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- ........................... Test complete.
- This is Newscaster Ned! Your one-stop place to get the news!
- Princess Kate Leaves Hospital After Surgery, Months of Recovery Ahead
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- Get All Breitbart News Here
- Lankford: ‘Internet Rumors’ Driving Border Deal Skeptics
- 5k-a-Day ‘Most Misunderstood Section’
- Lankford
- Sen. James Lankford (R-OK) said the language of the border security bill he is working on with Chuck Schumer had not been finalized and attributed opposition to “Internet rumors.”
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- Two people are in custody after a newborn baby girl was found behind dumpsters at a Mississippi mobile home park last week, officials said.
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- 15 Facts About E. Jean Carroll's Case the Media Don't Want You to Know
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- Lankford: 'Internet Rumors' Driving Border Deal Skeptics
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- Oklahoma GOP Ends Support for Lankford over Plan to Expand Immigration
- Oklahoma GOP Ends Support for Lankford over Plan to Expand Immigration
- Negro and His Negress Sister Arrested for 2017 Longboat Double Murder.
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- East Harlem: Prehistoric Ape Arrested After Fucking 10-Year-Old He Met Via Dating App.
- Banana Enthusiast Gets 27 Years After Going on Queens Stabbing Spree.
- Monkey Arrested After Abusing Turtle at Whale Branch Early College High School.
- Mulatto Bitch Gets 26 Years After Killing Her White Mother and Stuffing Her Body in Suitcase.
- .......... ☁️.
- Today
- Mostly Sunny
- 70°
- /43°
- 2%
- SW 8 mph
- Mon 29 | Day
- 70°
- 2%
- SW
- 8
-
- mph
- Sunshine and a few afternoon clouds. High near 70F. Winds SW at 5 to 10 mph.
- Humidity
- 56%
- UV Index
- 5 of 11
- Sunrise
- 7:22 am
- Sunset
- 6:04 pm
- Mon 29 | Night
- 43°
- 4%
- SW
- 5
-
- mph
- Partly cloudy this evening with more clouds for overnight. Low 43F. Winds light and variable.
- Humidity
- 74%
- UV Index
- 0 of 11
- Moonrise
- 9:44 pm
- Waning Gibbous
- Moonset
- 9:42 am
- Tue 30
- Partly Cloudy
- 71°
- /41°
- 4%
- WSW 6 mph
- Wed 31
- Partly Cloudy
- 71°
- /46°
- 5%
- NE 5 mph
- Thu 01
- Partly Cloudy
- 69°
- /55°
- 9%
- S 11 mph
- Fri 02
- Mostly Cloudy
- 73°
- /57°
- 24%
- SSE 14 mph
- Sat 03
- AM Thunderstorms
- 67°
- /48°
- 84%
- W 13 mph
- Sun 04
- Sunny
- 66°
- /45°
- 1%
- WNW 19 mph
- Mon 05
- Mostly Sunny
- 61°
- /39°
- 3%
- NNW 16 mph
- Tue 06
- Mostly Sunny
- 62°
- /42°
- 5%
- NNE 8 mph
- Wed 07
- Mostly Cloudy
- 66°
- /50°
- 6%
- SE 9 mph
- Thu 08
- AM Showers
- 68°
- /53°
- 34%
- SSE 12 mph
- Fri 09
- AM Showers
- 71°
- /51°
- 35%
- SSW 11 mph
- Sat 10
- AM Showers
- 68°
- /49°
- 41%
- SE 10 mph
- Sun 11
- Showers
- 67°
- /50°
- 58%
- ESE 10 mph
- Mon 12
- Scattered Thunderstorms
- 64°
- /46°
- 46%
- N 10 mph
- ..........
- Current threat: Dr. Nigger Penis. 👨🏿🔬
- ..........
- Vampire
- In Storytown Village, vampires are lithe, seductive, hypnotic creatures of the night who revel in bacchanalian pleasure-seeking and live wild and erotic unlives, who actually used to be cool. In Reality: clumsy, fat, socially inept, sartorially blinded fuck-ups that are so pathetic even the goths won't hang out with them anymore, who were never cool. Vampires are social rejects bent on acquiring AIDS from licking the blood off their 'victims' fingers in an odd, retarded expression of a fetish (which they claim isn't a fetish).
- They try their best to mimic their mythological counter-parts; whether by slathering themselves in white make-up, wearing fake-fangs to "feel their Inner Predator" or by actually drinking blood, depending on the level of retardedness of the individual. Either way, they are a great source of epic lulz as their general lack of social skills lend them to be rather oblivious and egotistical.
- Put simply, vampires are emo kids who have the gay gene turned up to 11. Aside from furries and otherkin, 'vampires' are probably the easiest group of societal ejaculate to troll.
- (( Goth And Emo's Embarrassing Little Sister That They Want No One To Know About ))
- .........................................
- Duration: 1 hour, 53 minutes and 6 seconds.1:53:06
- Cyrano de Bergerac is a 1950 American adventure comedy film based on the 1897 French Alexandrin verse drama Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand. It uses poet Brian Hooker's 1923 English blank verse translation as the basis for its screenplay. The film was the first motion picture version in English of Rostand's play, though there were several earlier adaptations in different languages. The 1950 film was produced by Stanley Kramer and directed by Michael Gordon. José Ferrer received the Academy Award for Best Actor for his starring performance as Cyrano de Bergerac. Mala Powers played Roxane, and William Prince portrayed Christian de Neuvillette.
- Film credit: Michael Gordon
- ........
- Hi, everyone. You may be wondering who the fuck Dr. Nigger Penis is, and why I am enemies with him. Well, I figured I would tell you now. Forgive me for this closing statement for being overly long, as I could not find any better place within this paste to explain this to you. It started when I worked as a KFOR correspondent doing a field report at Bell Labs. I was doing research about neurotoxins, and guess who the person I was paired up with. None other than Dr. Cornelius Nigger Penis. Back then, believe it or not, he was just a regular stupid nigger who talked about KFC constantly. He got his PhD in chemistry via affirmative action. Being rejected from other laboratories due to his last name, he worked in a small facility downtown.
- We for the most part got along, however he became tired of various incidents involving the chemical agents we worked with. I accidentally spilled a Zyklon package one time, and another time, I accidentally freed some mice affected with nuclear waste. However, one major incident changed things. We were working with several petri dishes that day, and to the very left was a beaker containing chemicals that can give people superintelligence. I was under a time limit, and as I washed one of the dishes, I accidentally bumped Dr. Nigger penis into the beaker, causing it to shatter and causing the liquid chemicals to pour out, and absorb within Dr. Nigger Penis's skin, making him impervious to toxic chemical agents. I quickly went to get decontaminants, however, when I returned, Dr. Nigger Penis did not answer me. Moments later, he turned around and picked up an electron microscope, melting it in his hands. I quickly ran out of the building to call the cops. Two doctors attempted to restrain him, Dr. Zythren and Dr. Ashton. However, Dr. Nigger Penis turned on the chlorine gas within the room, suffocating both of them. The alarms within the facility went off, and personnel attempted to intervene with his escape. However, Dr. Nigger Penis activated the acid sprinkler alarms, melting the skin off the guards. He then escaped by stealing the lab's personal helicopter.
- Since then, Dr. Nigger Penis banned me from the laboratory. I attempted multiple times to be exempted. Here's a transcript of one of the encounters that I secretly recorded:
- Newscaster Ned: This is Nedward Benjamin Nusecastor, Captain's Log. Stardate... 4:34 PM, Monday, April 12, 2010. I am about to go into the Bell Laboratories Facility — also sell mercury there — to get myself, to try to get myself unbanned and get forgiveness for the mistake I have made almost a year ago when I was banned from the laboratory in June of 2008.
- Newscaster Ned: The dude who banned me was, his name is Dr. Nigger Penis, possibly a watermelon enthusiast considering his last name. Nothing bad against the niggers, but I'm just throwing it out there. Alright, so, here I go.
- [Newscaster Ned turns off the engine and leaves his car. He approaches Bell Labs, and the chime of the store's door alarm can be heard as he goes inside. "Every Morning" by Sugar Ray faintly plays in the background, while we get a good view of the inside of Newscaster Ned's pocket.]
- Newscaster Ned: Hello, I'm here to see Dr. Nigger Penis.
- Employee: Yeah, he's in the room back here.
- [We come upon Dr. Nigger Penis, who is fixing an RC car. His remarks are occasionally interrupted by whoever he is helping. Judging by the audio, Newscaster Ned is standing relatively close to him, close enough to occasionally hear whoever Dr. Nigger Penis is speaking with.]
- Dr. Nigger Penis: Well, I mean, you're, you, you'll just see that by running it. I mean, it was running okay the other day. But just, you know, adjust it one way or the other depending on temperature and everything else. But, you know, it just, it's not usually much. By changing fuel, it doesn't usually change... tuning that much. Mmkay... Uh-huh. Yeah, no, it'll be fine... Right, yeah, it'll be fine. [pause] Okay... Okay... Who made it?
- [The recorder seems to move away from the conversation, and a long silence follows. Various store noises occur in the background, including the bell from someone opening the front door.]
- Dr. Nigger Penis: Okay. Alright. Sounds good. Mm-hm. Bye.
- Newscaster Ned: Hello, Dr. Nigger Penis. I see, uh... You've been, I see you're looking well. Haven't changed much since, for the past almost two years. And, yeah, it has been, uh, almost two years since... uh, what happened, uh, June- June 2008. But, uh, I came back hoping that, uh, we could put that behind us and...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No.
- Newscaster Ned: Come on. I mean, it has been almost two years, and it's just been on my mind for so long, just be...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No.
- Newscaster Ned: But, can't we just forgive and forget?
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No.
- Newscaster Ned: C'mon, to have this...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No.
- Newscaster Ned: ...weight on my back...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No.
- Newscaster Ned: And I have really...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No.
- Newscaster Ned: ...missed coming here.
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No. No. You need to leave now.
- Newscaster Ned: I'm, I'm a better person...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: You need to leave now.
- Newscaster Ned: C'mon, what? Come on, dude...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: No! You need to leave now.
- Newscaster Ned: How can you be so heartless? I mean, you're, I mean, you're obviously not as mean as one of those trolls I've been dealing with...
- Dr. Nigger Penis: You need to leave now.
- Newscaster Ned: I mean, come on, I mean, obviously you have something against me, [four beeping noises are heard, possibly Dr. Nigger Penis dialing out to 911] because aside from the chlorine incident, I just would like to know what. Come on. Gimme a break. Alright, fine, I'll leave.
- Newscaster Ned: But I hope that God will forgive you for being so heartless and cruel, Dr. Nigger Penis!
- Dr. Nigger Penis: He probably will.
- Newscaster Ned:
- Nigger!
- Many people attempted to detain Dr. Nigger Penis, however, he escaped through the jail cell's bars. Before they could put him in a maximum security prison, he flew to a country within the arctic circle, inside a cave in an unknown mountain.
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