Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel "Glum Fortune"

   The acrid smell of eridium fumes stings your nostrils. You would think that after two months on Elpis you would be used to it by now, however the stench only seemed to worsen day by day.  Your cheap Oz kit did nothing to mask the scent, thankfully your temporary home provided solace from the smell. To call it a home however was a bit of an exaggeration. For all intents and purposes it was moonshot container retrofitted with an airlock, although you didn’t mind the small living space it would be nice to have a few more basic commodities. A wire frame bed, shelf, and echo device was all you had. You came to Elpis in hopes of landing a job as a moonstone miner, as the Helios laser the lost legion used had forced the precious mineral closer to the surface of the frigid satellite.  So you took a chance and bought a ticket with your remaining funds in hopes of striking it rich, however as soon as the rocket landed you realized what a mistake you made. Elpis was freezing and you had hoped the lack of atmosphere would mean dangerous flora and fauna would be non-existent. That was not the case as the life had taken an even more strange and hostile evolutionary step. From the skag-like Kraggons and organic dirigible Shugguraths, wild life here had turned out to be just as hostile as on Pandora.

   That was not even the worst of it, as it turned out the moonstones turned out to be far less plentiful than echo net gossip had suggested. You where lucky to find three to four in a day, you barely had enough to support your own needs much less make a profit. Now you had always been good at fixing things since everything you ever had was second hand or extremely cheap. This had proven to be quite useful and potentially life saving, as the resident malcontents nicknamed “scavs” would have long robbed and killed you if not for your tinkering. Scavs not being the brightest of people often needed their equipment repaired and you would be happy to oblige for a small fee of course. Whether it was re aligning the digistruct module on their moon zoomy stations or patching up holes in their space suits they always had a job for you. Not to mention the fact that since gravity was much weaker on Elpis you feared you would be much weaker when you went back to Pandora, that is IF you could ever afford to go back.

   Another day spent mining the caverns for moonstones, you power down the battered Tediore mining laser and observe your haul. Five moonstones, enough to pay for this months Echo net connection and food for the week. You deposit the stones in your jansport and clamber out of the cavern, only to be greeted with the gaping vault excavation site and the perminate stench of Eridium run-off. You think of all the things in that vault you could swindle for a nifty price, but snap yourself out of such foolish thoughts. It would be far too dangerous, what with all the lost legion remnants and Guardians.

Guardians.

   These strange aliens have fascinated you ever since you came to Eplis, you had heard stories of the Crimson Lance fighting these things left behind by an ancient race to defend the vaults. From what you gathered they were nothing more than glorified robots designed by the Eridians. You never expected to see them in person but here on Elpis they prowled the area around the Vault. Truly foreign beings standing at around two meters tall, almost skeletal in appearance. They were fully covered in bone like plates with intricate designs. The smaller ones seemed to have white masks designed to imitate the human face, the only thing you could compare it to was a china doll. The uncanny androgyny and the simple fact of seeing a human face on such an alien body was unnerving.

   Still you had to live with them, giving them a wide berth was essential as you had seen what they could do to armed scavs and did not want to suffer a similar fate. You headed towards the fast travel station, keeping an eye on the emancipated automatons. They marched back and forth, on constant alert for those who would defile the contents of the vault. As you trudged towards the fast travel station a few members of the snick-it club waved as they sent another ball sailing over the horizon. You never really got into crazy moon sports but they seemed nice enough so you waved back.  Arriving at the fast travel you input coordinates for Concordia, the largest settlement on Elpis. Although that wasn't saying much. It was a ghost town since most people had left in fear of the Helios laser and Lost Legion. Still you could buy food supplies for a cheap price and the Up-Over bar was usually pretty lively. You went to deposit the moonstones to your client. You had no idea how Crazy Earl could afford to pay you so often as he seemed to never leave his hovel. You couldn't complain. He paid good money, even if he was a little unhinged he seemed like a stand up guy.

   After your transaction with Earl you head off to the general store to stock up on supplies. You decide to treat yourself to a Skag steak digistructed from Helios. It was more expensive than Tork scratchings but it doesn't taste like rubber either. It takes a while but the old digistruct pulls through without any of the “errors” you hear about.  You have always been slightly paranoid of fast travel stations after hearing stories of people losing limbs, so you are glad the meat is intact. As you head back to the fast travel station you realize that the highlight of your day has been buying some canned meat, you feel rather drained suddenly and want nothing more than to go to bed. On your trudge home as you inhale the fetor of eridium you wonder why you ever left Pandora for this. You overlook a sheer cliff face and let out a sigh of relief.  The metal box you call a home greets you. Almost home, away from all this depressing mining. You step over a cracked methane geyser, as your foot snags on a jutting shard of ice. You manage to steady yourself by flailing your arms avoiding a nasty fall. Suddenly something thumps against your jansport and pushes you over the edge, head over heels. You waft down in the most shameful of  ways. You are not likely to be seriously hurt due to the low gravity, the real pain comes with the shame. As you slowly tumble you see a group of scavs mocking and laughing at you with that insufferable moon accent. To be ridiculed by the same troglodytes that need your help to tie their shoes is embarrassing to say the least.

   Eventually you land face first in a puff of moon dust,  something donks you on the head and falls beside you.  You look at the bright red ball next to you and realize that you were just sent off the cliff by those guys at the Snick-It club. You get up and dust yourself off, you aren’t eager to find out how many points “knocking the plonker off the hill” is worth. The scavs may laugh but you still have enough dignity to  not be dragged into this godforsaken game. Thankfully you landed close to the moonshot container so at least it will save you the trouble of a long walk home. The door opens with a hiss as you step through the oxygen bubble. The Oz kit powers down and lets out a loud screech, unlike other Oz kits yours does not seem to have voice responses so it simply screams. You really should get a new one.  You pop on echo net radio as you take off your mining suit, you hear about low prices on tickets back to Pandora. You decide you have had enough, you want off of this cold and smelly rock. You lie down and think up a way to scrounge up cash for a ticket.

  At first you had considered getting a ticket to Helios and working there to get a ticket to Pandora but you remembered that it was closed to non-Hyperion staff due to the recent events. Scavenging parts wont do as the scavs picked this area clean long ago, and you don’t feel brave enough to try robbing them. Then it hits you, there is a vault you have been living next to for months. While originally you thought it was a stupid idea you realize that the eastern path the the mining site was a clear shot. No scavs, no wildlife, no Guardians. If you managed to get your hands on some kind of Eridian artifact you could flog it for a hefty price, more than enough for a ticket to Pandora and enough for a place to live too. Using your mining rappel you could lower yourself into the basterrel Eridium hole, as long as you aren't seen you could grab something and be out of there in a flash. You drift into sweet slumber, dreams of the warm Pandoran sun on your face.

   The echo alarm rustles you awake with its gruff Dahl Sergeant voice. This is the day, if everything goes right you could be on a rocket to Pandora by tomorrow. You brush your teeth with criprest and don your mining suit. Mining laser in one hand and your rappel in the other, you put on some funky moon tunes on your echo and head off. You find your “House” has been covered in scav graffiti, things like “tumble cunt” and “flying fag” but you don't care. They can stay on this wretched rock while you head home. It takes hours to get around to the eastern path to the old Dahl mining site but you are determined even as the smell of Eridium grows stronger. Soon you stand at the edge, the stench is now burning your eyes as the fumes rise from the putrid hole. You swear you wont ever be able to smell right ever again. You peer into the hole and are blown away, it must go at least a mile down. You can see hundreds of passage ways that lead off to god knows where, strangely enough you don't see any Guardians. It makes you uneasy, why would they guard the area outside the vault but not inside it? That’s besides the point, you need to focus on the task ahead. You setup the rappel line on the edge of the cavern, it digs into the ground and beeps signalling that it is firmly in place. You toss the other end down the hole and wait for the line to straighten out. You attach your harness to the line and stand at the edge of the hole. The purple fumes wafting up like a putrid  fog, you suddenly feel if you where to jump in the smell would make you pass out. You don't want to get woken up by one of those Guardians that’s for sure, no you have come this far and you have to take a risk.

You jump.

  The feculent scent is too much and you almost wretch, thankfully you hold off the urge. Cleaning vomit out of your suit is not something that you would enjoy. After about ten seconds sliding down the wire your Oz kit screeches and the air bubble dissipates. You panic, the damn piece of shit finally broke. This is the is the end, you are going to die in a purple hole hanging on a rope in some shitty suit. You are dying, soon your eyes will pop out of your head and you will be done for. Five seconds, ten, twenty seconds pass, nothing happens. You realize that the Oz kit isn't broken, the vault has a breathable atmosphere! Since the air is safe to breath take off your helmet. You take a deep breath and revel in the rich scent. Instead of the foul urine smelling fumes the air is damp. You feel more alive than you ever have, oxygen levels must be higher here.

   You eventually reach the platform where the other end of your rappel wire landed. Thankfully it did not fall into one of the methane pools down below. Landing on soft snow you detach the wire harness and look around. Abandoned tents and Dahl barricades adorn this area, probably left over from the lost legion occupation. Exploring this little camp you find that everything has been looted or moved, you notice the passage way into a large atrium area. The walls shimmer as purple light bounces from surface to surface. The closest thing you can compare this material to is glass, however it seems far more sturdy. There are four structures at the end of the room covered in violet lights, you can only guess they might be some sort of power generator or conductor. You notice the far end of the room has a door, so you head over. As you near the door shifts, and folds open, you decide not to rack your brain by trying to figure out how it works. You see a pedestal at the end of the room, lights illuminating it. This whole situation reminds of of an old echo net flick so you are uneasy about investigating. After searching to floor for pressure pads or tripwires you slowly walk towards the pedestal, still on alert. There could be Guardians around and you don’t want to be caught off guard. The hexagonal pedestal opens up, the shimmering purple plates pull back, revealing artifacts inside. Looking inside you see a stone cube about the size of a Snick-It ball, it has glowing blue lines running along it. The other object is a gun, no doubt in your mind. An ornate looking thing, fragile as if it was carved from bone. A glassy Cobalt sphere adorns the center, a faint blue light emanating from inside.

  Now you aren't sure if it is even safe to touch these things, as you fear it might alert Guardians or spring a trap. You gently tap the cube and nothing happens, you put your hand over it and still nothing happens. Lifting the cube it is much heavier than you expected, you would guess about five kilograms. The gun however is much lighter than expected and a lot more sturdy. Thankfully you wouldn't be able to break it even if you tried, even if it did look like some sushi on a twig. You slip both the cube and the gun into your jansport and decide to leave, if you spend anymore time here you could be discovered. Attaching your harness you begin the ascent out of the hole, soon you can sell this alien crap and go home. Twenty seconds. In twenty seconds you will be out of this hole, on your way to a better life. You have heard of people selling pieces of Guardians for ludicrous amounts. You don’t want to get to excited however you can't help but think of the Hebrew maneuvers you could pull.

  The line shudders and goes limp, only a couple of meters away from the lip of the hole. You wish in that moment that you where dead, the moon ground could not support your weight and the line dislodged. You tumble back into the hole, as you slowly fall you have time to consider many things. Why are you so stupid? Why did you think this was a good idea? Why did you think Elpis was a good idea? Eventually you land, in some snow thankfully. Even with the lower gravity on Elpis such a large fall could still cause some damage. Standing up you take in your surroundings and see massive hovering platforms floating up, like some sort of alien elevator. They could take you to a cavern that might lead outside, the closest one was near the camp where you had originally touched down. It was only about fifty meters away, you could still get out of here. There was no need to get hysterical, nearing the camp however your heart almost stopped. A Guardian walked out of the atrium room you had been in just a few minutes ago. You dashed inside one of the abandoned Dahl tents, you could hide until it left. After a few minutes you decide to peek out to see if the murder machine had gone. Moving the flap slightly all you see is the Guardian turning its head towards you before you jump back.

  There is no where to go, the only exit is blocked by that damn alien. You back into the corner as the flap opens and you are face to face with a Guardian. Slowly the thing raises the tent flap and steps inside, instead of the human like face you are greeted by a black visor and mandibles. This one seems larger than the ones you have seen, instead of being purple its shell is white. You raise your arms, its the only thing you can do. You don’t have any weapons, you cant fight. You don't want to die, you take off your jansport and throw it to the ground. The Guardian seems uninterested in the backpack as it grabs you with that skeletal arm. Its long slender fingers grab you by the neck, they dig into the skin, they are not fragile tools for holding things. You know that it could rip your trachea out easily, so you don’t struggle. You go limp, you are dead, it will drop you and leave you there if you are dead.

It Does.

You fall the the ground and try not to cough, you don’t even try to breath. If you are dead it will leave, the Guardian drops its lance on the ground and steps over you. It falls to its knees, its legs to your sides. You are ready to feel it rip your head off or crush your skull but the pain never comes. It sits on you, legs apart practically straddling your dead body. You are dead so this is pointless, it should leave. It is heavy however it is not as heavy as you thought it would be. You feel its lanky fingers grip your face as it squeezes your cheeks, the bony phalanges digging into your skin.  You do everything to not cry out in pain but the pressure is too much. You let out a muffled yelp and it lets go of your face. You messed up, it knows you aren't dead, now your real death comes. The Guardian grabs your suit and pokes at you, it seems to be trying to find away to get the suit off. A horrible thought dons on you that you may become a test subject in some horrific alien lab. It however soon seems to get bored and grabs your arm, roughly jerking your hand towards it, you feel its stiff fingers run across your hand in a surprisingly tender way and that makes you shudder. It spreads your fingers and interlocks its own hand with yours, it doesn't hurt but you suddenly realize.

This thing is going to fucking rape you.

  So this is how you die huh? You never fancied dicks but now you are going to die with an alien cock in your ass. What a way to go eh? Why else would it be so gentle with you, rubbing your hands and straddling you. You always knew that strange segmented shell on the front of it had a purpose, so you look and are surprised to see nothing beneath it. It is hollow, just a shell. In fact you hadnt really gotten a look at your assailant but as you did more things started to fall into place. Lithe frame, small waist, thick thighs. Your hands still interlocked with the Guardians you realize it might be female. That’s stupid, it was an alien robot made by other aliens to protect the vault. Why would it have a gender? You realize those thoughts aren’t important as the Guardian is rocking its hips back and forth, literally straddling you. It is looking at you, even if you cant see any eyes you know its gaze is upon you. Staring into that insectoid face its mandibles quiver as it moves back and forth faster. You feel a damp sensation in your pants, looking down you see that you are soaked. The faster and faster the Guardian rocks back and forth the wetter and warmer it becomes. As the alien humps your brains out you cant stand it. The constant tease, confined to your pants. You become erect, your member pressing against the damp underwear. The Guardian stops and looks down, seeing the bulge in your pants it moves back. It unlocks its hands from yours and brings them over your cock still constrained in your pants. It slides one of its slender fingers across the top ever so gently, causing you to twitch. The eridian, pulls on your pants but cannot get them down. Slowly you move your hands and undo the belt, no protest from the Guardian. Pulling down your pants and undergarments reveals your member wet from the alien fluid.

  The Guardian grabs your cock, enticing a twitch from you. It raises itself over you and guides your penis underneath its “dress". It pushes your member up against a warm slit. The Guardian lowers itself and you moan as your cock penetrates it, the tight hole envelops your member and you feel hundreds of small nubs vibrate against your cock. Its like nothing you have ever felt before, the warmth and tightness alone surprise you but the vibrations are already driving you over the edge. The Guardian rears back and lets out a drawn out chittering, as it beings to trust against you. As she thumps against you the realization that you are fucking an alien in a vault passes over you but at this point you don't care. Every time you thrust into her, your glans are massaged by small vibrating nubs sliding across your cock covering it in warm fluid. You grab the Guardians thighs to find them surprisingly soft and thick, you dig your fingers into the warm lavender flesh as she rides you faster and faster. She grabs your shoulders as she trusts against you pushing her forehead against yours. The soft chittering is almost soothing as her mandibles twitch in ecstasy.  You cant stand it anymore as you feel a stir in the base of your cock. As the Guardian thrusts again and again, there is no holding back. With a moan you shoot deep into her as she pushes towards you as far as she can, the small nubs still coaxing your load out.  Your thick strands penetrating deep into the alien body. She collapses on top of you, shuddering and breathing heavily. You fall asleep in a pool of translucent violet fluid with the slender delicate being in your arms. Your dreams permiated with visions of vast knowledge and power hidden away in future vaults. Your hands still running along the body of a marvel of engineering, an aesthetic masterpiece given life to spread its beauty. To protect secrets until those worthy of receiving them are found.

Perhaps you might stay on Elpis a bit longer.