(TF) Celestia and Luna pick on humans for fun 6 (A)

>"Okay move your hoof and let me see Shiner."
>you move the hoof you've been rubbing your cheek with away from your face
>"Doesn't look too bad, will probably go away by tomorrow. What in Celestia's name made you do that for Shiner? Are you out of your mind... wait don't answer that part."
"I don't know, it just sorta... came out?"
>Joe isn't buying it
>considering what you did why should he?
>can't remember what happened? here's a recap
>the two of you were following the secretary down the hall as the monster continued making obscene comments and gestures towards everyp0ny that trotted by
>he was really getting on your nerves
>so much so that you guess it was all he needed to take hold of your voice for a moment
>not sure how it happened, but you unknowingly opened your mouth and whispered to Joe "The things I would do to that flank mmhmmm *growl*"
>the secretary, of course, heard this and spun around with a look not even Nightmare Moon could resist
>opting not to respond she decided her hoof would talk for her
>she had to lift, had to! No way a gal who looks like her nearly sent you through a wall and doesn't lift
>oh boy, your stupidity didn't end there
"Oooh, feisty! I like em like that." you call back to her before waking up and realizing what the buck you were saying
>your horror seemed more than enough for the pugilist mare as she turned her snout up and walked away
1/4

>how could you have even said that?
>you've got enough trouble as is without adding a "one night stand that will no doubt end badly" to the list
>seriously, as soon as she found out about the monster you'd be left holding the bag... probably even literally
>Joe is still mad at you by the way
"Look, I'm sorry alright? I honestly don't know how or why I said that. I thought it was that freak since he's been doing nothing -but- hit on all the mares since we got here."
>"I'm willing to believe you, the thing is you verbally harassed a castle employee. You could get in serious trouble for that, not to mention we could've been locked up and you'd never get a hold of that specialist."
>Joe sighs before patting your back with a hoof
>"We'll get through this buddy, just try to avoid putting words to your thoughts again."
>you force another weak smile and nod
"I'll try, but I guess I just lost control listening to that foal go on and on. I just about exploded at an imaginary beast and instead of shouting at nothing I said one of the things he was."
>you shiver inwardly, that monster managed to voice his interest in another mare
>how long would it be before he does it again
>looking at the culprit you can see he has the biggest grin you've ever seen
>he'll get his soon enough Shiner, just keep it together
>keep what together? You're seriously stressed out enough he can make you harass other ponies
>not once has Joe given any indication that he's about to bail on you
>he really likes your business
2/4

>the two of you finally enter the office of the pony who is going to help you find... somep0ny else
>it really sounds absurdly complicated doesn't it?
>taking your seats the unicorn finally looks up at the both of you
>figures it would be a unicorn
>aside from the snobbish ones you aren't too sure you know why you don't like unicorns that much
>matter of fact you've only really begun feeling this way since
>him
>despite wanting to plow everyp0ny in sight he must have some sort of hatred for unicorns
>or wouldn't that just be a subconscious bit on your part
>horseapples! He's the one common thread to each of your problems
>your memories are proof that you didn't have some of these feelings before that day in the field
>what happened that day?
>better not think any more on it, Joe just hit you again upside the head
>"Shiner pay attention, you're spacing out way too much now. This guy wants to know what we're here for now speak up."
>there's something else to blame on the monster
3/4

"Oh... sorry. I've just got a lot on my mind lately. Too much in fact." you say giving a slight chuckle at the end
>ignoring the monster shouting obscenities out the window to Celestia-knows-who you continue
"I'm looking for a certain pony who would be able to help me with a problem I'm having. For the past 4 days I've been having nightmares and delusions regarding a strange and utterly psychotic bipedal creature."
>you've got the monster's attention now, he's looking at you much the same the other two are
"What I need is to find somep0ony who specializes in that kind of stuff so I can get rid of this hallucination once and for all. It's interfering with my work and I think I'm about to lose it."
>"Well that really narrows it down some son, let me check some of our records and see if we can't find just the pony you need. It says here you're Canterlot's number 1 window washer, can't have you out of action can we?" the office worker says going over stacks of papers
>this could take some time so you turn to Joe and give him a certain look
>a look that basically let him know you're sorry for being so much trouble this far
>the brilliant mother bucker actually picks up on it
>he smiles understandingly back at you
>"If I didn't care Shiner I wouldn't have knocked some sense in you with my hoof." he whispers before donning a grin
>reciprocating his look you feel really warm on the inside
>your face falls when you look towards the monster though
>he's currently rubbing his flank in the office workers face asking him how much he loves "monkey booty"
"For the love of Celestia would you cut it out for once you... you damned dirty ape!"
4/4