linkingday's rtz story

It has been 50 years since Artour Babaevsky has won Ti5. Now 69 years old, his body has become soft, his eyes dim, and his hearing weak from all the Yung Lean he used to listen to in his youth. At this ripe old age, there is only one thing Artour cares about: his young grandson, Artour III. Artour picked up the ways of Dota 3 at the age of 3, and now 10 years old, will be attending his first International. Artour III reminds Arteezy of himself in his youth, an intrepid young lad with a 100% NA LAN winrate and a godlike reputation in the Dota community, matched only by his friend Jacky's grandson, who goes by the name EEEE.

Now in game 5 of the grand final, Artour III's team, Dicks Out, was facing against the Chinese dream team, Ting Tong. Artour III, on his mid Alchemist, has secured an insurmountable amount of farm, and has taken all of Ting Tong’s outer towers by the 15 minute mark. At the 30 minute mark, Artour III walks into the Roshan pit and prepares himself to take out the 30 Roshans that his supports have stacked for him all game. His Hand of Midas and Refresher Orb ready, he looks at the crowd that fills the Saahil Arora Memorial Stadium and mouths to himself: “This is for you, dedushka RTZ.” In a manner of seconds, all that is left in the pit is 30 Aegis of the Immortals, which Artour III gathers in his inventory to begin the final push to the Dire Ancient. His teammates are useless at this point: all of them still level 1 from continuously stacking every camp for Artour III to secure. The crowd screams as Artour III A-clicks on the Ancient and leans back in his chair. His Chinese adversaries are on the attack as the Alchemist reaches the high ground, but their attacks are for naught: every time the Alchemist dies, he comes back. By the time his 5th Aegis triggers, the Ancient is dead and all of Dicks Out have left the pod to celebrate their victory. Artour III stays in his chair, staring at his screen, the words “DICKS OUT VICTORY” at the top of it. He reaches into his pocket as Robot Overlord Gaben rolls onto the stage with the check for 50 gorillian dollars that he presents to his teammates. Artour III pulls out his phone and dials his grandfather’s phone number: 322-RTZ-22-0.

Arteezy looks down at his desk from the International stream as his Kyoto ringtone blairs from his phone. He looks at the screen to see his grandson’s smiling face. He presses the ‘Accept Call’ button and puts the phone to his ear. On his computer screen, he sees that same face, still staring blankly at his screen in the Dicks Out pod.

“H-hello? Dedushka Arteezy?”

“You fucking did it, boy...you did it.”

“I did it, dedushka. I brought honor to the Babaevsky name.”

Tears in his eyes, Artour Babaevsky I feels a jolt of pain in his chest. He drops the phone and moans in pain. His wives, GiGi and Samantha rush into the room to find Artour’s body slumped over in his chair, a weak smile on his face, and his dick rock hard. Samantha begins crying, remembering all the fun times she and Artour had in chemistry classes, while GiGi picks the phone off the ground.

“Name is GiGi, come from China!”

Artour III puts the phone back in his pocket and steps out of the pod onto the stage. Kaci Aitchinson hobbles over to him, microphone in hand, eager to congratulate the new gorillionaire.

“What are your thoughts on winning the International?”

Artour III takes the microphone, looks into the camera, and with tears in his eyes, says:

“It was...too easy….for RTZ.”