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FluffandCrunch

Snapshots (Lilly Update, 2-7, Happy Birthday, Lilly))

Jan 4th, 2014
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  1. There's an energy in the halls that I can feel in the air and see on the faces of every student who passes me by. They're all in groups and there's an excited tone to their conversations, some animated, some a little sad, all a little happy. I see two girls from my class hugging each other and crying, a small gang of male students looking out a window together in total silence, a few more responsible students carrying boxes and school supplies with teachers leading them to storage areas for the long break. It was a normal sight before any vacation at Yamaku, one I've gotten used to seeing, but this time was different, this time it felt strange. Unlike our normal school breaks, some of us wouldn't be coming back after this one.
  2.  
  3. Graduation was here. The trees were blossoming just as our time at Yamaku was coming to a close. It was hard to believe, but it's been less than a year since I came to this 'cripple wonderland' and it's already time for me to go, one of the disadvantages of transferring in so late in the high school term. Soon I would be moving out of the dorms and going on to university, leaving this place behind after such a short but eventful period.
  4.  
  5. It's strange, I've been here for such a brief amount of time, but it's defined my life so much more than what came before. After my accident and arrival at Yamaku, it felt like my whole life had been lost, everything leading up to that point gone forever, my whole world shattered. Now though, as thoughts of leaving the place I once thought of as a prison fill my mind, I start to feel nostalgic, my memory calling up sights and experiences, not from my life before Yamaku, but only from my time here. I may have learned an insignificant measure of my education and spent a very short time of my life here, but it eclipses everything, drowning out my memories of before. When I think of my friends, I think of the people I know here, not from my old school. When I think of my teachers and classes, they're from Yamaku, not elsewhere. Such an momentary stop in my life overshadows everything that came before.
  6.  
  7. I wonder what my old friends are doing? I wonder what Iwanako is doing? I guess I may find out when I return home, but I'm not sure if I want to reconnect to that old life and world and I find myself preoccupied by what's going to happen to the friends I have now, not the ones I left behind so long ago.
  8.  
  9. I even thought of putting together a list of people I want to make sure I say goodbye too, but I wasn't sure if I should do it in order from most important to least, but that seemed a little rude, like I wouldn't miss some people as much as I would others. I'll miss everyone in a special way, but I can't think of anyone who I put a lesser priority on. Even Kenji settled somewhere in the middle of the mental list I put off and put off making until it was too late. Now the final days are here and I'm trying to think of a way to do everything at the last minute, things I should have settled a while ago. It's all just too much, too much importance to do in a prepared and logical manner. It needs to be done, but by doing it, I'll finally accept that my time here at Yamaku is finally at an end.
  10.  
  11. Such a short time, but it demands so much attention.
  12.  
  13. I heft the bag on my shoulder again to keep it from cutting into my skin, walking down the hall towards the library. I've been putting this off for a while, but I need to get it done before the end of school looms any closer. Inside the bag are several weighty armfuls of books I've been meaning to return to the library but have never gotten around to doing so. It's a silly thing, but I would hate for a bad case of overdue library books to turn into a manhunt if I left with a bunch of them tucked into one of my bags. It's a small thing, but I don't want to be a thief, even a petty one and I've given Yuuko enough headaches this year while she tries to either chase me down on my due fees or force her to put on her 'tough girl' act and feebly plead for me to return my books on time more often. One time she even threatened to bar me from the library, but when I asked if she would really do something as harsh as that, she apologized and said she didn't have the authority or the will to be so mean. Still, I want to leave Yamaku with a clean slate and returning these book gathering dust in my room is just one part of the process that I, and many people, have to go through before graduating.
  14.  
  15. There are a few people milling about in the library and many of them seem to have the same idea I do, returning errant volumes before years end. In front of a huge stack of books piled in the return bin, Yuuko look only slightly frantic as she goes through each one, makes a note on her computer and passes them off. Her strangely calm demeanor seems to be due to her having help for the first time I've ever seen, Nurse taking care of the filing as he sets book in order on a nearby cart for later transportation to the stacks.
  16.  
  17. My entrance draws Yuuko's attention and she smiles when she sees me, but it turns into a slightly terrified tremble in her lips when she notices the large bag I'm laboring to carry in. Nurse likewise seems pleased at first, but his reaction is more good natured, his cheeky grin supplemented with a chuckle. “Are you going into the used book business, Hisao?”
  18.  
  19. I groan as I lift the bag onto the desk and set it down with a muffled slam and I take a moment to catch my breath. Light jogging is one thing I've started to do to help my health, but lugging around a pile of books is something else entirely. I chalk my difficulty up to a heavy burden, not anything related to my heart. “No, just returning some books I had laying around.”
  20.  
  21. Yuuko sighs, peeking over the top of the mound I laid in front of her. “Why do people always wait so long to return all of these? A lot of students had that idea. I don't know what I would do if Nurse wasn't here.“
  22.  
  23. He grins, opening a book, checking it's first page and slipping it into an empty spot on the wheeled rack. “Happy to help, Yuuko.”
  24. “Don't you have things to take care of before school lets out?“
  25. He shrugs at me, helping himself to some of the books I brought. “I have people who handle that for me and I personally took care of all my problem cases beforehand so I wouldn't get swamped.“ He eyes me over the open book. ”That is all but one of them.“
  26.  
  27. I rub my neck bashfully. “Yeah, I do need to stop by, don't I?”
  28. “With the amount of medication students leave with me at the end of every year, I might as well be the one to go into business for myself, Hisao. I would hate to have to mail you your life saving medicine and your records during my break. You're not trying to disrupt my carefully planned vacation, are you?“
  29. “No, no, I promise, I'll pick my stuff up in the next couple days. I'll need to get it to my new doctor when I go home, I guess.“
  30. “Is everything settled for you on that issue?”
  31. “Yeah, my parents already have a guy lined up nearby, though I admit I won't be happy dealing with doctors again.“
  32. Nurse grins widely. “And what am I supposed to be?”
  33. “You're not a doctor, you're a friend. ”
  34. “Well, thank you for saying so, Mr. Nakai. The feeling is mutual.”
  35. “So what are you doing here?”
  36.  
  37. Nurse takes a book from Yuuko who has continued to plow through her pile at hand and add my books to it. “I had nothing to do, so I came down to see if I could help. Yuuko always seems to have her hands full before every vacation, so I lend a little assistance whenever I'm able. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.“
  38. Yuuko sighs with an exasperated smile. “Thank you, again, Nurse. I don't know what I would do.“
  39. “Drown in a sea of backlogs and overdue fines?“ He waves her off. “Happy to help.”
  40.  
  41. “Is there anything I could do? I don't have anything right now I need to get done, I could give you a hand.“
  42. Yuuko looks around at the book piles stacked around her. “I don't think so. Do you know how to put the books back on the shelves properly.“
  43. I admit, I do not.
  44.  
  45. She seems slightly disappointed, but apologizes quickly so I don't feel bad about my lack of knowledge. “It's okay. There's no reason you should help, it's my job, I should get it done myself. I work here, you're a student. Well, at least for a little while longer, but that isn't reason you should do what I have to. I just have so much to do, I wanted to get a few things done before everyone left, but I don't know if I'll have time before everyone leaves....“
  46.  
  47. She seems upset by the thought. “Is it something I can help with?” I goad her on.
  48. Yuuko seems put out, halfway between not wanting to burden me with her request and desperate for a little assistance. Eventually her desperation seems to win out, because she ducks under the library counter and fishes something out of her purse, handing it to me after narrowly avoiding smacking her head on the underside of the counter.
  49.  
  50. She's gotten practice.
  51.  
  52. I hold the object up in my hands, a tiny, shiny little camera, kind of a nice one. “What do you want me to do with this?”
  53. Yuuko smiles. “I want you to take some pictures, of course. I wanted to get some of everyone, but I'm afraid I may not have the time with all the extra work I have to get done. I wanted to have something to remember everyone by for when I leave.“
  54.  
  55. I'm fiddling with the camera to try and find out how it works, every camera seems to be different, you'd think that the people who make them could come up with some sort of common manual or process but the little buttons are always in different places. Yuuko's words of 'leaving' catches my attention. “So you're taking a break too?”
  56. Yuuko shrugs. “Not exactly. I won't be coming back to Yamaku.”
  57.  
  58. I'm a little surprised, and strangely, a little hurt. “You aren't? Did you get fired?”
  59. Yuuko tries not to laugh, but it's a nervous tittering, like you laugh when you get uncomfortable news. “No, not at all! I actually quit! Its the first time in my life that I was the one who make that choice, I usually get fired from all of my jobs. No, I've decided to leave.“
  60.  
  61. “But how come?”
  62. I'm left in a bit of wonderment as to why the thought of Yuuko leaving Yamaku hurts me so much. Maybe it's because of the thought that when I was gone, there would still be some resemblance here of my time spent at the school, that the place and people here would go on without me, ironically, like a snapshot that will never change or grow old. The thought of someone like Yuuko, who I consider to be an institution of Yamaku, moving on, gives me an uncomfortable glimpse at a simple fact of life; things change. I guess I want everyone and everything to stay the same even though I'll be moving on. It's unfair and childish to think that everyone needs to keep being what they are even while I move on with my life, but it's a comforting thought that even though we continue, the things we left behind us will always be there like a safety net, waiting for our return.
  63.  
  64. “It's time,” Yuuko says, her hands clasped in front of her, “I'm ready. I've worked enough and saved up some money. I'll keep working at the Shanghai and my other jobs just a little while, but with the amount I saved and the credit I got working at the school, I can keep working on my university courses more and spend less time working just to pay for them. At this rate I hope I can graduate before I'm thirty.“
  65.  
  66. Come to think of it, I never did get down Yuuko's exact age, but I shouldn't ask her now. That's the sort of thing you don't ask ladies and I'd look pretty foolish asking her at this point of all times when we've known each other for so long. “I'm sorry to see you go, Yuuko. I thought us students were the only ones to move on.“
  67.  
  68. “Well, I'm still a student, too, just not at Yamaku. But its what I've been working towards, so it would be such a waste to stop now. I mean, after all that hard work, I finally accomplish what I set out to do, so stopping now would be silly, right? I admit, I'm a little scared, but it'll be worth it. The hard part is over.“ She seems to whither slightly. ”I hope.“
  69.  
  70. “Well, I for one am going to miss you, Yuuko.” Nurse says. “After everything you've done here, the faculty will feel a little more empty without you.“
  71.  
  72. I can see Yuuko visibly sweat. “Well, I never really officially worked here, I was just an intern! I didn't do anything really important like teach or help students like you do!“
  73.  
  74. “That's not true,” I say to her, “you helped me a lot more than you think. When I had a problem and needed some advice, you always seemed to show up with a word of encouragement or a little pick me up. You did a lot more for me than just check out my books or get me drinks, Yuuko.“
  75.  
  76. She seems shocked by my words, like it had never occurred to her that anything she had ever said had any importance whatsoever or that I had even been listening. That she helped in any way beyond being just a librarian or waitress seems to surprise her. “Really? I did?”
  77.  
  78. “You sure did. I don't know what I would have done without your help. If you did half of what you did for me for any other students, the saddest thing about you leaving Yamaku will be that the students next year won't get to meet you.“
  79.  
  80. Yuuko stares at me for a second, mouth slightly open in wonder.
  81. She grimaces.
  82. And now she's crying, big crocodile tears welling up in her green eyes as she stares at me like a wounded puppy.
  83.  
  84. “Yuuko, please don't cry.”
  85. “I'm sorry! It's just that no one's ever said anything like that to me before!“ She covers her face with a book and sniffles while hiding. “I'm sorry, I just, that's so nice! I didn't think I helped anyone out at all! I always thought I was just a big screw up and got in everyone's way!“
  86.  
  87. I reach over and pat her hand while Nurse does the same to her shoulder. Yuuko snuffles a little bit more before wiping her eyes with a tissue handed to her by Nurse from the desk, regaining her composure. “I can't think of the last time anyone thanked me for just doing my job,“ she sobs between sniffles.
  88. “Well, it's not that you just did your job, Yuuko. You may work here, but just like Nurse, you became a friend while I was here. I'm really going to miss you.“
  89.  
  90. Yuuko starts crying again.
  91.  
  92. She drops her book shield and reaches across the counter, surprising me with a small but alarmingly ardent hug. “Oh, Hisao, I'm going to miss you too! You were always so nice and you never yelled at me when I screwed up your orders or brought you the wrong food! You always left me nice tips and that really helped and you brought a lot of people to the Shanghai and that helped too, it was busy, but that's good because it kept my boss from yelling at me when business was slow and you were always so well behaved in the library even though you were always a little loud, but that's all right because you always put the book back where they belong and didn't just leave them on the table which made my job easy! You were polite and nice and you were my favorite but please don't tell anyone I said that because I don't want them to get jealous and I'm going to miss you and everyone here and I don't really want to go but I have to!“
  93.  
  94. I'm a little shocked by her sudden outpouring, I didn't think Yuuko was capable of such a show. I always thought if she ever got a hug from someone she would shatter like glass, but here she is grabbing my shoulders and crying about leaving Yamaku and saying she'll miss me. It makes me happy that two people who had so little to do with each other on a day to day basis could have meant so much just by little conversations and friendly greetings. I guess Yuuko wasn't the only one who didn't realize just how important the little things can be to a person. Even a little politeness or a tip bigger than usual can mean the world to someone and you'd never know it.
  95.  
  96. I give her back the hug she shares with me before she leans back over the counter, smiling through her tears. “I'm really glad I got to meet you, Hisao. I hope you do well with whatever it is you decide to do.“
  97. “Same to you, Yuuko. Good luck in school and everything.“
  98. Nurse, who has been watching with a grin the whole time, leans on the counter next to the two of us. “So what are your plans for University?”
  99.  
  100. Me and Yuuko fumble about who goes first, but I eventually convince her that she can go. “Well, I saved up enough for my classes. I'm studying classical history, so I hope I can visit Europe one day and get some hands on experience. Working at Yamaku went a long way for that and I hope my grades are enough that I'll get chosen for a research project of some kind.“
  101.  
  102. “That sounds great, Yuuko. Good luck on that, I hope it works out for you.” He turns towards me. “Hisao? How about you?”
  103. I sigh, bracing myself. “Well, I'm heading home for a while. I'll probably get a job if only to have something to do before I start University. I have a few schools I hope to get into and I've done pretty well on the practice entrance exams. I should get some financial assistance from that and I've already filed in the paper work for a few scholarships from Yamaku, so I've got my finger's crossed.“
  104. “Hey, you want me to grease the wheels of bureaucracy for you, Hisao?“
  105. “I won't say no, since I could really use the money, but I wouldn't expect that, Nurse. I just hope my grades are enough.“ I smirk and tap my chest. ”Funny. This thing here kept trying to kill me, now it's the reason I'll be able to afford a new life.“
  106.  
  107. Nurse grins widely, a knowing look to it. “Well, you've done a good job keeping yourself healthy. Sure, you nearly killed yourself a few times and there were more than a few times I was pulling my hair out of my skull over you, but you eventually got it through your thick skull. You'll do good, Hisao, I'm sure of it.“
  108. “Thank you, Nurse. And thank you for everything you've done for me.“
  109. He gives an easy shrug. “Just doing my job.”
  110.  
  111. I pat the camera Yuuko gave me, reminding myself of it's presence. “So, Yuuko, about the camera, what would you like pictures of?“
  112.  
  113. She crosses her arms in front of her, smiling. “Isn't it obvious? Everything. I wanted to go around and take pictures of everyone I could, all the people I know so I would remember them while I was saying my farewells. I'll get around to it, but if you helped, that would be a big weight off my shoulders.“
  114. “Seems like a simple thing to have to do.”
  115. “Yes, but try and make them good pictures, they're going in the yearbook. The student council uses a lot of my pictures for official school papers and I wanted to make sure that these were the best ever.“
  116. “Shizune and Misha? I guess I'm going to have to see them about this as well.“ A sudden thought makes me feel rather depressed. ”Oh, man.“
  117. “What's wrong?”
  118. I shrug despondently. “It's nothing, it's just... well, since I technically am now helping put together the yearbook, I guess Shizune and Misha finally got me into the student council.“
  119. Nurse gives me a playful shove to the shoulder. “They'd get you one way or another.”
  120.  
  121. Yuuko gives me a box, diverting her head at the last minute to avoid her desk. “Thank you very much, Hisao. I'm counting on you.”
  122. “No problem, Yuuko. I won't let you down.”
  123.  
  124. I put the camera around my neck and hold it up to my eye. “Might as well get started right now.”
  125. I aim the camera at Yuuko and Nurse.
  126. Flash.
  127.  
  128. ----------------------------------------
  129.  
  130. The schoolyard is pretty busy, everyone in a flurry of action and excitement. Younger students eager for their vacation, older students readying themselves for their first step into the real world. Some of them have paired off, the senior students giving last minute guidance to their younger counterparts, handing off the honor of responsibility to the next generation whether it be for a club, class politics or just someone saying goodbye to a person who was like a younger sibling to them. I never really interacted with the younger students or those in lower grades than I did, but I do take notice of them now, silently hoping and rooting them on for their next year when they walk in the same shoes I am. Some of them will be in class 3-3, even sitting at the desk which has become so familiar, so in a way they will be walking in my footsteps, so I wish them luck in that. Maybe they'll do better than I did and I hope that they do.
  131.  
  132. Plowing through a crowd, bumping into people with little apology, Kenji makes an uncanny bee line towards me.
  133.  
  134. He lifts his hand in the air in greeting. “Hey, dude. How's it going?”
  135. I stop, thinking it best to get this out of the way. “Hey, Kenji. How'd you know it was me?”
  136. “When you wear that vest you look like a big, blue splotch, like something out of the cafeteria, except you walk around instead of lay on my plate, it's unmistakable. Besides, I would know your presence even if I was completely blind. You're about the only person in this god forsaken hell hole I would want to see.“
  137. “How come?”
  138. “Isn't it obvious? You're the only one here who actually has an idea of what things are like. Except me, of course. I had to show you the light, but you caught on eventually. You were a good student.“
  139.  
  140. The thought makes me shudder. “What's up with you?”
  141. “Nothing, what's up with you?”
  142. “Nothing, you're just being really weird.”
  143. “I'm not being weird, I'm being nostalgic! I'm on the precipice of victory, have some appreciation for my accomplishment!“
  144.  
  145. Kenji and I head off down the quad side by side, I walking on the cherry blossom strewn cement path, he wobbling back and forth on the grass. Kenji and I have been roommates since I came to Yamaku and I guess it was only natural that at some point something like a friendship would start. I don't have too many guys I hang out with and it is nice to have someone to talk to now and then even if he is a little crazy. The last few months of school, he and I have been hanging out more, even gone to the roof a few times at night where he would sneak up some alcohol we would share. I think of us as friends and I think he does too, which is a nice change of pace from how things used to be. Once I got over his strange temperament and obnoxious habits, which seem rather minor now, Kenji turned out to be a good guy and I know I'm going to miss him when school is over. “Victory? You mean graduation?”
  146.  
  147. Kenji waves me off. “What, that? No way, like that matters. High school is just a holding tank to squeeze the last life out of young men in this world. The education system is totally geared towards the destruction of man and an attempt to turn him into a docile servant of the ruling caste. Men used to learn outdoors, in the woods. We didn't need science or biology or home economics, we had woodsman skills! The only thing you needed to learn was how to survive! Now they force men like us to sit at desks all day like good little children and absorb their dry, feminist propaganda like obedient primates.“
  148. “So you're not going to miss Yamaku at all? Not even a little bit?“
  149. “None whatsoever! This place is too far gone, it's a lost cause. I thought maybe I could do some good in my time here, but it's no use. You're the only one who ever listened, the rest of these dim witted slaves of femininity are a lost cause. At the very least I was able to save your soul from damnation.“
  150. “Oh, yeah, thank you. I owe you one.”
  151. “It's cool. I probably owe you a lot of money, so we'll call it even.“
  152. “I'd rather have the money.”
  153. “Holding me to a debt? What kind of friend are you?”
  154. “One who has tolerated you for almost a year.”
  155.  
  156. He makes a rude sound and waves me off again.
  157.  
  158. We pass a group of giggling girls on the path. I step out of their way while Kenji almost dives for a bush. “They act like they own the place,” he whines after they pass.
  159. “They're second years, technically they do.”
  160. “After everything I've done for this place, they had better build a statue in my honor! It's the least I deserve.“
  161. “Think they'll have a ceremony?”
  162. “Yeah, with fireworks spelling my name out among the stars. And magicians.“
  163. “That sounds like fun, I wouldn't miss it.”
  164. “I won't attend, of course, you'll have to accept the award in my absence. I'll be too busy with my future plans.“
  165. “And what exactly would those be?”
  166.  
  167. Kenji rubs his chin thoughtfully for a moment. “I guess I can share it with you, it couldn't hurt and I trust that you can stand up under interrogation.“ Kenji leans in close, so close I can smell his breath. “I'm going undercover.”
  168. “What do you mean?”
  169. “Answer me this; what is the biggest, most powerful bastion of feminism in the world today?“
  170. “Flea markets?”
  171. “No! Higher education! Those holier than thou professors love inflicting bright young men with gender guilt! Convincing them they should feel bad just because they're male! Even worse, it's not just the female professors, it's the males too! Traitors! They fill your head with the idea that men owe women for years of subservience and domination! If women were held back in previous ages, it was only because men back understood back then how dangerous women would be if they gained power over us! You don't apologize to a prisoner after they serve their sentence and you don't apologize for keeping the world safe against the feminist agenda! They've infiltrated every strata of society, especially education, convincing men to feel guilty over their masculinity and recruiting our normal, decent women into their vile plans! Its time we put a stop to it!“
  172.  
  173. I lean back to give myself some room from his rant. “So what are you going to do?”
  174. He gets really quite, his glasses flashing back and forth on the lookout. He cups his hand over his mouth and whispers so low, I can barely hear him.
  175. “What? I can't hear you,” I say.
  176. “I said I'm going inside! I'm going to university!”
  177.  
  178. I give him a steady glare. “So you're big secret plan is to do the exact thing everyone expects you to do?“
  179. “Exactly! See? Even you sound surprised! Yep, I'm going to school! I'll hit them right where it hurts, take the fight to them! I'm not hiding anymore, I'm going on the grid! I'll fight back before they can poison innocent men with their gobbledegook and give them a fighting chance to be real men like me! You should be honored, you're the one who gave me the idea!“
  180. “I did?”
  181. “Yeah! You keep babbling about becoming a science teacher, so you're going to be entrusted with young, innocent and impressionable minds! You need to save them when they're young! When I first met you, I thought you were too old to begin the training, but somehow you pulled through. Despte your interaction with them, you've held out longer than I ever expected you to against the feminists! You seem strangely immune to their charms. I thought you were gay or something, but when you got a girlfriend, I realized that you were immune to their power. You might be The One.“
  182.  
  183. “O-okay.”
  184. “Don't thank me. You don't need to.”
  185.  
  186. Kenji turns to face the sun, his glasses glowing in the light. “I know what I have to do now. I have to take the fight to them. I may be half blind, but it's you who opened my eyes, Hisao. I can't stay locked up in my room, shunning my fellow man. I have to reach out to them, save them, lift them with my own hands! One day I will look back and realize that meeting you was my destiny!“
  187.  
  188. Kenji has gotten so loud, some people have begun to stare before quickly shuffling away with their eyes turned away from us. “That's great, Kenji. I'm glad I met you too.”
  189.  
  190. He adjusts his glasses, blinking his eyes from the sun dazzling them. “You are?”
  191. “Yeah. I mean, at first you were annoying as hell.”
  192. “Dude!”
  193. “But! Later on when I wasn't such a jerk and actually paid attention, I realized that you were just a little strange.“
  194. “Yeah, you were kind of a jerk when you first came to school.“ Kenji rubs the back of his head. ”I guess I should say this, but I have to confess something. When you first moved into the dorms, I kind of filed a bunch of complaints against you.“
  195. “What?”
  196. “Yeah, I filled in a bunch of paperwork about how annoying you were and how you were really messing with my school work.“
  197. “I was annoying? What are you talking about?”
  198. “You know exactly what I'm talking about! Whenever we chatted, you were always such a dick to me. I'd ask for a little money and you'd give me the third degree, I'd stop to give you a pleasant chat in the hallways and you seemed to want nothing more than to get away or interrupt me. You were a jerk at the start, dude, I could barely tolerate your arrogance! Not to mention that sometimes you were just plain weird!“
  199.  
  200. “I was the jerk? What about you? You constantly barged in on me in the shower, woke me up in the middle of the night with your stupid 'bed checks', you were always borrowing my thing without asking and not returning them, or worse, returning them broken! Not too mention you constantly harassed me in the hallway. Half the time I was late for class was because you ambushed me with some moronic rant about feminists! Do you know how hard that is to explain to my teacher? I dreaded leaving my dorm for fear of meeting you!“
  201.  
  202. “How do you think I felt? I had to give up my nice private shower and two room suite when you moved in!“
  203. “Two rooms?”
  204. “Yeah, I used your room for overflow storage before you showed up. The school made me take everything out when you showed up. It was a pain, so you're not the only one who has suffered, you jerk!“
  205.  
  206. We glare at each other for a while, Kenji missing eye contact, before he breaks the silence. “Damn, I'm going to miss you.”
  207. “I'll miss you too, Kenji.”
  208.  
  209. We both start walking again, side by side. “So what are you going to university for,” I ask.
  210. “It's a secret. I think I will devote myself to studying the enemy. I've been finding weird connections between supernatural activity and feminist manipulation of the media, so I might look into that as well. Might write a book about it. If your science teacher gamble thing doesn't work, look me up, we could work together.“
  211. “Chasing aliens and ghosts with you? That sounds interesting, I guess. I hope it works out.“
  212. “Of course it will, I have destiny on my side.”
  213.  
  214. Kenji and I make it to the dorms, stopping on the front steps. “When are you leaving Yamaku?” I ask.
  215. “Not for a few days. I haven't even packed yet.”
  216. “You should have done that a long time ago.”
  217. “It's more efficient to do things at the last minute, that's the way all men are. Our best work is done under the line, I would have thought you would have caught on to that by now.“
  218. “Well, let's hang out one last time before we both go our separate ways, all right? It'll be hard saying goodbye.“
  219. “Just do what I do; don't say it. Ever.”
  220.  
  221. Kenji holds out his hand and I take it, giving it a firm shake while he practically tries to shatter my knuckles. “I'll bring the bottle,” he says with a smile.
  222.  
  223. Kenji turns to walk away, but I call after him. “Hey, Kenji? Can I ask a favor?”
  224. He turns back towards me, hands in his pocket. “I don't have any cash, if that's what you want.”
  225. “No, I'm doing this project. Can I take your picture?”
  226. “What for?”
  227. “School thing. A friend asked me to take pictures of people.“
  228. He frowns deeply. “I usually don't approve of photographic evidence as a matter of course. I guess they will need my likeness for my statue, so I guess it's all right.“
  229.  
  230. He poses dramatically. “Like this?”
  231. “I was thinking something a little more subtle,” I say, getting the camera in position.
  232.  
  233. Kenji walks back towards me and leans in close, crowding into the lens. “Just make sure you get my good side.”
  234. “You'll have to turn around and walk away again for that.“
  235. “Ha, ha, jackass.”
  236. I put my finger on the trigger. “So what was your secret? What are you going to university for?“
  237. Kenji grins widely. “You're a friend, so I guess I can tell you.” He chuckles menacingly. “Know your enemy right? You really want to know what I'm going to study?“
  238. “Yeah?”
  239. A wicked light plays in Kenji's eyes. “...Women's studies!”
  240. Flash.
  241.  
  242. ----------------------------------------
  243.  
  244. The morning air is brisk and just slightly damp, a spring energy that fills my lungs with vigor. I had already been awake and getting ready before my alarm rang, which is a good feeling, like winning victory over time itself. I'm no track star, but getting a little jog in every day when I can manage has become something of a habit of mine. I certainly couldn't compete or even consider myself a runner, it's just something I do to stay in shape. With my medication, I've been doing a lot better and I can't recall the last time I was worried about my heart or felt like I had pushed myself too far. I've started getting things under control and that control is a secure feeling, especially when everything around me is about to change.
  245.  
  246. I set my bag on the bench along with Yuuko's camera and start some simple stretches to limber up. I pay careful attention to my legs to avoid a cramp like last time before I set my feet to the line, take a few deep breathes and head off.
  247.  
  248. It's not hard, I don't push myself as I start an easy jog. I go around the first turn keeping my breath under control, paying careful attention to my stride and tempo, a sliver of attention paid to the feeling of my heart beating in my chest to monitor it. The second and third turns pass by and I feel a little adventurous, so I speed up slightly. My legs burn, not painfully, but from active use and I set into a comfortable pattern designed to keep me going but in no hurry.
  249.  
  250. I go around the track once, twice and half of a third time before I slow myself, restraining my effort to just maintaining a healthy heartbeat, avoiding any lines that could be crossed by slowing to a fast walk that keeps me breathing heavily. A little push, a little effort to keep myself in shape and lend strength to my heart is my goal, no gold medals or foolishly trying to impress anyone except myself. I rather like this feeling of commitment and accomplishment that running has been giving me. I only started a couple months or so ago, but it's coming easier each day. I think I'll keep it up even if studies at university get rough, it's not something I should drop and it will do me a lot of good. I certainly know what happens when I don't keep my mind focussed on my health and I don't dare risk a repeat of that.
  251.  
  252. Several laps is all I do before I call it quits. It's not impressive or something to brag about, but my heart is beating heavily and I feel just shy of out of breath, which is good enough.
  253.  
  254. As I reach the finish line for a ceremonial end to my exercise, I hear her before I see her coming down the bleacher steps towards me. Emi is still in her running legs but has changed out of her usual gym uniform and into something more casual, heading down the stairs towards me. “Looking good out there, Hisao! What was your time?”
  255. “I haven't been keeping track.”
  256.  
  257. She looks disappointed, putting her fists on her hips. “How will you know you're getting better?”
  258. “I guess for me running at all is an improvement. I don't think competing against a timer will do me any good. As long as I'm running, I think I'll be fine. I don't feel like my exercise has gotten to the point where I should be keeping track of how long it takes me. As long as I get out and don't have any accidents, I feel like I'm doing just fine.“
  259.  
  260. She smiles, a little smirk on her face. “I guess that's true. You're probably not to the point where shaving off a few seconds from your lap will do you any good.“ She puts her hands behind her back, swaying a little back and forth. “I'm really happy seeing you out here. You've been doing a great job with making sure you get out here every day.“
  261.  
  262. I wipe my brow with a towel I brought with me, then take a deep drink of water from my bottle. “I'm pretty pleased as well. It's been getting easier getting up to make sure I have enough time before class.“
  263. “Once you make it a habit, it'll start coming naturally to you. Just don't let it go and you'll do fine.“
  264.  
  265. The two of us sit on the bench waiting for me to cool down. “Did you already do your runs?”
  266. Emi nods, her bladed legs bouncing back and forth while she sits. “Yep! I don't expect you to get up with me anymore, I'm a bit of an early bird. I just wanted to make sure you were here and see you again. We'll be gone in a few days.“
  267. “Why do you still have your running legs on?“
  268. “Are you kidding? I don't have time to switch! I'm too busy saying goodbye to all the people I like,“ she says, nudging up against me and putting her head on my shoulder.
  269. “I know, it feels weird. I guess though it's even worse for you since you've been at Yamaku longer than I've been,“ I say giving her a one armed hug.
  270. “It is a little. I'm going to miss this track, I was just started to wear it in. Now other people will be using it, ruining my lines and messing up all my favorite lanes.“
  271. “Too bad you can't take it with you.”
  272. “I'll stop by every now and then, if only to visit Nurse. I won't have much time, I'm going to be plenty busy.“
  273. “What are you going to do?”
  274. She seems to consider it, finger to her lip in thought. “I've got my eyes on a university near my house, so I'll be staying with my mom for a while. With both school and track, I won't have the time for a part time job, so I'll save on living expenses, I guess. How about you?“
  275. “Ugh, I'm dreading going back my parents house,” I say is disgust. “I'll be lucky if my mother let's me start school right away, she'll probably force me to take a semester off just to please her.“
  276. “Clingy?“ Emi giggles.
  277. “You have no idea. I don't expect much peace until I get out again to start school.“ I shrug in surrender. ”I guess it'll be okay, I haven't seen them in a while and with tuition and living there for free, I'll owe them that much.“
  278. “Free is nice. I won't mind living with my mom again, I kind of missed it. It'll be nice between classes to come home.“
  279. “What are you going for again?”
  280. “Rehabilitation mostly, but of course I'm still running. I've already got it worked out for university to join the track team. Mom had to talk to a few lawyers from Yamaku to get the university to let me in, but she showed them. Can you believe they tried to keep me out of the track team just because of my legs? That's discrimination! They said it could lead to 'liability' or give me an unfair advantage. 'Advantage?' I don't have feet, how much of an advantage could that be?“
  281.  
  282. I laugh at her tone and how mock insulted she sounds. “Maybe it's just people being afraid of something that's different. They don't like having to change things for someone, whether it's because they need a little help or because they're extra special.“
  283. “I hope I'm in the second category?”
  284. “Absolutely!”
  285. She smugly grins, satisfied with my answer. “That must be it. They're intimidated by how good I am. I don't think the coach trusted my times until he saw me running himself. After that he couldn't wait to get me on the team. He even said I had what it takes to go professional.“
  286. “You're still going to try for that?”
  287. “Of course! Para-games, Olympics, whatever it takes and whatever I can reach. I'm not stopping for anything, I'm taking this as far as I can.“
  288. “Good luck on that, Emi. I really hope you make it. I have faith in you.“
  289. “Thanks, Hisao, I do too. And, you know, you should be able to do pretty well for yourself with teaching, you nerd. I'll be cheering you on.“
  290. “Same for me.”
  291.  
  292. We sit next to each other watching the empty track for a time, just enjoying the quite and the presence of one another. Since I started taking better care of myself, Emi and I have gotten closer, the process bringing us together, and I think I can say I'm closer friends with her than most other people at Yamaku. I'm going to miss the way she brightens things whenever she walks into a room or the way she lifts my spirits when I feel down about running. Her encouragement has been a major reason I've gotten control of my health and I have her to thank for getting me on the right track and starting to improve my heart. Without her help I don't think I would have lasted long and I would have ended up falling back into my old habit of ignoring my condition. Now though, she's given me the chance I need to make some real change in my life, to not let my condition control me. I'm going to miss her presence and being able to count on her for when I needed it.
  293.  
  294. “I'm going to miss you, Emi.”
  295.  
  296. She looks a little startled by my words, like she wasn't expecting them so suddenly. She turns back to look at the ground at her feet, playing with some of the rocks with her bladed toes. “I didn't do much.”
  297. “Yes, you did. I would never be in this good of shape without you. I know I kind of blew you off when I first came to Yamaku and I'm sorry about that. You gave me a lot of attention those first few weeks and I never thanked you for it. You put a lot of effort into getting me to better myself and you even helped me out again when I decided to get in shape later. You didn't even hesitate when I asked for help and you got on my case all over again when I needed it.“
  298. “I guess I just had faith in you. You didn't have the look of a quitter, so I knew that if I was there to help just a little bit, you'd never give up.“ She gives me a hug, wrapping her arms around my shoulder. “I'm proud of you. I'm going to miss you too, Hisao.“
  299. I return the gesture warmly. “We'll hang out sometime or something, we'll see each other again.“
  300. “We'll be really busy with university, it won't be for a while. I don't plan on having any free time soon and you'll be busy with your schooling. If I do get to run professionally, I won't be around anymore, I might travel around the world.“
  301. “Sounds like fun.”
  302. “I guess.”
  303.  
  304. She sits with her hands in her lap, looking very tiny and fragile.
  305. “Emi, what's wrong?”
  306. She gives a big sigh, bigger than I thought her tiny body could hold. “I just hate saying goodbye to people,” she says in a little whisper, her voice sounding tight.
  307.  
  308. I put a hand on her shoulder for encouragement. “Someone told me that if you have trouble saying goodbye, you should never say it. Just hope we see each other again.“
  309. “That's a bunch of crap. If you never say goodbye, you never know if you'll have a chance to say it again. The worst thing ever is not getting the chance to say goodbye to someone.“
  310.  
  311. She turns to face me on the bench, putting on a strong face. “I don't think things should be left unsaid. So I just want to make sure I do this right so I don't regret it later.“ She takes a breath. ”I'm going to miss you, Hisao. If we don't see each other again, I just want to say 'goodbye'.“
  312.  
  313. I stare at her, a little worried at her grim tone. “I'm not dying,” I say, concerned she knows something that I don't.
  314. “There's no guarantee about that,” she says with a sad smile. “It's better to give it the seriousness it needs than regret not doing it later. I don't think it's a good idea to let things go unsaid. So that's why I want you to know this. And I wanted to tell you....“
  315.  
  316. She hesitates before rallying. It's strange to see Emi so reluctant to take something on, she seems tightly wound and nervous.
  317. “I wanted to tell you that I really liked knowing you. I really liked you.“
  318. “I like you too, Emi.”
  319. “I don't think you liked me the same way that I liked you.“
  320.  
  321. My jaw drops open a little.
  322. “O-ohhh,” I drone.
  323.  
  324. She smiles playfully. “Are you okay?”
  325. “Y-yeah, I just, wasn't expecting that. We are talking about the same thing, right?”
  326. “Yeah. It's all right, neither was I.”
  327. “Is this... a long running thing?”
  328. “Not really. The first week you were here, you were just 'that goofy guy with the heart' Nurse asked me to watch out for. I wanted to get you running for your own benefit, but that fact you were cute was just a bonus. When you dropped off and started dating your girlfriend, I just put it aside and didn't think of it much. When we started hanging out again, I thought about it more and I guess it felt a little more important than I tried to convince myself it did. I didn't say anything, of course, that would be awful, but now that we're leaving, I just needed to get it off my chest. I had to say it, otherwise it would stick with me and I don't want that to bother me my whole life. Like I said, I don't belive you should leave anything unsaid, you don't know if you'll get another chance.“
  329.  
  330. I sit on the bench next to her, hands clasped together, feeling contrite.
  331.  
  332. She smiles sympathetically at me. “I didn't make things weird between us, did I?”
  333. “A little, maybe.”
  334. “Sorry, it just needed to be done. Don't worry, the only torch I plan on holding is an Olympic one. Jeez, a crush is a crush, Hisao. You're a great guy, you're cute and funny. Any girl who spend time with you would eventually feel the way I did. I'm okay, though, I'm over it and I have been. I just wanted you to know that I was.“
  335.  
  336. I nod, feeling slightly better about the situation, though I still feel just a little awkward sitting so close to her. I don't think about it too much, but Emi is a great girl too, any guy would be lucky to be dating her. “I know you have a hard time sharing with people, so I know how difficult that must have been to say. The things you've said before... I understand why you think it's so important not to leave things unsaid between people. I understand.“
  337. She looks down and nods. “Yeah, I had to work myself up to it.”
  338.  
  339. I turn towards her and shake the feelings of reluctance off, putting on a smile again. “Thank you, Emi. You're fantastic. Are we good?”
  340. She returns the gesture and changed demeanor. “Yeah, we're good.”
  341.  
  342. Both of us go for a false start or two, but eventually we give each other a warm embrace and there isn't anything strange or uncomfortable about it. We're fine again, the air once more clear between us.
  343.  
  344. Both of us stand from the bench, dusting ourselves off. “So now that that's out of the way, what are your plans?“
  345. “I don't have anything to do.”
  346. “I'm hungry, want to head into town and find something to eat?”
  347. “Sure, but first, I have one last bit of business to take care of. I said goodbye to you, but now I need to say goodbye to the track. One last lap for old time's sake.“
  348. I step aside, giving her plenty of room.
  349.  
  350. Emi walks up to the starting line, kneeling down on her hands and knees. “Give me a shot,” she asks.
  351.  
  352. I give a four count and then yell start.
  353. Emi is off like a bullet, her hair whipping back instantly like streamers, her legs cutting the air like swords. He clothes drag, but they don't slow her down. With long, graceful strides she takes the corner effortlessly, her arms pumping in perfect time. She looks like a rocket by the time she hits the second turn and in all the times I've watched her run, I've never seen her run this fast. She blows past every barrier she's ever had before and reaches almost inhuman speed. I see the fierceness and determination in her eyes and I pity anyone who gets in the way of Emi Ibarazaki, my friend.
  354.  
  355. I want to remember her like this, at her best. I have to hurry back to the bench and grab the camera before she completes the lap. I barely make it before I press the button to capture the moment she crosses the line, Emi at her Emiest.
  356.  
  357. She slows down her mad sprint, breathing in and out heavily from pushing herself. “How was that?”
  358. I look at the camera, disappointed but also impressed that she's nothing but a green blur in the picture I took. “You did great, but I screwed up the picture.”
  359. “Let me see!”
  360.  
  361. She pushes me aside to get a better look. “You didn't hold it right, you were moving too much!“
  362. “Me? You were blasting past faster than I could press the button, what was I supposed to do?“
  363. “You clearly don't know what you're doing! Let a professional do it!“
  364. She jumps for the camera which I hold over my head. “It's not mine.”
  365. She makes several hops for it to no avail. Normally she doesn't like it when I take advantage of her height, but she's grinning and I think she's laughing too. “Then you shouldn't be playing with it! Hand it over!“
  366.  
  367. Emi lunges for the camera and I keep it out of reach of her.
  368. Flash.
  369. A photo finish.
  370. On second thought, I think this picture is Emi at her Emiest.
  371.  
  372. ----------------------------------------
  373.  
  374. I head over to the girl's dorms at an easy pace, my yearbook under my arm and Yuuko's camera around my neck. I'm in no rush and Hanako didn't really set a time for us to meet. All she said was that she needed some help moving things out of her dorm, so I agreed right away to give her a hand. I thought I would take the chance to have her sign my book for me as well. The camera has become a little bit of a habit now as I'm never quite sure when I'll want to catch a picture, but I've been enjoying taking them all over campus.
  375.  
  376. Doing some work with Hanako will give us a good chance to talk before things get too hectic. With her working with the newspaper club and doing her own things separate from Lilly and I, she and I haven't seen much of each other in recent weeks. The build up towards graduation has only increased our schedules and I'm glad for the chance the two of us to catch up and sort things out before it's too late. I haven't been concerned about her for a while, but I'm somewhat worried about what she will be doing after school, where she will be going and staying. I know she has plans for university but I have no idea how she is going to see about it or handle things. I have no doubts about her ability, but I worry nonetheless. I want to spend some time with her not just to share some moments before graduation but also to set my mind at ease that she has everything already planned out for herself. She certainly seems confident enough about the future, more than I have been and the few times we've gotten together she's been pretty upbeat and excited about graduating.
  377.  
  378. I reach the dorms, holding open the door for a couple girls with bags and boxes before getting inside myself, not wanting to become a door stop for more and more people filing through the exit. I head upstairs and down the hall, many of the doors wide open, empty, sad looking rooms without occupants or possessions gaping back at me.
  379.  
  380. Hanako's door is closed, so I knock.
  381. “Come in.”
  382. I open the door and peak inside just a little bit. “It's me.”
  383. Hanako looks up from her bed, piled with clothes. She smiles in amusement. “Who else would it be?”
  384. “No one, I guess. Maybe Lilly.”
  385. “You don't knock like Lilly.”
  386. “Don't I? So, what do you need help with?“
  387. She seems a bit bashful, looking over her room. “Well, e-everything.”
  388. I move into the room, pushing the door against something that gives slowly and step straight into the middle of a maelstrom. Clothes are everywhere, piled on the floor in untidy groupings mixed in with books overflowing out of boxes, some of them piled in front of the door which was what I had to push against to get inside. The shelves are empty, only to have their contents dumped into other boxes marked with stickers and words drawn in marker.
  389.  
  390. “Where did all of this come from?” I ask, stupefied by the sight before me.
  391. “I just... started pulling things out and there was a l-lot more than I thought.“
  392. I haven't been in Hanako's room for a long time, but to have this much stuff pile up since then is almost a catastrophe. “Where did all of this come from?” I repeat since it begs it.
  393.  
  394. Hanako looks almost as confused as I do, scanning the room and all her belongings as if she doesn't recognize them. “I'm not r-really sure. I just kind of s-started shopping with Naomi and Natsume and... this happened,“ she says, holding her arm out to encompass the mess. “Not all at once, but over time it just... piled up.“
  395. “I don't...“ I'm not sure what to say. I have to step over a couple piles and choose my path carefully to get closer to her. “How can you have so much stuff?“
  396. She tightly grips a shirt with sequin designs on it. “I d-don't know. On the weekends, the three of us head into town. Sometimes Miki or Saki go too. We get... a little carried away, I guess.“
  397. “'A little'? I'll never understand how girls can have so many clothes. As long as I have something clean, I'm happy, but this is insane. How are we going to pack this all up?“
  398. She looks a little hurt. “Y-you don't need to help if you don't have the time.“
  399. “I didn't say that, I'm just not sure where to start.“
  400.  
  401. She smiles again, pleased that I'm not upset, folding the shirt into a neat square and placing it in a suitcase. “We c-can start by organizing them so it'll be easier to pack.“
  402. “And here I thought you just needed me to lift heavy bags. Now I'm folding shirts and pants. I feel like I work in a shop.“
  403. “If it bothers you that much, you can start by p-putting the books into some boxes.“
  404.  
  405. I pick my way across the floor towards a large mound of empty boxes and several piles of the mentioned books in tall, tippy stacks. “Let me guess; you started buying books too?“
  406. “Th-there's a b-book store in the city...“
  407. “Do they need to be in order?“
  408. “No, they just need to fit. But be c-careful with them? Please? I don't want them to get bent.“
  409. “Of course, I understand. I'm pretty particular with my books, too.“
  410.  
  411. Hanako and I get to work, packing her things into boxes, placing them where they belong in a way that they'll fit. Even so, as things start to pile up, I see myself making a lot of trips in and out of the dorms with heavy boxes. I could always fall back on my heart as a reason not to do any labor, but that would be cruel and a bit of a lie to Hanako. I would feel bad putting her through all the trouble of taking care of everything on her own and I had already promised I would help. Backing out now would be unlike a friend and be pretty lazy on top of that.
  412.  
  413. I start setting books into the box in an orderly fashion, flat, not on the spine, hoping they will all fit. Some of them look familiar from times I had glanced at Hanako's shelf or when she let me borrow one or two, but others have a telling stamp on the inside cover. “Hanako, some of these belong to the library.“
  414. She looks up from her work. “They do? I th-thought I had returned all of the books I had borrowed.“
  415.  
  416. I hold up a pair of library books, more on the floor around me. “You still have a lot of them.“
  417. She looks worried and fretful. “I already b-brought a whole armful back. I can't believe I still have m-more.“ She takes one book from me and checks the title. “I thought I had lost this one. Oh, no, Yuuko is g-going to be so upset with me....“
  418. “I think she'll be more relieved that some of her missing books showed up. She seemed pretty overwhelmed when I brought my pile of books back to the library, but she had some help. I'm sure it'll be fine.“
  419.  
  420. Hanako nods, setting the book aside. “We'd better k-keep these separate, just in case.“
  421.  
  422. I begin going through the process of not just packing things away, but also checking each one for the Yamaku stamp. It's a monotonous process and I quickly come to sympathize with Yuuko during the mind numbing task. I certainly don't envy her the job, though she does get paid. Not much, if her bemoaning can be trusted, so it's a hollow comfort.
  423.  
  424. I take notice of several of the books I handle, all of them belonging to Hanako, thick, well bound ones, not all of them paperbacks like I had come to expect, the kind you would pick up in a shop or book store. Some of them look very old and have the smell of age and their pages have the brittle, rough feeling of old paper. “These are some really nice books, Hanako.“
  425.  
  426. She smiles as she folds a pair of jeans. “Thank you. The little shop I mentioned is an antique store, it's really nice. They have a lot of old books. I had some of them in newer prints, but it's really neat having old versions too.“ She picks up one of them I hand to her, checking the inside title and running her fingers down the pages, feeling the texture of it, breathing in it's scent. “I like old books. I like things that have been around for a while, I think age is a good thing for stuff to have. It makes them feel permanent.“
  427.  
  428. “I think I feel the same way. It's different reading an old book than one that has brand new pages. It has more character, I guess. Like it knows the story it's telling better.“
  429. “That's a funny way to think of it, but I guess it's a little true. I like that.“
  430.  
  431. I flip another book in my hands, the covers having some faded, gold text on it. “These are really beautiful. How did you afford all of them”
  432. She looks bashful suddenly and maybe a little ashamed. “I... have some money saved.”
  433. “Oh, really? I'm jealous. Did you get a part time job I don't know about?“
  434.  
  435. She turns away, occupying herself with another task, pulling a few clothes out of a pile, turning her face away from me. “It... was a gift.”
  436. “From a secret admirer?”
  437.  
  438. My tease turns her bright red, holding a shirt to partially hide her face. “N-no! N-nothing like that!”
  439. “Well, where did all this stuff come from? I mean, clothes, new books, it's all a little suspicious. You've been going to the city a lot. I hope you're not doing something Lilly and I wouldn't approve of.”
  440.  
  441. She turns her face downwards, fiddling with the shirt in her fingers. “It came from....” It takes a while for her to rally herself. “It was a g-gift from my.... p-parents.”
  442.  
  443. I flinch and feel a little cold bead in my chest for pathetically trying to tease her. “Sorry.”
  444. “It's okay,” she says, looking up. “I guess I have been going overboard a little. It's just whenever Naomi and Natsume want to hang out we go shopping. I like it, it's fun to wear clothes like this and go to town. They know where a lot of really cute shops are. I guess I get carried away sometimes, but I... I've never had things this nice before. I guess I just... wanted to have... nice things.“
  445.  
  446. I feel stupid having put her in this position. “I'm sorry, Hanako, I didn't mean to bring this up.”
  447. She nods quickly several times. “It's okay. I don't mind.”
  448. “So, like, how did you get the money? If you don't mind me asking.”
  449.  
  450. She shrugs. “When I turned eighteen. It was waiting for me. It's for university and stuff. I just... spent a little of it ahead of time.“
  451. “A little?” I say, looking around me at all the stuff she bought.
  452.  
  453. She smiles bashfully. “It's... a lot.”
  454. “How much is a lot?
  455.  
  456. Her eyes wander the ceiling like the answer was written somewhere up there. “Enough, I guess.”
  457. “Like, 'everything is fine but I eat bowl noodles every night' enough or 'why am I going to university when I can retire' enough?“
  458.  
  459. She giggles nervously. “More like the first one. I d-don't think I'll need a part time job for school, though.“
  460.  
  461. “Lucky. I'm jealous,” I start to say. Hanako coming into what sounds like a good amount of money just makes me recall my own problems with life looming ahead. “I don't know what I'm going to do about money. I'm going to have to live with my parents while I go to school and I am not looking forward to that. Between studies and finding a job, though, I won't have to deal with them much, I hope.“ I groan in annoyance. ”Ever since my mom learned that I would be staying at home while going to university, she's been calling me every day telling me about how she cleaned my room and kept it just the way I left it, how nice it's going to be to have 'her little Hichan' back home all the time.“
  462.  
  463. I stop my rant and look over at Hanako who is smiling as she listens to me complain about my parents.
  464.  
  465. “Wow, that was awful. I'm sorry. I'm complaining about my parents and....“
  466.  
  467. “It's fine,” she says, shaking her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don't mind at all, it doesn't bother me. I like hearing about other people's families. It's fun to share what they go through. I like it. Please don't think I'll get upset over something like that. It's... been a long time. I'm okay.“
  468.  
  469. Hanako and I sit on the floor amidst all her belongings facing each other. “Yeah, I know you are.”
  470. She looks up at me in surprise.
  471. “I guess I forget sometimes about how strong you've become, Hanako. I'm not just jealous about money, I'm jealous of you.“
  472. “M-me? What for?”
  473.  
  474. “When I came to Yamaku you could barely be in the same room as me for very long. Now you're getting up and moving on with your life and you're doing it so confidently. You've dealt with this your whole life and I've only known about my heart for barely a year and I nearly gave up on living because of it. I'm impressed you're the same person from before, but I should have known you'd be capable of this. I feel a little bad that I ever doubted you. You've made faster progress than I have.“
  475.  
  476. She smiles and nods in thanks. “Thank you, but you shouldn't think th-that way about yourself. You've done such a good j-job taking care of your health it's r-really impressive! I feel bad too, though. For a while I doubted myself, I almost convinced myself that I couldn't do these sort of things. N-now though... everything is so big and strange now, but I'm not afraid at all. I'm r-really excited! I didn't think I would want to leave Yamaku, but I think I'm ready now. I used to feel safe here, like I could be by myself and comfortable, but I don't want that anymore. I kind of... I kind of want to make m-mistakes now. I want to see what I can do next. For so long I didn't do anything with myself, but now that I'm here, I feel like I could do anything. I have so m-many opportunities ahead of me, I don't know which one to take.“
  477.  
  478. She dips her head a little before standing, walking over to her bookshelf. She takes a picture down from it and hands it to me before sitting back down.
  479.  
  480. It's a picture of a very pretty women holding a baby with dark hair. The woman looks like what I would expect Hanako to look like in a few years.
  481.  
  482. “I'm really g-grateful. For everything I have now. What my p-parents gave me, what this school helped me with, meeting you and Lilly and all of my friends. I didn't think I would have half the things I do now a year ago. I never thought I would live this kind of l-life and it's only getting started. Everything in the p-past feels so far away now, I feel like a completely different person. I like that. I like the p-person I am now.“
  483.  
  484. She looks up at me and gives me a strong, sure smile. “Thank you, Hisao. Th-thanks for being my friend and for being there for me when I needed it.”
  485. I smile too, but mine is sad and I feel an unmanly cry coming when I hand her back the picture. “It's not a problem.”
  486. “Are you going to cry?”
  487. “No.”
  488. “D-do you want to?”
  489. “A little.”
  490.  
  491. She smiles, suppressing a giggle, holding the picture tightly to her chest. I laugh as well, wiping my eyes. “Jeez. Look at me. I'm such a softy.”
  492. “You're good guy, Hisao. I'm glad we met.”
  493.  
  494. We both laugh the situation off and busy ourselves with work, trying not to accept the fact that this may be the last time we see each other. I don't want to leave these people behind, especially Hanako, but there isn't much that can be done about that. Like she said, there's so much life in front of us, it's impossible to tell where it may take us. We could all meet again or we may never cross paths for the rest of our lives. I hope we keep in touch and I don't want to lose that. I've already lost a lot in life, friends and friendships, I don't want to let any more of them go.
  495.  
  496. “So do you have a university picked out?” I say, trying to keep the conversation going and keep it light.
  497. She nods. “Yeah, I've got everything settled. I'll be moving there right away. They have live-in dorms where I'll be staying, so I'll be moving in straight from Yamaku. It's a pretty nice school down s-south, I visited it a couple times during the last break. They accept a lot of students from Yamaku, so everything about the paperwork and transferring was really easy.“
  498.  
  499. “Do you think you'll have any trouble? I mean, with the other people there?“
  500. She stops and folds her hands in her lap, smiling at me. “Th-thank you for being worried about me, but I'm all right. I've met a lot of people there already and they're really nice. It's really popular with foreign students, so they're r-really open and stuff.“ She absentmindedly touches her cheek. ”If there is a problem, that says more about them as people than it does me, I guess.“
  501.  
  502. I'm left a little star struck by her demeanor and cool attitude towards change. This isn't the same skittish girl who ran away from me in the library, this is a changed person sitting in front of me, someone I'm finding myself more and more admiring. Hanako isn't the only one who is glad that we met. “Good for you, Hanako. I'm proud of you.”
  503.  
  504. She grins, looking down at the floor as she does. “Th-thanks. I am too.”
  505.  
  506. I continue the talk while we get back to work again. “So, what are you going for? What will you be studying?“
  507. “I'm not sure,” she says, zipping up a bag and setting it aside, our work already putting her room into a more orderly state of disarray. “That's the one thing I don't know what to do about. I'm not s-sure what to study or what kind of job I want. I'll need one, I know that, but I don't know what I'll be g-good at d-doing.“
  508.  
  509. “I think it's more important to do something you enjoy that what you're good at. Eventually, with time, they'll become the same thing.“
  510. “I guess that is true. I h-hadn't thought of it that way. I guess the one thing is that I want to do something where I can help p-people or spend time with them. I don't know how to do that, but I want... I want to talk to people. I spent so much time hiding from them, afraid, I want to make up for what I lost. I want to make other people happy with what I do.“
  511. “That sounds pretty noble, Hanako.”
  512. “Maybe, but I do want something else.”
  513. “What would that be?”
  514. She smiles excitedly. “I want to travel. I want to see other places. I guess it's for the same reason, I spent so much time alone, I want to go where there are people. I think I want to see America the most.“
  515.  
  516. “That sounds like a big deal, Hanako.”
  517. “I don't plan on it right away. I d-don't think I'm ready for it yet, but it's something I want to do, something I've always wanted.“ She looks thoughtful for a moment. ”I guess with the way things are, I want to make sure I live the way I want to, I just d-don't know what that is yet. I guess I just want to find out.“
  518.  
  519. I couldn't wipe the grin off my face if I wanted to. “That's fantastic. Good for you, Hanako. I'm sure whatever it is you decide on you'll be great at it. I have no doubts.“
  520. “Thank you, Hisao. I hope you do well with becoming a teacher.“
  521. “You and me both.”
  522.  
  523. We continue packing, talking, sometimes not talking, have a minor fit when we can't find all the pieces to one of Hanako's chess sets, laugh when we find some souvenirs from a trip we took with Lilly, she cries a little when she talks about saying goodbye to everyone she knows. Together, the work comes swiftly and in no time, we have most everything packed and ready to be taken away.
  524.  
  525. Picking the box of library books up in my arm, I set them next to the door to be taken back to Yuuko. Surveying the room, both Hanako and I have a very pleased attitude with the work we have done. “Looks just about ready,” I say to myself mostly.
  526. “Yeah, I guess.”
  527.  
  528. Hanako turns to face me, rubbing her fingers together. “Hisao?”
  529. “What's wrong?”
  530. “We're not,” she starts off slowly. “we're not going to f-forget about each other. Just because we're not going to the same school anymore, we won't stop being f-friends, right?“
  531.  
  532. I give Hanako a big hug and she doesn't shrink from the contact at all, instead returning it even more tightly. “Of course not. We'll stay in contact, I promise. I would never want to lose a person as important to me as you, Hanako.“
  533. She sighs in relief, squeezing me and putting her head on my shoulder. “G-good. Th-that's good.”
  534.  
  535. We release and I pick my yearbook up from her bed where I left it so it wouldn't get mixed in with her books. “Just to be sure, I brought this.”
  536.  
  537. She smiles, catching my meaning, retrieving her own yearbook and a pen from her desk. We take the time to sign each others book, putting in phone numbers, addresses and even e-mail, just in case.
  538.  
  539. We hand them back to each other, checking what the other wrote. Hanako says, “Thank you for being my friend.”
  540. I wrote to her, “You are the strongest person I know.”
  541.  
  542. We both take the time to appreciate the messages we wrote to one another before getting ready. “So, what do we do next?”
  543. “I th-think we should get these books back to Yuuko right away....“
  544. “Agreed, but I don't think she'll be happy about it”
  545.  
  546. I pick up the box, slipping my yearbook under my arm as we head out, Hanako catching doors for me. We make it outside into the warm air as head down the path, other students around attending to their own tasks of leaving Yamaku, others enjoying the beautiful weather we're having this spring. The trees are blossoming and the pink petals are all over the walkway, you couldn't avoid them if you tried.
  547.  
  548. Before too long, though, something catches my foot and, with a squawk of alarm, I tumble to the ground, spilling the contents of the box all over the sidewalk.
  549.  
  550. Hanako let's out a yelp of surprise, but I quickly sit up unhurt, just surprised by my fall.
  551.  
  552. I quickly see what made me trip.
  553.  
  554. “Are you stealing those books?“
  555. Standing next to me, twirling her cane tellingly is a very pretty girl I've met a few times before with shoulder length, honey colored hair and an impish grin on her face.
  556. “Why did you trip me?”
  557. “I had to keep you from escaping me.”
  558. Hanako has am uncharacteristic edge to her voice. “Saki! Th-that's dangerous, don't trip Hisao!”
  559. Saki looks slightly hurt at Hanako's berating, but she quickly recovers. “He's fine, nothing broken. You're all right, aren't you Hisao? You're not angry with me?“ she says, leaning down to face me with a very, very pretty smile.
  560.  
  561. “N-no,” I dumbly respond.
  562. “See? No harm done. You're boyfriend is a tough guy.”
  563. “H-he's n-not....!”
  564. Saki looks at all the books spilled around, ignoring Hanako's flustered cry. “Goodness, Hisao, you are a book nerd.” She picks up one of them, my yearbook. “What are you carrying this for?”
  565. “I wanted Hanako to sign my yearbook,” I say, dusting myself off as I stand. “I was helping to take back some library books back for her and then suddenly, I was tripped by a horrible inconsiderate person and almost died.“
  566. “How awful! We wouldn't want that, would we? Are you asking all the pretty girls to sign your book or just the ones you like?“
  567.  
  568. Hanako blushes furiously. “S-saki....”
  569. “Oh, shut up, Hanako, you're gorgeous.” Saki puts both hands behind her back, looking like a little girl who just got denied candy. “Well, Hisao, are you going to ask me to sign it or not? You wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, would you?“
  570.  
  571. I say I would not, which is partially true, and hand Saki a pen from my pocket which she uses to write in my book. She gets a very serious look on her face as she carefully grips the pen and writes in a slow, deliberate manner, keeping her hands from shaking as she does. When she's done, taking an identical book from a small bag around her wrist, she hands it to me and I sign it, thinking of something to write quickly. She checks what I wrote with a smile and a roll of her eyes. “Very sweet, but not very clever. Then again, the cute ones never are. Hanako, do you have your book with you? May I sign it?“
  572. “I d-don't have it here, but I would like you to.”
  573. “I would like that as well. Thank you.”
  574.  
  575. “So, what are you doing here, Saki?”
  576. She smiles at me playfully. “Keeping handsome boys from running off with Hanako, that's what. I was looking for you, girl.“
  577. “Wh-why?”
  578.  
  579. From around the dorm, a small pack emerges. I recognize them immediately, the newspaper club, Naomi and Natsume along with Miki and Suzu with Rika tagging along.
  580.  
  581. Naomi spots Hanako first and is delighted, breaking from the group and seizing Hanako with a hug, which makes Hanako yelp and go stiff in the back.
  582.  
  583. “What happened here?” Rika asks, looking at all the fallen books.
  584. “I stopped Hisao from kidnapping our girl.”
  585. “Did you do something foolish?”
  586. “I only used the means at my disposal.”
  587. “Did you hurt him?”
  588. “He's still breathing.”
  589. “He has a condition.”
  590. “So do I,” Saki snaps, annoyed or angry at Rika's pestering.
  591.  
  592. Rika just gives her a long, dull stare before Saki starts squirming uncomfortably beneath it.
  593. “Fine. Sorry,” she says in a forced tone.
  594. Rika gestures towards me with her chin.
  595. Saki groans, facing me. “I'm sorry for tripping you, Hisao.”
  596. “Apology accepted.”
  597. Saki looks back at Rika, who nods in silent acceptance, Saki breathing a sigh of relief.
  598.  
  599. Miki seems amused by the scene and starts helping me pick up books aided by Naomi and Suzu. We quickly set them in the box again. “Thanks, girls.”
  600. “No, problem, Hisao. Leave it to a nerd like you to be carrying books after school is over,“ Miki says, offering me her hand to help me back up from packing things.
  601.  
  602. “So what are you doing here?”
  603. “Looking for Hanako, actually,” Natsume says after peeling Naomi off of the aforementioned Hanako. “We're planning a little get together for the end of the year and wanted to invite her.“
  604.  
  605. Hanako looks delighted, but quickly glances back at me. “I'm sorry, I have to take these books back with Hisao. I can meet you later.“
  606. “No, nonsense! Hanako, you go with them, I'll take care of it.“
  607.  
  608. Suzu has a knowing smile on her face. “What a gentlemen.”
  609. Hanako looks unsure. “Really? I d-don't want to make you....”
  610. “You go with them, we'll have time to do something more. I know Lilly will want to send you off properly, we'll all have some time together before we leave. I wouldn't want you to miss out on a party just because you had some overdue books. I'll smooth it over with Yuuko, though she won't be happy to see me again.“
  611. “Yuuko is never happy to see anyone, she could use a break,” Miki says. She leans closer to me, looking at the camera around my neck. “I think that's her's, isn't it?“
  612. "Are you a nerd and a thief, Hisao?" Saki asks.
  613. “No, I am not. She asked me to take picture for her around school.”
  614. “Well, don't waste this opportunity! Take a picture, nerd!“ Miki shouts.
  615.  
  616. I chuckle as the girls all crowd in together, dragging Hanako in amid them. She blushes terribly, but smiles as much as she can while I take a picture of all them together.
  617.  
  618. Afterwards, a quick consultation with the girls, a chatty mob if I ever saw one, and they start to head off, Hanako promising she'd catch up.
  619.  
  620. She turns to face me, hands clasped in front of her. “Thank you, Hisao. For everything.”
  621. “You're welcome, Hanako. I'm glad to see you with so many friends.“
  622. She looks back at the girls walking down the sidewalk, all laughing and gossiping together. “Yeah. It's nice, isn't it?”
  623.  
  624. She gives me one last hug, this one tighter than any from before. “We'll meet up again with Lilly, plan something special.“
  625. “Of course.”
  626.  
  627. Just before she says goodbye, I halt her for a moment. “Can I ask one more favor?”
  628. “Wh-what is it?”
  629. I pluck the camera from around my neck and point it at her. “Can I get a picture?”
  630. “B-but you already did!” she says reluctantly.
  631. “I know, but I want one just of you.”
  632. “Wh-why?”
  633. “Something to remember with.“
  634.  
  635. Hanako turns away, gripping her hat as a shield. “H-hisao, come on, don't....”
  636. “Smile! Please?”
  637. “N-no, come on!”
  638. “Just a little picture?”
  639. “I d-don't want to!”
  640. “Please, please?”
  641. “Do I have to do this?“
  642. “Yes, you do.“
  643. “Well... okay, I guess. J-just... make sure it's a good one, okay?”
  644. “If it's of you, of course it will be. You always look great.“
  645. “H-Hisao, come on, stop it!”
  646. Flash.
  647.  
  648. ----------------------------------------
  649.  
  650. The last few days have been a hectic mess, last minute business getting in the way of the normal run of things. I've had more people come up to talk to me out of the blue than I have all year, people who I only met once before or have never spoken to seeking me out and saying goodbye like we were best friends. I don't mind it, it just seems strange that people I never paid much attention to or never paid me much mind have a desire to make sure they say goodbye to me and see me one more time before leaving. I guess it may just be nostalgia or people getting caught in the way of things, but it has been putting a lot of pressure on me in a short amount of time. It draws funny parallels between my first week at Yamaku and my last, rushing around, meeting new people, getting used to the unfamiliarity of it all, except instead of getting comfortable with being at a brand new school, I'm struggling to come to terms with the idea that soon I'll be gone and leaving everything I knew behind. I'm going to miss 3-3, the familiar halls, lunch on the rooftop and runs down at the track. I'm even going to miss my dorm room and schoolwork. Most especially, I'll miss the people I've met at Yamaku, teachers and fellow students alike.
  651.  
  652. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself not having to wear my uniform almost every day. I'm going to feel naked without it.
  653.  
  654. I don't like it, this feeling of losing things. To most people it would just be a normal transition in life, but for me this is far more important than just a change of locale and the completion of my basic education. This is a life changing experience, a transition that shakes me to my core. It's awful, I'm reliving all the things I did when I had my first heart attack and was sent to Yamaku for my condition. I'm going through all the things I did while in the hospital, losing all those friends and contacts one at a time, except this time around it's with the horrible knowledge of what's happenning through forsight!
  655.  
  656. My heart is the same. I've gotten better at controlling my condition, but it isn't any different than back then. I find myself doubting whether I'm ready, not just mentally, but physically. I'm not going to get check ups every day after a run anymore, I won't have a ready staff to see to me if an accident takes place or have my medication handled for me. Yamaku was about giving people like me freedom but keeping a safety net for them in place just in case they needed it. Now that net is being taken away all at once and I feel a little apprehensive about it. The hustle and bustle of the last few days hasn't helped me to catch my breath either, leaving me in a rushed, dazed state, confused about where I should go next. The added stress of university and moving home hasn't helped me at all either.
  657.  
  658. I need to find a place where I can get my bearings, set myself back to zero so I can handle all of these new things.
  659.  
  660. I have a suspicion though that I'm not the only one who would like the chance to relax and unwind and I need to take the time to be there for that person.
  661.  
  662. The hall is empty, everyone off doing their own preparations or seizing the day while I find a nice, comfortable spot to set myself at ease at least for a little while. I stop in front of the door before taking a breath and knocking a few times.
  663.  
  664. No one answers.
  665.  
  666. Good, I was hoping I would get here first.
  667.  
  668. I enter, shutting the door behind me. I have a bag of supplies I brought along and I quickly set about a few mundane tasks, setting some tea on the portable burner, putting some plates out and laying a few things I brought, a couple wrapped sandwiches, some cookies I take out of packages and spread out on the plate and a few other sweets to go along with them, a light lunch for two people. Soon the tea is ready and I start pouring it just in the nick of time as a trio of gentle, measured taps come from the door.
  669.  
  670. I call for the person to enter as I take my seat.
  671.  
  672. The door opens slowly, Lilly entering with her cane tapping at the door frame as she walks in. “Good afternoon, Hisao. I was wondering if you had arrived yet.”
  673. “Hello, Lilly. I'm glad you could make it.”
  674. She gives me a charming smile. “Of course. We haven't had the chance to sit and talk for a while with everything happening, I'm glad for the opportunity. Honestly, I was surprised when you approached me to make sure I could join you today.“
  675. "I'm sorry if it's interfering with any of your class responsibilities."
  676. She waves my concern away casually. "Please, don't be. I'm glad for the chance to get away for a moment." She smiles in a very grateful, sweet way. "I always have the time for you."
  677.  
  678. I feel myself blush a little.
  679.  
  680. She shuts the door behind her and I detect the nearly invisible movement of her nose as she tests the air. “Thank you for making the tea before I arrived.”
  681. “Not a problem. I also brought us something to eat if you're hungry.“
  682. “Did you? My, you seem to have thought of everything and left nothing for me to do. In truth, I am rather famished, so thank you.“
  683. “Of course.”
  684.  
  685. Lilly sits at her familiar spot while I pour a cup of tea for her, sliding it along the table top and placing it centered in front of her. The practiced rhythm of our movements is an easy tell and she doesn't hesitate taking the cup in her slim fingers, testing it's warmth and finding it exactly to her liking. The sun glints in through the window, casting a bright shade around her as she sips, her posture as if she had been waiting in that same pose for hours instead of just sitting down after a busy day. Other than the objects on the table, she looks almost the exact way she did when I first stumbled into this room my first week at Yamaku and found myself mystified by the pretty girl sitting in the sun with a cup of tea.
  686.  
  687. How she does that, I'm not sure, and I'm a little intimidated to ask, afraid to break the magic secret.
  688.  
  689. She turns towards me with a small smile on her face. “Thank you, Hisao. It tastes lovely today. You've become very proficient at brewing tea.“
  690. “I've had a lot of practice. If the teaching job doesn't pan out, I could always open a tea house, maybe something in the country.“
  691. “That sounds lovely. Would it be traditionel or a more modern establishment?"
  692. "I'm thinking traditionel, it is away from the city after all. Just a little place with a garden out in the back."
  693. "I think you would make a most excellent hostess.“
  694. I chuckle and hang my head slightly. “Thanks, I think. How have you been? I'm glad you could join me.“
  695. “I've been well. I'm glad for the chance to catch up, I wouldn't miss it for the world.“
  696. “I had thought you wanted to take a break from school business. I thought this would be a good opportunity.“
  697. She flinches only slightly, hiding it behind a sip of tea. “Was I so obvious?”
  698. “The last time we spoke you seemed to be fishing for an excuse to get away with me. I thought we could spend some time together before things get too busy for the both of us.“
  699.  
  700. Lilly and I haven't seen much of each other the last few days, busy as we've been with prepping for our departure from Yamaku. Between last minute schoolwork, her duties as Class Representative and both of us packing, we haven't done much together, so it's nice to steal away a few minutes with each other between tasks. I'm especially pleased I'm able to be the one to set up this little moment for the two of us. The last time we had a brief run in, I sensed she was a little stressed about the way things were going and I'm glad I could be there to help alleviate it for her. I need the same chance and the only better thing than getting a moment to unwind is having it together with one another.
  701.  
  702. Lilly hesitates for a moment, a second of unsurity on her face before she releases a long sigh and reaches across the table with her free hand. I instictivly take it into my own and she grips my fingers a little more tightly than normal, tenderly squeezing my knuckles between her fingertips. "Thank you very much, Hisao. The school year ending has made things rather hectic, we haven't had any time alone to talk or see each other. Between my duties and finalizing things with the Student Council, it's been very trying. On top of that, many of my classmates have asked for help with English before final exams are complete."
  703. "I know the feeling. I made a lot of new friends when people learned that I was pretty good at science and wanted to become a teacher."
  704. "Have they used that as an excuse to guilt you into helping them like they have for me?"
  705. "Misha called it a valuable learning experiance, but I think she just wanted me to fill her test out for her."
  706.  
  707. Lilly lets out a slight giggle. "It seems we've both become very popular with our respective classes recently. Try not to let it go to your head."
  708. "I'll give it my best, but I kind of wish I was this popular earlier in the year so I could make some use of it. Now it seems to be wasted since we'll be leaving soon."
  709.  
  710. Lilly gives a long sigh. "Yes, we will, won't we?"
  711. I give it a moment before pursuing that particular avenue of discussion. "How are you handling things? Leaving Yamaku can't be any easier for you than it is for me. You've been here longer, you have more attachments than I do."
  712.  
  713. She nods, sipping again at her tea while I take the same opprotunity. With her delicate fingers searching out, she takes one of the sandwiches I brought, unwrapping it and begins nibbling, I following her movements identically. "Yes, it hasn't been easy the last few weeks. There are many people I would like to say goodbye to, not just friends in my class, people I've become close to who I will dearly miss. I imagine I've become accustomed to it, though; I went through the very same thing when I left junior school and it isn't as if I haven't moved from place to place several times before. It's difficult to adjust at first, but I adapt quickly, I've had to. This is a very different feeling, though. I've never gone through something like this, such a large change. I've always had...."
  714.  
  715. I remain silent, wondering if she'll continue. When she doesn't, I feel the need to fill the air between us. "It's because Akira isn't here, isn't it? When you moved from school to school, when you went from one house to another, she was always there with you. It was all right to accept those changes if she was there, if you had your family."
  716.  
  717. Lilly puts her food on her plate, folding her hands together in her lap. "Yes," she says simply. "I've never done something like this on my own before. I know what I'm going to do next, I always have, it's just that now that the step is here, I'm not sure how to take it. Even after... my parents left, I had someone like Akira to be there with me. I had... someone who was still at home waiting for me." She seems to compose herself, putting on a more dignified air to mask her doubt.
  718.  
  719. I reach over and tap the table with my fingers. "You have me now, Lilly. We're both there for each other. I'm nervous too, but I know as long as I have you, I don't have to be worried about the future. We'll find a way through it together and soon we'll settle back into a new comfortable schedule. Before you know it, it'll be like it was before, just a different way of things."
  720.  
  721. She finds my hand from the sound and we clasp grips tightly. She nods firmly and smiles again, wiping the frown appearing in her eyes and the worry lines on her brow away. "Yes, you are right. You are here and I'm here too. I have to remember that now. I'm not alone anymore."
  722. "I'll keep my promise to you; as long as I'm able, I'll make sure you're never alone again."
  723. She half grimaces, half smiles at me, but her eyes look like panes of glass about to crack. "Thank you," she quietly mouths.
  724.  
  725. She quickly rallies, replacing her outward appearence again, retaining her normal stoic stance. "Considering time is short, I imagine this is a discussion we should have had sooner rather than later."
  726. "Won't Shizune be surprised?" I say with the intention of lightening the mood.
  727. She puffs her cheecks, but I can tell her expression is equal parts flustered and annoyed. "I'd prefer not to talk about Shizune right now. She has been putting me through a very dire trial with the year ending. I think she is using every last moment she has to annoy me."
  728. "All right, that's fair. What discussion should we be having then?"
  729. Lilly fidgets only slightly, her hand nervously tensing around mine for a moment. "Well, we should talk about what happens next, I imagine."
  730. "About...?"
  731. "...Us."
  732.  
  733. I'm a little surprised by her topic of choice. "I didn't think there was much to talk about."
  734. She becomes slightly annoyed at my obtuse nature. "There is, Hisao. We'll be graduating soon. We'll be moving out of the dorms. You have given some thought to this, haven't you?"
  735.  
  736. I scratch the back of my head. "Well, yeah. I guess maybe not as much as I should."
  737. Lilly gets a concerned, pensive look to her face. "These are things we should figure out before we graduate, Hisao. It's very important. If we plan on attending University together, we need to make sure we apply to a school we both have a chance of being accepted at. Have you made any appointments with the workers at Yamaku for that?"
  738. "Um, well...."
  739. "You have applied to University, haven't you?"
  740. "Well, of course, I just have some extra paperwork to fill out."
  741. "You should hurry with that. Time is running out and I want us to make sure we attend the same University so we can match our classes."
  742. I feel like I'm being scolded by Mutou over schooling or worse, my own mother. "Yes, I understand, I'll get right to it. I've been a little busy, that's all, but I'll make sure I have everything set in order before it's too late."
  743. "See that you do." She gets a little pout which I think is only half on purpose. "I would hate for you to be a year behind me. I'd be dating a junior."
  744.  
  745. I laugh at both her expression and insinuation. "That might be a mark against you, but it would be a bonus for me. I'd be dating a senior, after all. Think of how impressed all my classmates will be?"
  746.  
  747. Her disapproval is only slightly outmatched by her amusement at my comment. Eventually a girlish giggle wins out and I feel a bit of a victory for myself.
  748.  
  749. Lilly and I continue to eat in between our spouts of conversation, neither eager to get lunch over with or leave each other's company. The silences are companionable and pleasent, having just as much meaning to her and I as the topics we're discussing. It's one of the things I love most about spending time with Lilly; we can go a whole afternoon not saying a word and I feel like it was a day well spent. Often times she tells me she feels the very same about our moments together, so I'm glad we can share something so simple but special with one another. It's a bit of a relief to me that I don't need to keep thinking of things for her and I to do, activities for the two of us to participate in. Dates between us are rather few and far between. I think we both prefer a quite night reading together in one of our dorms or some tea with one another than going out on the town or stopping by a restraunt. Not that we don't do that together every so often, but it isn't a common occurance. With Lilly being blind and my own condition, some of the more mundane date idea like a movie or going for a hike are out of the question. I count myself lucky since I have to admit I am not all that imaginative when it comes to social planning. I think we both have a fondness for the simple pleasures and just being in the others company. I think that's an important part of a relationship. If you're constantly doing things with someone, the moments of silence and bordom become unbearable. "We really are a couple of old fools."
  750.  
  751. Lilly stops in mid sip of tea. "Pardon?"
  752. "It's just I was thinking about us; how we are and the things we enjoy together. We're not even twenty and you and I are like an old married couple."
  753.  
  754. Lilly holds her tea cup mid motion, but her face blossoms into a bright red flourish at my words and her mouth does a little quivering thing I've never seen before. Her hand gets a little unsteady, her teacup clicking and clattering against the plate she sets it on, her eyes a little wider than normal.
  755.  
  756. What I take to be a bashful, flustered panic attack soon passes and she firmly sets the cup down, covering her emberessment by dabbing her lips with a hastily cltched napkin. "I... guess we are, in some ways."
  757. "Is that bad?"
  758. She shakes her head strongly, her hair glistening with the motion. "I don't think it is. In fact, I rather like the idea."
  759.  
  760. We're both silent, both a little too touched by the area our words took us.
  761.  
  762. "So, I guess, well... if we plan on going to University together, we'll need... someplace to stay."
  763.  
  764. Lilly has her face set firmly down towards the table. "I imagine we will."
  765.  
  766. Not the best segue, but it's all I could think of. "I recently talked to my parents. The offer still stands if you're interested. I mean, if you're interested in... moving in with us. I was planning on going back, but if you wanted, I guess we could find someplace. The schools we've been looking at have a lot of options nearby, we could stay at an apartment together."
  767.  
  768. Going from very still to slightly surprised, Lilly turns to face me more. "Do you really mean that?"
  769. "Well, of course! I mean, uh... we'd have to figure something out. Together. We could find an apartment, I guess, one we could afford while we go to school. Something near the University."
  770. "We would both have to get jobs to afford that."
  771. "Yeah, we would. I'm sure we could find something for both of us. If we got an apartment, it would have to be nearby and something that fits both of our needs. You've done a lot of moving around, so I guess you know better than I do what it is to look for."
  772.  
  773. Lilly smiles, the expression grateful for my veiled compliment. "I used to live in a large house with my parents, then Akira and I spent time living with Shizune before we moved into a smaller home just for the two of us. When I moved to Yamaku's dorms, I had my room here and I was accustomed to Akira's apartment enough to feel comfortable there. I even know the summer house in Hokkaido well enough. I've done quite a bit of moving from place to place."
  774. "Was that hard? I imagine it wasn't easy getting used to new suroundings so often."
  775. "It had it's difficulties, but it wasn't a trial every time. I lived with my parents for many years and it wasn't hard to move to a smaller house. Akira was fairly neat so long as I kept reminding her to clean up after herself, so there was no difficulty there. Of course Yamaku was no trouble at all. I won't have any difficulty, you don't need to be concerned about that. I am anything if adaptable."
  776. "You certainly are," I say with confidence.
  777. She only nods in gratitude.
  778.  
  779. "I guess the choice is yours, Lilly," I say after a moment's thought. "Would you rather find someplace new or would you be okay with moving into my parent's home?"
  780. "You... don't think it would be too much of a nuisance, would you?"
  781. "Honestly? Not at all. My father was the one who made the offer for us. We can stay there for a little while at least while we start classes. We can get a part time jobs, save up some money for when we decide to get our own place. Between scholarships from Yamaku and the money my parents invested for my education, I'm already a good way towards paying for my schooling."
  782.  
  783. The big issue is paying for my costs, not Lilly's. We're both getting scholorships from Yamaku for University and they seem to work close with many of the schools that their students decide on attending. Honestly, when I said I was going to learn science, I thought the counselor was going to pull a briefcase of cash out of his desk and give it to me with how his eyes lit up when he learned I wanted to teach. I have no doubt the same was true for Lilly, but Lilly doesn't have to worry as much about money as I do. I bet she wouldn't even need to apply for scholarships like most of us. She's never spoken about it outright or brought attention to it, but with how weathy I think her family is, she isn't going to have to be worried about cash flow anytime soon. If she wanted, she could easily afford a place of her own and I bet it would be a lot nicer than some dingy apartment she shares the rent with her boyfriend and his part time job income or a made up guest room at my parent's house. The turth is, and I feel bad just thinking about it, Lilly could do a lot better than anything I can offer her.
  784.  
  785. Lilly takes a long time, thinking very carefully about what to say next, not from the varied amount of responses she could give or the difficulty of the topic, but more so the delicate nature of the very question. "You don't think your parents would mind?"
  786.  
  787. "I said my father was the one who suggested it to us."
  788. "What about... your mother?"
  789.  
  790. That's an entirely different topic.
  791.  
  792. "Well, we did talk. Dad is realy excited for me to be home and he would like the chance to get to know you better."
  793. Lilly purses her lips and looks a bit cross. "You're changing the subject...."
  794. "Yeah, I know. I guess I am."
  795. "What does your mother think of me moving in, Hisao?"
  796. I know better than to try and lie to Lilly, so the best I can do is try and alleviate any of her worries. "I'll be honest, she didn't sound too pleased when I brought it up. Dad hadn't even mentioned it to her, so my bringing it up was a bit of a shock."
  797.  
  798. I don't like the look crossing Lilly's face, so I try and stop it before whatever it is she's thinking can take root. "She isn't opposed to it, don't misunderstand. She just doesn't like change, especially when it's about me."
  799. "I don't think she really cares for me at all, Hisao."
  800. "Lilly, she wouldn't like anyone I was dating. She's too protective, you know that. It only got worse after my heart attack, it isn't anything personel. This isn't about what they want, it's what's best for the two of us, what we think is best for us. If you think we're ready to go out on our own, I'm with you. If you think we should take some more time before we decide to be totally independent then I support that too. I just want what's best for us and that's us sticking together, whatever it is we decide on."
  801.  
  802. Lilly ponders my words a very long time. The wisest thing would to to rely on my parents for just a short period so we can prepare ourselves for the life ahead of us, but I know Lilly doesn't like having to rely on others. She values her independence too much to allow herself to be beholden to another but since she and I have dated she's become more open to the idea that sometimes it's all right to accept a helping hand or to open up when you need a little assistance. Even if it's something as major as a place to live or as minor as opening up about how stressed the last few days have been, I want her to understand that I'm willing to take on whatever she needs me to to keep her feeling safe and happy. I know she's been a strong foundation for me since we met and I desperately want to return all the feelings of security she's given to me.
  803.  
  804. Lilly seems to come to some conclusion, because she nods with a sense of finality. "You're right, Hisao. It doesn't matter what we do, because I know we'll be doing it together. I think it would be wise if we... did slow down a little and take your parent's up on their offer. It will give us the chance save some money and focus on our education and work. In the mean time, perhaps I'll get to know your parents better and settle some of your mother's concerns if we become better acquainted."
  805.  
  806. I'm happy she came to that choice, not just for the simplicity of it. I do want my parents to know Lilly better and I know they'll come to love her if they have the chance to know her the way I do.
  807.  
  808. I take Lilly's offered hand tightly in my own. "Thanks, Lilly. You'll see, it'll be better this way. I can't wait."
  809. She catches my excitement with her own pleased smile. "Neither can I."
  810.  
  811. I lean back, glad for the conversation to have taken a lighter tone. "I really don't think it will be all that awkward for you to move in. Honestly, my parents may be a pain and emberessing at times, but they've always given me space. I have to admit, I relied on them for a lot when I was younger, but I always had an independent streak they respected. With their jobs, they're almost always away, so we'll pretty much have free reign of the house most days."
  812. "Will we now? Well, that is most fortunate."
  813. "It'll be good practice for when we have our own place. Play house a little."
  814. Lilly blushes. "I look forward to it. I'm eager to learn more about them and where you grew up. You don't talk about yourself very often."
  815. "Well, there isn't much to mention. I'm sure it'll come up though, I want the chance to show you off to all my old friends back home."
  816. Lilly giggles slightly. "I look forward to the opprotunity."
  817.  
  818. I take a moment to ingrain the look of her before me, her smile and the glint in her eyes, the way her hair falls on her shoulder and the feel of her hand in my own. I don't feel like the same person I did a short time ago when I felt so lost and confused about where life was taking me. Yamaku was some frightening, scary prison where people sent society's mistakes to stay out of the light, out of sight, out of mind. When I was told that I would be sent to a school for disabled people, I was angry that people told me that it was an opportunity that I should take advantage of. Almost as if I was being berated for not imagining the way my life was being disolved was for my own good, like my heart attack was the best thing that could ever have happend to me. Thinking of it all, everything that has taken place in my life since then, the idea of all that pain and uncertainty leading me here at first didn't seem worth all the suffering, but when I look at Lilly all those things seem so unimportant. I don't mind the fear, losing my old school, my old friends, the girl who I was supposed to fall in love with. I have a new school which I'll be leaving soon, new friends who I'll work harder to stay in touch with and a new person in my life who I love and who I wouldn't trade for anything, even if I could get back all those old things. Life can come too fast, it can be a pain and a frightening experiance. Moving from place to place in life can be trying, but it's a learning experiance and you have to hold out hope that even if you leave the old behind, the new will be better. You have to trust in that otherwise you'll never move on.
  819.  
  820. The only thing better than moving on is having someone there to do it with you. Life isn't just about pretending to be adults, eventually you have to make the choice to be one. It isn't easy and most of the time it isn't fun, but that's all part of the path we take. The thing of it is, though, all of those tough choices get a lot easier if you have someone you can rely on when you make them. It can be difficult to trust that person, but everything in life is, so that's nothing new. You just have to be willing to give yourself to them totally and trust that they'll return the favor. Nothing I've done recently would be possible without Lilly. Through her I've found love, happiness, my future and healed all my old scars. The only thing I can hope for in this life is that I'll be able to return to her some of what she has given to me.
  821.  
  822. "I'm really excited," I tell her.
  823. She smiles, taking a deep breath as she does. "I think I am too. A little unsure, but excited."
  824. "That's just the way things are. You never know what's coming next, no one does. It's just important not to let that stop you or make you pause."
  825. "It's always easier when you have someone there to face it with, isn't it?"
  826. "You know what? I was just thinking the same thing."
  827. "That is one of the things I like most about you, Hisao. How intellegent and wise you are."
  828. I grin at her self-aggrandizing. "It took me a while, but I got there eventually."
  829. "It took both of us trying before we got it right."
  830. "Well, it's worked out so far for us so I guess we should keep going. We seem to be on a roll."
  831. "If you insist. Always forward."
  832.  
  833. I take the camera from around my neck. "Can I ask a favor?"
  834. "For you? Anything."
  835. "I want you to smile."
  836. "Oh? Whatever for?"
  837. "It's a surprise. And I like it when you smile. Smile for me."
  838. "And what, pray tell, am I smiling for?"
  839. "I want to see the look on your face when you and I start our life together. Not this, not Yamaku. This was just a practice run. Pretty soon we won't be a couple children pretending to be adults. Once we leave Yamaku we're on our own. I want to remember these last few moments we have as children together."
  840. Lilly smiles very broadly, her cheeks flourishing red and something touched but delighted in her eyes.
  841. Flash.
  842. The camera clicks. "Hisao, what was that?"
  843. "I took a picture of you."
  844. "Oh, Hisao! You need to give me time to prepare. I wasn't ready for you."
  845. I etch her smile into my memory and sigh. "Neither was I."
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