mammon, Ceridwen.” She said, gesturing for Ceridwen to follow her into the cave.
	Ceridwen took a moment to hold back a wave of nausea, and then did so... and promptly discovered what may have been the largest hoard of treasure she'd ever seen in her life. Piles and piles of coins and gems, magical treasures of unimaginable value, weapons and armor and accessories strewn about like they were barely of any importance. Mammon turned away from a particularly large pile of bars of platinum, and promptly flopped back onto it with a loud thud. “Aaaahhhh, fuck. It's good to be home.”
	Ceridwen was not entirely sure if she was actually seeing this. It seemed like something out of a storybook, or some stockbroker's wet dream, not... something you'd actually see in real life. The cave was so big that she couldn't see the end of it, and it seemed every inch was either filled with treasure or a path through the treasure.
	Mammon let out a content sigh, and glanced at the gawking Ceridwen. “Aw, cmon, kid. I'm sure you'll have a hoard like this some day, right? Just think of it like something to aspire to.”
	Ceridwen shook her head. “Uh, actually, I was planning on having a different kind of hoard...”
	Mammon smiled. “Ah, lemme guess, a Bookwyrm? Gonna get a bunch of Tomes of Forbidden Knowledge and just stack 'em up? I can admire that. Gets you a lot of Wizards, though, and those guys are a pain in the ass.”
	Ceridwen frowned. “Actually... I was planning on a Hoard of Romance.”
	Mammon went so quiet you could probably hear a pin drop... or, in this case, a gold coin clinking to the floor of the cavern. “...what? What the FUCK?” Mammon sprung to her feet, approaching Ceridwen with death in her eyes. “A ROMANCE hoard? Are you kidding me? Kid, no, no no...” She stopped, shaking her head.
	“What? I like it! It's like a record of my conquests!” Ceridwen replied, getting a bit indignant.
	“But... that's pointless! There's no material gain to it!” Mammon seemed genuinely confused and offended. “You can't sleep on a pile of romance!!! You can't spend Romance on new magical treasures! How do you decapitate a rival Great Wyrm with a Vorpal Romance?!?” Mammon stopped. “...my god, we've got a lot of work to do, you and me.”
	Ceridwen scowled and crossed her arms. “And why should I work with you?!? You've done nothing but insult me! How do I even know you really know anything about being a dragon to begin with?”
	Mammon frowned, then took a deep breath. “You know what, Ceri? You're right. I've been pretty rude. You're young, you don't know a lot about being a dragon just yet. That's fine. I'll try to be nicer.” Mammon grabbed Ceridwen by the hand and began dragging her through the piles of treasure. “Cmon, we'll start with something easy.”
	Ceridwen, damn her forgiving heart, decided to follow Mammon. Eventually, the two of them reached what seemed to be an immaculately carved training dummy, depicting a dashing young man holding a sword and generally looking both dashing and menacing.
	“Alright, let's start off simple.” Mammon began, standing beside the dummy and gesturing towards it. “This is an adventurer. One day, he stomps into your cave and claims he's going to take back his people's greatest treasure from your hoard. I want you to give your best reply.”
	Oh! Ceridwen could do this. This was easy. Her tilde meter was already kinda boosted from some... incidents, earlier today, she could do this no problem!
	Ceridwen stepped forward, tracing a finger down the carving's chest. “Why do you want that treasure?” She asked it, draping her arms around its neck. “When the real greatest treasure is right here?” She leaned forward to kiss the statue...
	And promptly had Mammon yelling in her ear. “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?” The other dragon shouted, looking like she'd just watched someone dance on her mother's grave.
	“I was dealing with the adventurer!” Ceridwen replied. Surely, no strapping young man could resist the charms of a big-breasted dragon! And Ceridwen wasn't about to go killing someone over material possessions!
	Mammon raised her finger like she was going to say something, but then stopped. “Okay. Okay, let's just...” she took another deep breath, then continued. “When Adventurers try to steal our stuff, Ceri? We kill them, and take their stuff from their dead body. Because if they're trying to hunt a dragon, they've probably got neat magical loot that we can add to our hoards once we smash their stupid skulls in.”
	“But... that seems cruel! He's just trying to get his people's treasure back!” Ceridwen replied, not quite understanding why Mammon would be so mean to an innocent person like that.
	“Yes, but by the laws of dragonkind, the moment you take something, it's yours. So it's not their treasure anymore. It's yours. I mean, didn't your parents at least teach you that?”
	“I never knew my parents.” Ceridwen replied, frowning.
	Mammon suddenly looked a lot more guilty. “Oh... geeze, really? No wonder... then they never taught you anything!” Mammon pounded her fist into her palm. “No wonder you don't know how this stuff goes! I bet you didn't even get to inherit anything from their hoards!”
	Ceridwen was pretty sure Mammon had taken exactly the wrong idea from this, but she wasn't about to go dissuading the obviously crazy dragon lady. “Uh, no?”
	Mammon nodded, and promptly disappeared into the piles of treasure... then came back holding a large, shiny, impossibly sharp-looking sword. “Here! A gift from me to you. An honest to god Blade of Glory. I've got like five of 'em.” She handed the sword to Ceridwen with an almost casual air. “We're gonna train you in this thing. And we're gonna go steal some treasure, and we're gonna get you started on your very own hoard.”
	“...what?” Ceridwen replied.
	“You heard me! You've never even had parents to train you in being a dragon! I'd started my hoard when I was 12, and you're 18 and you don't even know how to use a magic weapon! We've got a lot of work to do, you and me!” She smiled, and patted Ceridwen on the shoulder. “It's gonna be great. You'll be a natural, I can feel it.”
	Ceridwen felt like this was going to be more difficult than she'd expected.