Random sleep-deprivation-and-alcohol fueled musings:

It's kinda funny that something that was meant to help us clear up our thoughts a little bit has by this point only really managed to confuse me further. The main issue seems to be that, well, nothing seems to have fucking changed. We still talk about as much as before and about the same stuff as before. I'm pretty sure we feel about each other the same way we used to, as well. More drunken thinking leads me to the following potential reasons:

1. We were never really in a relationship to begin with.

Everything we've ever done together is perfectly consistent with us being REALLY good friends and not much more, especially by your definition of friendship. For me, one of the things that distinguishes a really good friendship from a romance is being in love with the other person. If that hasn't been the case, well shit. As much as it hurts to say it, that kind of relationship doesn't work - if you're not in love with me, you will eventually become frustrated. So if that's what it is, let's break it off now. Better than to delay the inevitable and waste our time. I know you love me and feel like you should fall in love with me because I'm nice, but that's not how it goes. I mean, if you're unsure whether you want to be in a relationship with me in the first place, I'm probably not perfect for you, ergo you should dump me.

or...

2. The real reason that nothing changed is that breaks are inherently flawed.

In a week, month, hell, a year, as long as we're calling it a break and there's the option of getting back together, it's impossible to truly find out what it could be like post-break-up. For instance, how awkward it would be for me to tell you that I've met someone new and tell you all about how awesome she is (like I would to any other friend, like I do to everyone about you), maybe invite you to hang out with us or something. Or the other way around. In contrast, what if the "what would Jovan think" constraint were completely gone, as opposed to "put on hold" (i.e. still there - remember the last time you tried to fuck someone when our relationship status was unclear)? Do I or do I not still refer to you as my girlfriend? How would it feel to say goodbye forever? Are we really going to stay best friends?  We can't really answer any of these questions following a break, no matter how long. Also, what if we're just spinning our wheels here because we're continuing our daily routine of talking to each other? Maybe an actual break would entail just living completely independent lives for a week or so, so as not to be even more confused? What if there's no way for you to figure out how you feel about me without seeing other people for comparison? It's not like there's a magic switch in your brain that will click and tell you "Yeah/no, he is/isn't the one". It doesn't look like a situation where you just need to think hard enough. Shit like that.

or...

3. I just don't know how to be on a break.

The very concept of a hiatus is foreign to me. If we set a deadline, I'm just gonna end up counting days until it's over and I find out the decision. And I'm an impatient fuck. I'm very well aware that this isn't about me, I just feel like sharing how I feel. I'm sure as hell not gonna act single, or say I'm single. What if after a week is up the answer is still "I don't know"?  I don't fucking know ;_; And that might be why nothing's really changed from my perspective - I still see you the same way.

I know this is confusing and doesn't help at all ;_; I just felt like venting and didn't have anyone else to open up to. Sorry I'm being a dummy, I just love you a lot, 'sall. Whatever your decision ends up being, I'll be happy to accept it.