<p>Gamzee never asked to be in rehab. It only happened because his often-absent father happened to catch him when Gamzee was passed out on a cocktail of drugs and took him to the emergency room. When Gamzee came to, his father checked his minor child into an expensive psychiatric hospitals before leaving for other pressing business. For two weeks Gamzee suffered the most horrible symptoms of withdrawal. He cursed and cried and begged for heroin and alcohol to the point that he had to be restrained. However, when Gamzee was finally detoxed, he became complacent. It wasn’t a bad place, really. He had a private room with a nice view and the food was delicious. Though he hadn’t chosen to be there, he felt it was where he was supposed to be. He wasn’t sure he wanted to permanently kick, he still acted the good patient.</p>
<br>
<p>That was until another patient insulted the Dark Carnival. Gamzee was in the cafeteria eating and he casually mentioned to the patient that he hoped he would get his face paints back soon. The patient asked if Gamzee was a juggalo and Gamzee went on about the Dark Carnival when the patient interrupted him to inform him that Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope invented it as a gimmick and Gamzee just went mad. Though it wasn’t the first time someone had mocked him for being a juggalo, there was something about the patient’s deadpan voice and dead red eyes that triggered Gamzee. He leaped across the table and punched the patient’s nose and then tried to strangle him before not one but two orderlies came and pulled him off. </p>
<br>
<p>That’s how Gamzee ended up restrained and isolated in a padded room. He thought it was unfair. It was the other guy who assaulted him with his words. Rude motherfucker deserved a beatdown. That’s how it would be on the outside. Gamzee quickly turned from loving the hospital to hating it. He wanted it to burn. He struggled against his restraints but he eventually stopped. He wasn’t so much as calm as he was tired.</p>
<br>
<p>It was They started talking to him. It wasn’t one of the “voices in your head” the shrinks always asked if Gamzee had.  This was grey words appearing on the white ceiling. Though Gamzee was experienced with hallucinations, he’d never had one sober and never in the form of such clear words. What miracle was this?</p><br>

<p>The first words read: <span class=caliborn>GAMZEE. WE NEED YOu. TO PLAY A GAME.</span></p>
<br>
<p>Gamzee said loudly, “Who’s this motherfucker who be askin’ me for a game?”</p>
<br>
<p>The letters changed. <span class=caliborn>NO. NO. NO. STuPID CLOWN. DON’T TALK OuTLOuD.</span></p><br>

<p>Gamzee whispered, “Then how else is a motherfucker supposed to talk? I can’t sign without my signin’ noddles.”</p><br>

<p>Another set of letters appeared just a little to the right. <font face=“courier” color=“#929292”>i think it might be best if yoU think yoUr responses instead of saying them oUtloUd. we don’t want to draw attention.</span></p><br>

<p>Gamzee thought in responses: <i>Okay, I can be up thinkin’ for ya.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>GOOD. YOu OBEY WELL. YOu WILL DO WELL. IN OuR GAME.</span></p><br>

<p><i>I like myself some games. What’s the game?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>THE GAME IS. YOu OBEY ME. AND DO MY BIDDING. AND WE WILL RuLE THE uNIVERSE.</span></p><br>

<p>“Rule the entire motherfucker?!”</p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>SHuT UP. STuPID CLOWN. tumut.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Sorry.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>YES. THE WHOLE uNIVERSE. WHY RuLE ONLY PART OF THE uNIVERSE?</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>it will end Up being the entire Universe.</span></p><br>

<p><i>But how? No motherfucker’s even gotten hisself the entire Earth and they don’t need no spaceship to get all the planet.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>NO HuMAN MOTHERFuCKER. HAS BEEN AS POWERFuL. OR AS CLEVER. AS ME.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>i’m afraid it’s all too complicated to explain the plan now. we must limit oUrselves to only pieces of information Until we are ready to meet.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Can a brother at least get a name?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>i sUppose it woUld be rUde not to give one.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>THE ONLY NAME YOu NEED. IS LORD. I AM THE LORD OF TIME.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope> and i am the mUse of space, bUt i think it woUld be easier if yoU jUst called me calliope and my partner caliborn.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Are you motherfucker’s gods?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>YES.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>yoU coUld call Us that. we are qUite powerfUl. however, that woUld not be correct. we are cherUbs.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Like little angel babies?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>MORE LIKE ANGELS OF DEATH. DOuBLE DEATH.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Whooa not just death but double death?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>death is an intrinsic part of our natUre as Unpleasant as it might seem to hUmans who tend to fear death.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Actually, I think it’s kinda wicked cool being an angel of double death.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>SEE. SISTER. HE IS NOT A SQuISHY HuMAN. LIKE YOu WANT TO BE. HE IS MY DISCIPLE.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>he is not jUst yoUrs. we are both here to work with him.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>I AM NOT HERE. TO WORK WITH HIM. I WANT TO HAVE HIM. WORK FOR ME. I WANT. TO BEND HIM TO MY WILL. AND TAKE HIM.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>brother please! uwu</span></p><br>

<p>Gamzee was amazed. This was the first time anyone had ever fought to be with him and he was flattered if a bit flustered by this back and forth.</p><br>

<p><i>Don’t fight, bro and sis, I can be both your friends.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>I DON’T WANT TO BE. ANYTHING AS MERE. AS FRIENDS.</span></p><br>

<p><i>You want to be...lovers?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>CHERuBS DON’T HAVE “LOVERS”. WE WOULD BE HATERS.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>hmmmmm...</span></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>NO. NO. NO. NO. I MEAN. WE WOuLD BE HATERS. IF WE WERE GOING TO BE. IN ANY ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. WHICH WE ARE NOT. SINCE YOu ARE A HuMAN.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Yeaaah, I’m not interested in a ‘ship either. Just got dumped by a friend.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>oh, that’s too bad.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>WHY DID THEY REJECT YOu? DID THEY NOT FIND YOuR HAIR. CuDDLY ENOuGH?</span></p><br>

<p><i>Errrr....</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>NO. FORGET THE FOOLISH ROMANCE TALK. CLOWN BOY. WILL YOu PLAY THIS GAME?</span></p><br>

<p><i>I’m not sure if I want to play this game...</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>THERE IS NO OTHER GAME. FOR YOu TO PLAY. OTHER THAN TO GuESS. HOW STRONG THE HEROIN WILL BE. IN YOuR NEXT HIT. SHITTY SPOILER: IT WILL BE TOO STRONG. AND YOu WILL DIE. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.</span></p><br>

<p><i>I’m gonna die?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>that is only one eventUality.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>THERE IS ONLY ONE EVENTuALITY. IT IS ME. DESPITE MY “QuESTION MARKS”. I AM NOT ASKING YOu A QuESTION. YOu WILL PLAY THE GAME.</span></p><br>

<p>Gamzee sighed. <i>This is motherfuckin’ bullshit. Don’t see much reason out there to play or unplay this game.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>IF YOu PLAY THIS GAME. YOu WILL BE STRONG. NOT AS STRONG AS ME. OF COuRSE. BuT STRONGER THAN YOuR CuRRENT PuNY SELF. YOu WILL HAVE REVENGE. ON ALL THE *HATERS*. NO ONE WILL IGNORE YOu. OR PITY YOu. INSTEAD YOu CAN CALL ATTENTION. AND BE PITILESS. YOu WILL BE A BARD. FOR MY HOLY RAGE. YOu WILL BE PART OF SOMETHING. GREATER THAN YOuR PuNY SELF. </span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>and hopefUlly yoU will grow as a person doing it.</span></p><br>

<p><i>This noise sounds like an awesome responsibility...but I’m willin’ to honk it...if it’s important.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>FINALLY.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Can I get some bard garb?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>WHAT?</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>i coUld design something for yoU later.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>YES. THE WENCH WILL DO SOME WOMAN WORK. SHE WILL MAKE YOu A BARD GARMENT. THAT WILL MAKE IT CLEAR. THAT YOu ARE A MAN OF POWER.</span></p><br>

<p><i>Bitchtits!</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>BuT FIRST. YOu MuST ESCAPE.</span></p><br>

<p><i>How?</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>HOW? JuST BREAK FREE OF THOSE SHODDY HuMAN RESTRAINTS. </span></p><br>

<p>Gamzee pulled at the restraints for the first time in a quarter hour. Nothing happened.</p><br>

<p><i>Sorry but nope, still ain’t got no soap.</i></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>WHAT? NO. YOu JuST PuNCHED A HuMAN SO HARD. THAT YOu BROKE HIS NOSE. YOu CAN GET FREE.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>bUt where woUld he go? if he got oUt of his restraints, he’d still be in a locked room. if he got oUt of the room, he’d be in a corridor fUll of orderlies.</span></p><br>

<p><span class=caliborn>NO. NO. THERE IS A PLAN. YOu JuST HAVEN’T THOuGHT OF IT YET. IDIOT SISTER. BuT I WON’T SPOIL IT. tumut</span></p><br>

<p><span class=calliope>i think yoU shoUld sit tight for now bUt i can help yoU by telling yoU what yoU shoUld say. i’m afraid my brother will be no help there.</span></p><br>

<p>So Gamzee did sit tight. Eventually he was released from his restraints but he read Calliope’s words floating in front of him and didn’t make a break for it. Calliope’s words told him how to apologize to his blaspheming victim and though Gamzee didn’t want to apologize he felt better afterwards. Calliope’s words helped him through his days in therapy. Whenever he said the things Calliope prompted him to say, the shrinks’ faces lit up. Mostly Gamzee talked about how terrible his old man was even though Gamzee didn’t think his old man was that bad. Sure, the old man was sometimes violent with Gamzee but that didn’t happen often since the old man was often away on business. Still, the shrinks were traumatized. At night, as Gamzee looked up at the unfamiliar ceiling, Caliborn’s words visited him. His voice taught him about firearms and bombs. The voice also taught him how to masturbate. Gamzee had already learned that when he was ten but if the cherub wanted him to prepare “for the bitches” who was Gamzee to argue? </p><br>

<p>It was on the second week a therapist started to get suspicious. She brought it up in a solo session.</p><br>

<p>“Gamzee?” said Annabelle, “I’ve noticed when you answer people you often looking above their heads and move your eyes like you’re reading something. Could you tell me what that’s about?”</p><br>

<p>Gamzee’s eyes widen. He looked up above Annabelle’s head for the important grey text. Unfortunately, nothing was there.</p><br>

<p>“It’s...not anything to be about?” he replied.</p><br>

<p>“Gamzee, look into my eyes.” He looked into her grey eyes. “Though auditory hallucinations are more common, visual hallucinations are still a danger. Are you seeing anything that isn’t there?”</p><br>

<p>He shook his head and mournfully replied, “I ain’t seein’ nothin’.”</p><br>

<p>“Have you been seeing anything recently? Any messages?”</p><br>

<p>Oh no, he thought, she’s onto me. However, nobody answered his thought.</p><br>

<p>“Nope, my head has just been myself. Locked up without a key.”</p><br>

<p>“Has it always been that way?”</p><br>

<p>“I am completely all by my lonesome now. I can’t get myself out ever again.”</p><br>

<p>“This seems to trouble you. I know the voices and messages may seem friendly but they are dangerous.”</p><br>

<p>“The messages...”</p><br>

<p>“Yes.”</p><br>

<p>He took a deep breath. “I used to have the messages. Two motherfuckers givin’ the names Calliope and Caliborn. My sis was friendly and Caliborn was motherfuckin’ rude but they both gave their care. But I guess they left.”</p><br>

<p>“That’s good! It means you are recovering. The medicine we gave you is starting to take effect. Do you feel better?”</p><br>

<p>“I feel like I’ll have to get gatherin’ all the pieces of my life. I’ve been cut up all my life and they were going to rearrange me right. They had a purpose for me.”</p><br>

<p>“What was that purpose?”</p><br>

<p>Green text suddenly flashed above Annabelle’s head.</p><br>

<p><span class=felt>STRANGLE THE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!</span></p><br>

<p>“Huh?”</p><br>

<p>“You said Calliope and Caliborn had a purpose for you. What was that purpose?”</p><br>

<p><span class=felt>THIS IS YOUR LORD CALIBORN. I WANT YOU TO SHUT UP. AND STRANGLE THE BITCH. *RIGHT NOW*.</span></p><br>

<p>“You can’t be you, you ain’t doin’ the U thing.”</p><br>

<p>“Which thing is that?”</p><br>

<p><span class=felt>THE U THING WAS STUPID. CAPS LOCK FOREVER.</span></p><br>

<p>“And you aren’t grey.”</p><br>

<p>“My hair has never been grey. Are you thinking of Susan? I’m Annabelle.”</p><br>

<p><span class=felt>I STOLE THE GREEN. FROM MY SISTER. HOW CAN I PROVE I’M CALIBORN? I LIKE COTTON CANDY. THERE. IS THAT PROOF?</span></p><br>

<p>Annabelle continued, “Gamzee, do you know who I am?”</p><br>

<p><span class=felt>SHE’S A MEDDLING BITCH. STOP TALKING TO HER. STOP HER NOISE-MAKING. STRANGLE HER.</span></p><br>

<p>Gamzee grabbed his head. “I CAN’T I CAN’T I CAN’T!”</p><br>

<p>“Just take a deep breath.”</p><br>

<p><span class=felt>YOU MUST. I AM YOUR LORD AND MASTER. YOU WILL RUIN ALL OUR PLANS. IF YOU DON’T KILL HER. ALL OUR WORK WILL BE LOST. STRANGLE HER. TAKE HER BREATH AWAY.</span></p><br>

<p>“If you ask for it, what else can this poor motherfucker do?”</p><br>

<p>Gamzee then took a deep breath. When he was done, he stood up and walked towards Annabelle.</p><br>

<p>“Sorry about this,” he said and it was the last thing he ever said to her.</p><br>

<p>He leapt on her and grabbed her neck. She did struggle for all her might, but Gamzee was quick to seal off her windpipe. He didn’t only strangle her but crack her neck with a strength and skill he didn’t know he had. She fell silently to the floor. Gamzee was a little horrified by what he had done but he also felt a rush of adrenaline that made him grin like his cheeks were cut.</p><br>

<p>The green text appeared above her body. <span class=felt>NOW YOU ARE A MAN.</span></p><br>

<p>“Thanks,” Gamzee whispered.</p><br>

<p><span class=felt>NOW GET YOUR ASS OUT. TO THE BATHROOM. THE JANITOR LEFT SUPPLIES IN THERE. YOU KNOW HOW. TO MAKE A BOMB. COVER YOUR MOUTH. WITH WET CLOTH. DISTRACT EVERYONE.</span></p><br>

<p>Gamzee left the room like he was ordered to. Luckily, his time with Annabelle was almost over so his leaving didn’t look suspicious. He went to the bathroom and indeed there was the janitor’s basket. He took off his shirt, wet it, and tied it around his face before making a chemical bomb. He threw it down and ran off in the confusion. By the same miracle that left the janitor’s basket in the bathroom, there was an unlocked door that led to his freedom. He left with only his hospital-issued pants and his no-slip socks.</p><br>

<p>The green text returned to him when he was in the parking lot. <span class=felt>I’M IN THE GREEN CORPSE-MOBILE. THIRTY FEET TO THE WEST. GET IN. </span></p><br>

<p>In truth, even Gamzee didn’t need directions to find the cherub’s gaudy hearse. He quickly ran to it and took shotgun. </p><br>

<p>“Finally,” the cherub said in a raspy voice that seemed to match his text, “You meet your new lord.” </p><br>

<p>The cherub was not like Gamzee expected. He didn’t look like an angel or a monster. Gamzee could tell the cherub’s face and neck were covered in pale badly-done makeup with a fake nose. His eyes were covered by shades. On his head was an obvious white wig. His large hands were covered by white gloves. He wore a black shirt with a red bowtie and his green pants were held up by lime green suspenders. He was very short, like he was a child, though he was also muscular. Gamzee couldn’t help laughing at the cherub but he suppressed it into a giggle.</p><br>

<p>“Why do you laugh?” the cherub asked.</p><br>

<p>Gamzee replied, “Ain’t nothin’, just excited.”</p><br>

<p>Caliborn took off his shades and revealed the most beautiful and hypnotic eyes Gamzee had ever seen. They were candy red and outlined by thick black lashes.</p><br>

<p>“Remember. I am your lord and master. I am Caliborn. You will serve me. And only me. From now on.”</p><br>

<p>Gamzee looked around the hearse. “Where’s yo and our sis?”</p><br>

<p>“She’s dead.”</p><br>

<p>“Motherfuck! When did that get happenin’? How I did she kick the bucket?”</p><br>

<p>“This morning. She got too weak to live.”</p><br>

<p>Gamzee bowed his head. “Poor girl. She was so sweet to me, like candy. Next time we can, we should pour a forty out for her.”</p><br>

<p>“No wasting human soporifics. On her. She was just a causality. Just like the therapist bitch. At least Calliope provided a bard garb. For our plans.”</p><br>

<p>“Can’t wait to see that!”</p><br>

<p>Caliborn turned on the car and speed out of the parking lot. When they were on their way, Gamzee again talked to him.</p><br>

<p>“So, when’s this bitching plan gonna get on?”</p><br>

<p>“Soon. First we must go. To a certain place.”</p><br>

<p>“Where we goin’?”</p><br>

<p>“Wait. And you shall know.”</p><br>

<p>Gamzee was cool with that, as he was cool with a lot of things. However, he was unnerved when they arrived at a parking lot off a ways from the road.</p><br>

<p>“What’s this? We hiking?”</p><br>

<p>“It’s what humans call. Lover’s Lane.”</p><br>

<p>“Whoooooooa I thought we ain’t going to be lovers!”</p><br>

<p>“And that is the truth.”</p><br>

<p>“So, we gonna be haters?”</p><br>

<p>“No. No. No. No. It’s just...” He looked down intently at the car floor. “We should practice. For the bitches. We will have at my residence.”</p><br>

<p>“You got some girls in your crib?”</p><br>

<p>“I will. When I order them. From a pimp. And then I will order them. To kiss each other. And then kiss you. And make love with you. And maybe I can kiss. The girls. I mean.”</p><br>

<p>“You want me to mack on you?”</p><br>

<p>“Just once. For practice.”</p><br>

<p>“I’m a little motherfuckin’ rusty, but okay.”</p><br>

<p>Gamzee leaned over and pecked Caliborn on the lips. Caliborn in turn threw himself on Gamzee and started gnawing on his lips. It was the most violent kiss Gamzee had ever had and he’d dated Terezi. However, blood started flowing to Gamzee’s penis in his thin hospital pants and Gamzee didn’t know why that crazy miracle was happening. Maybe it had been too long or maybe he was remembering Caliborn’s smutty words from that one night.</p><br>

<p>Finally Caliborn disentangled from Gamzee. He was breathing hard and Gamzee could swear he was glowing like a miracle.</p><br>

<p>“Yes. Enough of this,” he said, “Time to rule the world. And get some real bitches.”</p><br>

<p>And that was the start of a long and strange relationship. </p>